Me and my big mouth

So I've been with my airline for almost 2 years now and my parent's are finally trying to take their first non-revenue trip (stop me, oh stop me, stop me if you think that you've heard this one before) and it's so not looking good for them. I was trying to get them out on flights yesterday morning but that was a no-go so now we're trying for well, I guess it would be this morning. In the industry it's called "non-rev'ing". It's free (for me) or has ridiculously low service charges (for friends and family) but of course the catch is that it's stand-by. Employees traveling alone have priority over employees traveling with friends/family and then down on the list come those friends/family traveling without the employee and guess where my parent's fall on that list? It maybe wouldn't be so bad if my mom didn't have her disability and they could just wait around all day at the airport waiting to get on a flight. But they need morning flights. There is a certain percentage of no-shows and that's what can get a person on a flight. Other than that it's just all a big ol' gamble. I've -when just flying by myself -have gotten on flights I thought I had no chance on and not gotten on flights I could have sworn I would get on. This is why I hesitate to tell them not to bother. I did leave my brother a voice mail telling him not to go all the way home this time in case he has to go back to the airport and get them. (I'm tempted to throw some clothes on and go and shuttle them myself....hmm, I could. I'm awake.)

So it's almost 3am (I have mentioned I'm a night owl right?) and I just checked how many seats were left for their flight and how many names were on the list and it's horrible! I may call them in a couple of hours and tell them not to bother. This time it's just not going to work out.

I'm bummed because they're trying to go down and visit my aunt in FL (again, I am repeating myself 'cause I think I mentioned this in a previous entry, sorry about that) and she's having a really hard time dealing with some physical and emotional crap. They're going to be disappointed and my aunt is not going to take this well...she already thinks anything related to her turns to shit.

The folks don't have a lot of money (never have) and the discount on buying guaranteed space? Not that great.

I've been asking them, telling them for months to take advantage of my travel benefit and when they finally do, it's not working. I hate this and am so frustrated for them. They will survive of course, but will they ever trust me again? (Oh, look out, here come the melodramatic police!)

Crap, crap, crap. But it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings right?

Who am I kidding?

It's 3am and I just got done with season 4 of "Weeds". There are a million other things I could do when I have days off from work. Look for a new job, get together with friends, see my family, leave the house and just go have coffee somewhere but I don't. I would love to fully blame the weather and that it's winter but that's only part of the problem. I've said that I feel like I'm in a boat that's just drifting along (in fact, have written a bad poem or two about it) and I'm just laying back and letting myself meander along with no set destination in mind. I'm not making any decisions beyond just living (surviving) one day at a time. I'm not striving for anything to make my life better. I'm not making any decisions (and that is a decision by itself right? right) or trying to make my life be more than what it is. (I've been here before, so many times...why do I keep ending up back here?)

Don't get me wrong. I'm very fortunate in so many ways and I'm not really depressed. I have the material things that make life easier ...a car, a computer; I've got a good home; I've got love (complicated but true love); I've got family that helps me out the best they can; I've got friends who don't judge me on my life and the fact that it's going nowhere right now.

So many things I think I "should" do but don't. I'm sure people are sick of my endless debates with myself over what to do with my life...school or not. Different job or not. Move out of country or not. Break up with B. or not. Lose weight or not.

Bah! Enough about me (this blogging thing has got to be one of the most self-indulgent things a person can do 'eh?)
How are you? Do you ever feel like this?

How personal should I get?

Well, happy bloody snow day! Argh! It's been a fun and challenging afternoon. Spending time on the phone with my aunt who is dealing with waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much shit. I could kick her son and husbands asses. My parent's are attempting to go and visit her this weekend. I say attempting because for the first time since I started working for my airline, they are going to try the non-rev'ing thing for the first time. I'm not a religous person but I'm going to pray they get on their flights or at least on flights that get them there before midnight. I just wish they weren't doing this for the first time right now...leaving cold, snowy MN for warm, sunny FL ..on a weekend. That's not going to help their case any. Ugh. Still, let's all pray. It wouldn't be so bad but with my Mom's disability, it just makes it all the more challenging. My Pop is a freakin' saint for taking such good care of her.

OK, enough of THAT! So last night I was watching some episodes of "Weeds" (catching up on season 4) and all of a sudden I started thinking about ...Buffy and Spike, Buffy and Angel which then led to thoughts of their shows...ah, TV. Maybe it's role has been too large in my life but when I started to withdraw from friends and family a few years ago, it was one of the few things that saved me. That escape away from my confused, sad world. Good grief. I didn't mean for this to get so heavy.

