More of 1st Quarter

Sorry about that. I meant to come back and do another post right away but you know, life, got in the way. 

Update on my court thing. I accepted a deal that said as long as I don't have any more "school bus violations" in a year, then it all goes away and I have 6 months to pay off $175 in fines/fees. 

I could have insisted on finding video, go to court/jury but I just wanted to get on with the business of ...life. 

Not that there really is going on at the moment. I thought I had a lot more of stuff to talk about but don't find myself feeling particularly chatty right now. 

Though...things here at home with O & V are really good. We are a family and we are his "parents" and we're a good team. We have strengths and weaknesses that are complimentary, and V is getting both of his physical AND emotional needs met. 

And I'm so proud of him. In little over a week, it will be our 2-year anniversary and I'm still so grateful every day that they came into my life. Being part of a real family like this ...sharing responsibilities of caring for a kid...who knew I could have handled it very well had I had a chance to do that with B! Oh well. 

I love seeing how much V has grown physically, mentally and emotionally over these last couple of years. 

Because of him, I know what my dream job would be at this time in my life. I would love to work with LGBTQ2+ youth. Be a youth advocate. I have an opportunity now to go to Normandale Community College this summer to get my associates in psychology. I'm hoping a lot of my credits from Strayer and Sophia transfer because then I'd be done with that program that much quicker which should help career-wise -get my foot in the door somewhere doing what I want to do. Unless I seriously pursue that lead I got from Dr. E (V's Dr.) 

On that front, silence. 

And everywhere I look - on social media of all things - are things about not staying with someone who isn't actively showing you that they want to be with you. "Love Yourself Enough to Let Them Go" - but I resist that message as I'm not really with him yet. Do I wish it was as simple as he would have decided long ago to divorce and be with me? Yes, sometimes. But I wasn't ready. I think I needed to go through all that I went through which led me to this place, where I can appreciate getting a taste of what his life has been like. Living in a household where responsibility for a kid is the #1 priority is not a small thing. 

In the meantime, I'm also beginning the process of applying for social security disability. I don't know how that will go but I do know that my body isn't like it used to be. 

Speaking of my body - while it's not working quite as well as it used to be, at least, thankfully I am losing some weight. I got a little off track recently, but I'll get back on track. For me, smaller portions, more veggies/fruit and more water has been a great start. Totally doable when I put my mind to it :P  The feeling of seeing the number go down when I get weighed is THE best feeling in the world. 

Did I mention I got a free membership to a gym (LA Fitness) with my health insurance and I can go swimming whenever I want...and I've gone only once since I signed up :( ) -going up and down the steps on errands or taking V out and about is all the activity I'm getting these days. I know I need more than that. 

When does need turn into do? I'm such a big talker, not so much a doer. Maybe that's what I should give some serious thought to...er, I mean, some active study! 

Ha! Maybe I'd just be using that as another excuse not to look for work. Though I've got lots of good excuses for why I'm not really doing that...all of the uncertainty in our government right now with that evil orange one and his pet piranha causing chaos. And what if I qualify for social security disability? Don't I need to know more about that before I seriously look for work? 

Anyway, in spite of everything...I consider myself very lucky. Very blessed. O and V have a lot to do with that. While I'm going this phase of my life, I'm not alone. 

I want this with B...at least I used to. It's so hard not having a clue wondering what the fuck is going through his mind. 

1st Quarter 2025 Report

Well, I'm not sure where to begin, so maybe I'll just begin in January. Still unemployed and wondering what the fuck to do with myself, I was inspired by a conversation that O and I were having about certificate programs to look into. So, then I thought, maybe I should look into going and doing the esthiology program at Aveda (Horst.)  I had started the cosmetology program there back in the early 90's but it wasn't quite right. I preferred skin-care and make-up to hair and I had said back then that I should have done esthiology instead of cosmetology. Over the years I've said I should have done esthiology. So, I decided to go for it.

It was also a fairly easy choice to make since my job search had been pathetic at that point, and I was feeling so discouraged about having to go through the whole process - especially when every job that I am qualified for had just been leaving me...cold. Cold is the best way to describe it. But it was more than that. It was the thought of facing another job where I was the "middleman" and wasn't going to be in charge of the choices made that made it easier to think it would be a good fit to do this thing, where I would be able to help people directly with something. I would be actively doing something to help someone feel good about themselves. 

Just for curiosity's sake, I thought I'd also just see what other schools had the program and to my pleasant surprise, I found out that there was a beauty school here in Bloomington that was going to be a better fit...that it had free, close parking and a small enough of a footprint, space-wise, that I should be able to navigate it with my limited mobility were also major selling points. 

From my first meeting with the admissions officer, K and the ED of the school, T, it felt right. The downside is that it wouldn't begin until March 10. 

Life carried on and I still looked and applied for jobs that might work, and when even one working in a group air department for a travel agency -rejected me! - is when I became convinced it was time to go ahead and commit to school. Learn this skill and trade and then be able to work in all sorts of places and do lots of things with this and problem solved! 

In the meantime, O got her driver's license (and bought her first car days later!) I'm so proud of her for getting it done!  Yes, she did get help from a driving school & instructor on top of practicing in Betsy and what I taught her, but she still had to pass the test. 

I won't lie, having 2 driver's and 2 cars in the house with a teenager has been a godsend. Added bonus, I don't need to take getting V to school (or picking him up afterwards) into consideration as to what hours I would "need" to work. 

Also, in the meantime, I got a ticket, and I will be going to court tomorrow morning. A school bus had stopped, and the stop sign went up just as I passed it. Cop chased me down and gave me a ticket and this is an automatic court offense. I qualified for an attorney since I couldn't afford one of my own and apparently, you just meet them at the courthouse the same day/time. OK. I'll just have to deal with whatever happens from that. 

And .... school? Well, I didn't last a week. By the 2nd day when we had to go set up our tables and practice "draping" I was thinking I might be in trouble. 

Physically I was a wreck after doing the standing and bending and reaching just to do that. And this was just a tiny sliver of the whole process. 

By the 4th day when we gave a partial facial, I knew I was done. My poor classmate who I had to give the facial to, got the bare minimum. By the time I was done, I was a sweaty crying mess with a back that hurt like a mofo. I really hadn't given enough consideration to the physical demands of the job. Being able to stand and using my short arms to do this -I thought it would work, but no. 

Our instructor, Miss Ann, was so kind. She remarked that I had some soul-searching to do and she was 100% right. On my way out that day, I stopped in at the offices and ended up chatting with both K & T and decided I wasn't going to give up quite yet. I was going to see if a back and knee brace would help. I was going to see what other kids of accommodations that could be made that would help. I wasn't going to quit yet another something in the space of a few months! 

I made it through the weekend. even though my back was still killing me. By the time Monday came around when I got the back/knee braces, even with the right sizes, it was a disaster. The knee brace wouldn't stay up and the back brace was too big and bulky overall for my short torso. They weren't going to work. With the thought of what I was going to have to be able to do every day, several times a day, made me admit to myself I had really made a mistake. Well, a big error in judgement let's just say. So, I went it on Tuesday morning and had a chat with T and withdrew. 

I'm not happy I quit something else in a matter of months, but there is something to be said for knowing when something is not going to work and letting it go. 

To Be Continued...