Sunday going on Monday and I'm really at a loss about what to write about tonight.
Do I report on my life for the last few days? Do I find some topic that will result in another brilliant essay by yours truly? (:P tee hee)
I don't know why I feel I have to be inspired to post and have it not be about boring stuff like "I went to work, then came home, blah blah blah" because this blog can be about anything I want it to be about right? (Uh, as usual, am I repeating myself?)
It's been a good few days...had a good weekend. On Wednesday, had B over for breakfast ( ;) ) then he took me out for dinner that night (I love love love that I was with him 2x's in one day!) Sure it was only McD's but considering I had to swallow my pride and ask him for gas money because using gas to meet him in St. Paul was going to use up what I needed to get to the credit union on Friday (payday, payday, payday!) I wasn't going to quibble.
He's such a dear to give me these little loans. I feel terrible asking but he's my boyfriend and it's OK to ask them for money once in awhile, right? Just $10 bucks now & then. No biggie right? He's confident someday I'll be a success aka have a much better paying job and won't be broke forever (I pray he's right!)
On Thursday I hung out at the house in the air-conditioned sanctity of my room and then after chatting w/R late in the afternoon, he talked me into leaving the house (he can always talk me into going out) And just like B, he was a dear soul and made the using of the gas in my car a non-issue by coming over and picking me up ...and then he even bought me dinner. We had some nice conversation and could have just talked all night but we ended up watching "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" (it was OK-I came home and googled the first 2 movies to refresh my memory and feel like I had the whole trilogy experience)
Why is it that I can accept generosity from some but not others? Maybe it has to do with how long I've known the person? Either way, I'm not thrilled that I have to be that person that is more often broke than not. I'm suddenly thinking of the movie "Friends With Money" which addressed a similar topic (just like that episode of "Friends" did oh so many years ago & how funny that Jennifer Aniston was in both?!) and just like those characters I'm blessed with friends who never make me feel bad about it and who can occasionally treat me.
Pride is an ugly thing though isn't it? I really want to be able to pay my own way with everyone but find myself swallowing it and letting myself just accept it when it's offered...most of the time. Sadly, this isn't the first time in my life I've been been in this situation financially. Working but not making very much.
I guess I maybe will ease up on beating myself up about this because there have been brief periods of time when I've been doing well and then I'm as generous as everyone else (really I swear it!) (I am even hopeful that I can arrange things so that not only will it be my b-day party that I will be hosting but I will provide all of the refreshments and food (don't worry, I won't go too crazy))
Out of curiosity the other night, I did look at some customer service jobs that were posted on various online sites and there wasn't anything that jumped out at me and said "APPLY FOR ME NOW!" Oh sure, there are some nice sounding customer service jobs out there but the thought of having to start all over again, learning new products, etc. Ugh. I'm just finally getting the hang of what I need to know for this job. I'm resisting change -including probably changes for the better because it just seems like so much work right now. That is of course lazy Sam talking. I need to tell her to hush.
Thinking about the possibilities of having a job that lets me not only make the best use of my talents (really truly sincerely want to help people and make them happy) but a job that has a lot more variety and challenge (not the everyday, constant challenge of trying to find award space using the least amount of miles) but challenges of finding solutions to problems (not life or death problems like flights delayed or canceled so people miss the holidays with their families & friends) and being creative in how I do it. I want the whole experience where I have a relationship (of sorts) with my customers from the beginning and throughout their experience with my company. Someone please tell me what job that is already! It has to exist somewhere but I just can't think of it. What can I sell that I firmly believe in as much as travel or the arts? Is there anything I could do that I could have as my own business and then not have to work for overpaid executives who reap the benefits of hardworking rats in the rat race?
Ah well, moving on...
So after doing the responsible thing with my check (rent/wireless), putting gas in the car and buying groceries, I'm doing my best to hang onto a little bit of cash so that I can get together with some friends on this upcoming "weekend" (I'll eventually forget to put the quotation marks on weekend 'cause y'all know that my weekends are during the week... :) ) (? - why is it that I'm usually determined to spend every single frickin' cent I've got in my pocket??? Seriously, there is no finding money in pockets, under sofa cushions or at the bottom of my purse EVER!)