I've been going back and forth about just how personal I should be here...well, I guess I've got an answer don't I? I've kept journals for years but think I may censor myself a bit more here. I was doing some reading about why people blog and what I related to, what struck me as a great reason to do this, was the thought that this is a snapshot of my life right now (so it's going to have to get a bit personal) and someday I'll be able to look back on all this and see who I was and who I'm trying to be.

Around me people are in pain and sad and I will try to be there for them. What a mess love can make of life sometimes.

Being a perfectionist is sometimes a pain...

Just so it's all out there and the list is complete. Favorite British TV shows include: "Spooks" (aka MI-5), "Torchwood", "Wire in the Blood", "Hustle", "As Time Goes By" and the aforementioned "The Vicar of Dibley". I'm sure I'm forgetting a few but this pretty much completes the list of "must-see's".

You know, this posting thing could get quite addictive whilst I ignore other parts of my life...ruh, roh.

Vicar of Dibley Series Finale

So thanks to my fabulous roommate, now for your viewing pleasure, the series finale of "The Vicar of Dibley". If you are a fan of the movie "Sense and Sensibility" (Emma Thompson/Hugh Grant version is the only one I've seen...so far) you will understand why this is so freakin' great!

How could I forget....

In speaking of TV, how could I forget that recently I was able to watch for the 2nd or 3rd time one of my most favorite scenes from a TV show EVER! I am a bit of anglophile and so one of my favorite British TV faves is "The Vicar of Dibley" (Dawn French is an inspirational, witty, hilarious goddess.) In the series finale, she finally meets the man she will marry and when she finds out that it is her that he wants to marry ....well, it has to be seen to be believed. I am going to figure out how to link the video from youtube here because it has got to be seen. Another one to make me laugh so hard I cough AND cry! If only something like this would happen to me...sigh.

TV is GOOD

So thanks to the joys of the internet, I've recently discovered the joys of watching TV online. Now, again, I know lots of people have been doing this for ages, but with most things, I come late to the game.

I just got done watching the season finale of "Leverage". I think that has got to be my new favorite. I can't wait until season 2 starts in June. I've also been able to see all the 4th season of "The Closer". Thank goodness Brenda and Fritz got married. I love it when couples you root for do get to be together. I'm a terrible romantic that way. When they don't get together, it just pisses me off. E.g. Joey and Dawson or Felicity and Noel. The writers set out to make you fall for these characters and hope that they will end up together and then they lose control of the characters and they end up with someone else. Maybe I just need to go back and watch all of "Dawson's Creek" and "Felicity" to find out why it was Pacey and Ben who won our leading lady's hearts.

You know, I could write about TV for hours and hours. but maybe I won't...then again, can I just say how much joy TV brings me. I love being able to step into someone else's "universe" for just a little while. (Another reason I love to read so much.) Being able to escape from my uncharted life for just a few hours is crucial to my sanity. I used to use TV and books as a crutch to avoid dealing with my life, but now, they are just bits of escapism. What's the difference? Well, hmm, I think it's that while my life is just drifting along, I'm not using TV/Books to avoid dealing with my problems.

Well, just for informational purposes, at this time in my life, the other shows I like are "Nip/Tuck" (OMG Christian is dying!!!), "The Big Bang Theory" (Brilliant, absofuckinglutely BRILLIANT), "How I Met Your Mother", "Two and a Half Men" (One of the only 2 shows that actuallys makes me laugh so hard I cough (smokers may know what that means), "Fringe", "Law and Order: SVU", "Supernatural", "Eleventh Hour" (with the dreamy Rufus Sewell), "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles", "Dollhouse" (how cool is is that my favorite singer co-wrote and sings on the theme song!!!) and "Family Guy". Other favorites that I've been able to watch online include the aforementioned "Leverage", "Dexter", "Weeds", "The L Word" (am I sad it's ending? Only because I will miss watching Kathryn Moening's portrayal of the complicated Shane) "My Boys" and "Top Chef". Season Finale of that tonight. I'm rooting for Carla. Stefan just annoys me and I have no special love for Hosea. Nice guy but I'd love to see a woman win again.

Sadly, with all this great TV I have not been keeping up with my reading. That list of books over there? That's the to-be-read pile. Ouch! Thank goodness for the library and being able to renew with just the press of a few keys.

I'm now one of the millions

So I thought to myself why not do what a lot of people are already doing and have been doing for years. So hello blog. Inspired by roommate, I'm going to do this for me and if other people happen to read it, well, yeah!