Since the arrival of some lost wages checks, I am totally spinning around and yet I’m paying bills and I’m getting things done but all I can see is more fixing of things and replacing of things and giving people what they want, giving my family what they want and thinking about my future and it feels really good, but then I have this feeling of guilt for having needed people‘s help for so long - yes, I’m thinking of you my love….
Though it really does feel good to give I’m finding as I help O & V get some little things they’ve been wanting to get…e.g. further proof of how amazing V is, he wanted to get his best friend some birthday presents and it didn’t cost more than 60 bucks.
I guess this is just further motivation for me just to hurry up and get a job so I can use this money for useful things instead of survival. Yeah, I don’t wanna have to use that money, that big check for the mortgage and HOA and bills…so yeah, so why don’t I think about work and finding a job instead of focusing on all this other shit??
I could start again with DSP roles since I’ve had proper training and the Red Cross CPR certificate so that’s a good thing…but find places that just serve seniors ….so senior overnight companion not a nursing assistant.
I am asking myself is there enough engagement in that job though?? I get a lot of engagement with V and his friends so that’s something to think about… I’ve been saying I wanna work with youth, but I think the interactions I have with V and his friends actually is enough right now, so maybe I just need to tap into the part of me that really cares about people and wants to help people but just not sell them anything.
My ultimate true desire is for people to see the good and positive in themselves. Feel as good about themselves as they could.
So what job is that? Maybe that’s a conversation for ChatGPT!
I’ve been doing so much thinking about this ever since quitting OP. I’m truly lucky that B is my biggest fan and I just want to share that feeling with others.