Anyhoo, so now just working the last couple of days. It's now my "Thursday" and so far everything else uneventful (well in my life that is...not going to even talk about the passing of Farah & Michael...let's just be reminded we should tell our loved ones we love them all the time because we never know when they'll be taken from us :( )
I'm so happy it's cooled off a bit weather-wise. I have the air off and the window open, letting some nice fresh Mpls. air in.
Upward and Onward.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Moments
I just got done watching the last new episode of "The Unusuals". It was a cop show that began on ABC this past spring but did not get renewed for next season. All we got were 10 episodes. (I'm thankful that they decided to burn off episodes this summer otherwise we would have had only 6 and the last 4 were better than the first 6 or maybe I only think that 'cause I knew that was IT so I appreciated them more???) I'm so bummed it didn't get renewed. It was just hitting it's stride with characters you could care about and stories that were interesting and entertaining. While being a cop drama, it had heart and didn't take itself too seriously (I laughed out loud at moments -that to me is the mark of good writing!) It was a nice change from most other cop shows...
But sadly that's the nature of the TV biz isn't it? You find a show you love but all you're gonna get is that brief glimpse into this new world that some people have created. Then you just have to move on. It happens all the frickin' time.
Enjoying the moment, dreading the moment, moving on, letting go...all just part of the fun and excitement of life right?
Shows come and go.
People come in and out of our lives.
Why is change so hard when life is constantly changing?
I wanted to follow all that up with a deep, meaningful post about enjoying each and every moment we have when we're doing something we enjoy or when we're spending it with those we care about but in this particular moment all I want to do is go to sleep. (I was up 'til 5am the past couple of nights...uh, mornings) so I'm gonna let this just be as it is.
Maybe write about it again later.
But sadly that's the nature of the TV biz isn't it? You find a show you love but all you're gonna get is that brief glimpse into this new world that some people have created. Then you just have to move on. It happens all the frickin' time.
Enjoying the moment, dreading the moment, moving on, letting go...all just part of the fun and excitement of life right?
Shows come and go.
People come in and out of our lives.
Why is change so hard when life is constantly changing?
I wanted to follow all that up with a deep, meaningful post about enjoying each and every moment we have when we're doing something we enjoy or when we're spending it with those we care about but in this particular moment all I want to do is go to sleep. (I was up 'til 5am the past couple of nights...uh, mornings) so I'm gonna let this just be as it is.
Maybe write about it again later.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Cinematic Romantic Gems (aka dreams and fantasies)
I just got done watching a movie called "Last Chance Harvey" that I stumbled upon and it was a movie that will be added to my favorites list.
I've not really talked much about movies here, choosing to focus on TV shows and the occasional book but I think the time is ripe (I'm inspired!) to just mention a few of my favorites.
I'm sure no one will be surprised by the list, but go ahead and indulge me. I won't write full, detailed descriptions (do I ever? :P ) ...actually what the hell, I'll just cut and paste the synopsis/review from amazon.com where necessary (it's late and I'm going to take advantage of technology.)
"Last Chance Harvey" is a sweet story about finding love when you don't think you will or your life has just fallen apart. It stars Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. It actually reminded me a lot of EIGHT of my other favorites and you know what? I just realized they all are the same story! OMG ..is this synchronicity? Nah, just apparently my favorite way boy-meets-girl plays out on the big screen (Four of them do have American's meeting non-Americans outside of America but that's just coincidence.)
1. "When Harry Met Sally" ...sharing that ride to NY together just sets the stage for the rest of their story. (Yeah, we'll skip the synopsis/review on this one...who doesn't know this movie?)
2. "Last Chance Harvey" - Anyone who’s seen the trailer for Last Chance Harvey can easily guess how it ends. In fact, the title alone is a clue. But the destination is hardly the point with movies like this; it’s the journey that counts, and this one is pretty entertaining. You could call director-writer Joel Hopkins’ film a romantic comedy, but it’s not especially robust in either of those departments. This is more of a character study, and veteran lead actors Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are well up to the task of bringing theirs to life. Both are awkward, lonely, social misfits. Hoffman’s Harvey Shine is a bit of a schlub; his gig as a jingle composer in jeopardy, estranged from his ex-wife (Kathy Baker) and daughter (Liane Balaban), he flies to London for the latter’s wedding, only to have her tell him that she has chosen her step-father (James Brolin) rather than him to give her away. Meanwhile, Kate Walker (Thompson) spends her days trying to survey harried travelers at Heathrow Airport, answering her meddling mother’s constant stream of cell phone calls, and awaiting the all-to-inevitable onset of spinsterhood. Harvey has already brushed her off once when, having put in a humiliating appearance at the wedding and missed his return flight to America, he runs into her in an airport bar. What ensues--the initial repartee and sarcastic snarking, the gradual breaking of the ice, the burgeoning attraction, the complications and misunderstandings--is entirely predictable. But it’s also well done. These are people one might actually identify with; when Kate tells him, "I’m more comfortable with being disappointed. I’m angry with you for trying to take that away," one senses a real person in there, which helps raise Last Chance Harvey above its conventions. --Sam Graham Fennessy
3. "Before Sunrise" - This romantic, witty, and ultimately poignant glimpse at two strangers (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) who share thoughts, affections, and past experiences during one 14-hour tryst in Vienna somehow remains writer/director Richard Linklater's (Dazed and Confused, Slacker) most overlooked gem. Delpy, a stunning, low-key Parisian, meets the stammering American Hawke, as the two share a Eurorail seat--she's starting school in Paris, he's finishing a vacation. Their mutual attraction leads to an awkward meeting (beautifully played by each performer), and Hawke suggests that Delpy spend his remaining 14 hours in Vienna with him.
Typically, this skeleton is as much plot as Linklater provides; as usual, he's more interested in concentrating his talents on observing the casual, playful conversations between his leads. His tight time frame allows the characters to say anything to one another, and topics ranging from politics to past romances to fears of the future flow with subtle finesse. The short time frame is also cruel, however, because beneath this love affair lies the painful reality that the two most likely will never see each other again and will be left only with memories--an idea Linklater drives home with an effective snapshot conclusion.
4. "Before Sunset" - In 1994, director Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, Waking Life) made Before Sunrise, a gorgeous poem of a movie about two strangers (played by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) wandering around Vienna, talking, and falling in love. Ten years later, Linklater, Hawke, and Delpy have returned with Before Sunset, which reunites the same characters after Hawke has written a book about that night. Delpy appears at the final book reading of his European tour; they have less than two hours before Hawke has to catch a flight to New York...and in that time, they walk around Paris, talk, and fall in love all over again. It sounds simple, perhaps dull, but it's written with such skill and care and acted with such richness that it's a miracle of filmmaking. On its own, Before Sunset is moving and wonderful; seen right after Before Sunrise, it will break your heart. --Bret Fetzer (Note: Hawke, Delpy and Linklater all wrote this one)
5. "The Very Thought Of You" - The plot centers around Martha (Monica Potter), an American trying to start a new life in London. She meets three men (Tom Hollander, Rufus Sewell (one of my yummy brits) and Joseph Fiennes, who played the title role in Shakespeare in Love). These three are best friends and all three fall in love with her, but the one she falls in love with feels like he's betraying the others to be with her. Despite the resulting confusion, she pursues him to the end--which makes it unlike most current romantic comedies in which the woman is a hapless love object to be captured by the right guy. But more entertainingly, The Very Thought of You pays particular attention to the ways men delude themselves, because the two friends Martha doesn't care for are both convinced she's hankering for them, which allows for some fairly subtle skewering of the male ego. Joseph Fiennes in particular has a relaxed, winning charm that marks him as a rising star. --Bret Fetzer
6."Jet Lag" - Oscar(R) winner Juliette Binoche (Best Supporting Actress, THE ENGLISH PATIENT, 1996; CHOCOLAT) and Jean Reno (RONIN, THE PROFESSIONAL) soar together in a wonderfully fun and sexy comedy where opposites don't just attract, they collide! Pampered beauty queen Rose (Binoche) and over-stressed insomniac Felix (Reno) have only one thing in common: They're through with bad relationships and have both sworn off the opposite sex. So when an airline strike grounds these total strangers together in Paris -- and they're forced to share the last available hotel room in town -- neither can wait to leave the other behind. But the more they try to go their separate ways, the more obvious it becomes that there's no place else they'd rather be
7. "Garden State" Zach Braff (from the TV show Scrubs) stars in his writing/directing debut, Garden State--normally a doomed act of hubris, but Braff pulls it off with unassuming charm. An emotionally numb actor in L.A., Andrew (Braff) comes back to New Jersey after nine years away for his mother's funeral. Andrew avoids his bitter father (Ian Holm, The Sweet Hereafter) and joins old friends (including the superb Peter Sarsgaard, Boys Don't Cry) in a round of parties. Along the way he meets a girl (Natalie Portman, Beautiful Girls) with demons of her own; bit by bit the two offer each other a little healing. Plotwise, Garden State is familiar stuff, a cross between The Graduate and a Meg Ryan movie, but Braff has an eye for goofy but resonant visual images, an ear for lively dialogue, and a great cast. The result is surprisingly fresh and funny. --Bret Fetzer
8. "Dogfight" - Director Nancy Savoca tackles tough material in the battle of the sexes, late-teen division, and makes it bitterly moving. River Phoenix plays one of a group of youngish marines on the verge of shipping out to Southeast Asia in 1963 San Francisco. On their last night in port, they decide to hold a "dogfight": a contest to see who can get the ugliest girl to go out with him. Phoenix winds up with a pudgy waitress (Lili Taylor), who has dreams of being like her hero, Joan Baez. As he draws her out, he finds himself intrigued by the self-contained world she has created for herself and by the time he gets her to the dance he is regretting his decision--but is too macho to pull out. Barely released, the film features touching performances by both the late Phoenix and the always fascinating Taylor, who gives this character great dignity. --Marshall Fine
One of the things I really like about these particular movies is the idea that you could just be somewhere else, far from home and have this intense, emotional experience and connection with a stranger...yeah. I yearn for that kind of experience. I mean, here you are, in a place where no one knows you, you have no history and you can just re-invent yourself (to a degree of course because no matter where you go there you are.) (Having worked for the airline for the past couple of years, practically every trip I've taken (especially the one to England last year) had me wishing and hoping for some kind of experience like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, these are just movies and movies are not real life but still a girl can dream right?) I also like the idea that love happens and it's out of the blue. It's not because you met someone online or were set up on blind date or were trolling the singles bars. It was because you just happened to be someone you wouldn't normally be and then wham! (Another great reason to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE Sam!)
I also like seeing the stories about adults who aren't so young..."Last Chance Harvey" was about the over-40 crowd. Which reminds me, I need to add another show to my R.I.P TV show list..."As Time Goes By" starring Geoffrey Rush and [Dame] Judi Dench.
This list is by no means complete but it's about 4am and I've reached the point where I will fall asleep. I'm not even going to re-read (and re-read and re-read) and edit this. I'm going to post it as is. Hope coherent. Night.
I've not really talked much about movies here, choosing to focus on TV shows and the occasional book but I think the time is ripe (I'm inspired!) to just mention a few of my favorites.
I'm sure no one will be surprised by the list, but go ahead and indulge me. I won't write full, detailed descriptions (do I ever? :P ) ...actually what the hell, I'll just cut and paste the synopsis/review from amazon.com where necessary (it's late and I'm going to take advantage of technology.)
"Last Chance Harvey" is a sweet story about finding love when you don't think you will or your life has just fallen apart. It stars Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. It actually reminded me a lot of EIGHT of my other favorites and you know what? I just realized they all are the same story! OMG ..is this synchronicity? Nah, just apparently my favorite way boy-meets-girl plays out on the big screen (Four of them do have American's meeting non-Americans outside of America but that's just coincidence.)
1. "When Harry Met Sally" ...sharing that ride to NY together just sets the stage for the rest of their story. (Yeah, we'll skip the synopsis/review on this one...who doesn't know this movie?)
2. "Last Chance Harvey" - Anyone who’s seen the trailer for Last Chance Harvey can easily guess how it ends. In fact, the title alone is a clue. But the destination is hardly the point with movies like this; it’s the journey that counts, and this one is pretty entertaining. You could call director-writer Joel Hopkins’ film a romantic comedy, but it’s not especially robust in either of those departments. This is more of a character study, and veteran lead actors Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are well up to the task of bringing theirs to life. Both are awkward, lonely, social misfits. Hoffman’s Harvey Shine is a bit of a schlub; his gig as a jingle composer in jeopardy, estranged from his ex-wife (Kathy Baker) and daughter (Liane Balaban), he flies to London for the latter’s wedding, only to have her tell him that she has chosen her step-father (James Brolin) rather than him to give her away. Meanwhile, Kate Walker (Thompson) spends her days trying to survey harried travelers at Heathrow Airport, answering her meddling mother’s constant stream of cell phone calls, and awaiting the all-to-inevitable onset of spinsterhood. Harvey has already brushed her off once when, having put in a humiliating appearance at the wedding and missed his return flight to America, he runs into her in an airport bar. What ensues--the initial repartee and sarcastic snarking, the gradual breaking of the ice, the burgeoning attraction, the complications and misunderstandings--is entirely predictable. But it’s also well done. These are people one might actually identify with; when Kate tells him, "I’m more comfortable with being disappointed. I’m angry with you for trying to take that away," one senses a real person in there, which helps raise Last Chance Harvey above its conventions. --Sam Graham Fennessy
3. "Before Sunrise" - This romantic, witty, and ultimately poignant glimpse at two strangers (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) who share thoughts, affections, and past experiences during one 14-hour tryst in Vienna somehow remains writer/director Richard Linklater's (Dazed and Confused, Slacker) most overlooked gem. Delpy, a stunning, low-key Parisian, meets the stammering American Hawke, as the two share a Eurorail seat--she's starting school in Paris, he's finishing a vacation. Their mutual attraction leads to an awkward meeting (beautifully played by each performer), and Hawke suggests that Delpy spend his remaining 14 hours in Vienna with him.
Typically, this skeleton is as much plot as Linklater provides; as usual, he's more interested in concentrating his talents on observing the casual, playful conversations between his leads. His tight time frame allows the characters to say anything to one another, and topics ranging from politics to past romances to fears of the future flow with subtle finesse. The short time frame is also cruel, however, because beneath this love affair lies the painful reality that the two most likely will never see each other again and will be left only with memories--an idea Linklater drives home with an effective snapshot conclusion.
4. "Before Sunset" - In 1994, director Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, Waking Life) made Before Sunrise, a gorgeous poem of a movie about two strangers (played by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) wandering around Vienna, talking, and falling in love. Ten years later, Linklater, Hawke, and Delpy have returned with Before Sunset, which reunites the same characters after Hawke has written a book about that night. Delpy appears at the final book reading of his European tour; they have less than two hours before Hawke has to catch a flight to New York...and in that time, they walk around Paris, talk, and fall in love all over again. It sounds simple, perhaps dull, but it's written with such skill and care and acted with such richness that it's a miracle of filmmaking. On its own, Before Sunset is moving and wonderful; seen right after Before Sunrise, it will break your heart. --Bret Fetzer (Note: Hawke, Delpy and Linklater all wrote this one)
5. "The Very Thought Of You" - The plot centers around Martha (Monica Potter), an American trying to start a new life in London. She meets three men (Tom Hollander, Rufus Sewell (one of my yummy brits) and Joseph Fiennes, who played the title role in Shakespeare in Love). These three are best friends and all three fall in love with her, but the one she falls in love with feels like he's betraying the others to be with her. Despite the resulting confusion, she pursues him to the end--which makes it unlike most current romantic comedies in which the woman is a hapless love object to be captured by the right guy. But more entertainingly, The Very Thought of You pays particular attention to the ways men delude themselves, because the two friends Martha doesn't care for are both convinced she's hankering for them, which allows for some fairly subtle skewering of the male ego. Joseph Fiennes in particular has a relaxed, winning charm that marks him as a rising star. --Bret Fetzer
6."Jet Lag" - Oscar(R) winner Juliette Binoche (Best Supporting Actress, THE ENGLISH PATIENT, 1996; CHOCOLAT) and Jean Reno (RONIN, THE PROFESSIONAL) soar together in a wonderfully fun and sexy comedy where opposites don't just attract, they collide! Pampered beauty queen Rose (Binoche) and over-stressed insomniac Felix (Reno) have only one thing in common: They're through with bad relationships and have both sworn off the opposite sex. So when an airline strike grounds these total strangers together in Paris -- and they're forced to share the last available hotel room in town -- neither can wait to leave the other behind. But the more they try to go their separate ways, the more obvious it becomes that there's no place else they'd rather be
7. "Garden State" Zach Braff (from the TV show Scrubs) stars in his writing/directing debut, Garden State--normally a doomed act of hubris, but Braff pulls it off with unassuming charm. An emotionally numb actor in L.A., Andrew (Braff) comes back to New Jersey after nine years away for his mother's funeral. Andrew avoids his bitter father (Ian Holm, The Sweet Hereafter) and joins old friends (including the superb Peter Sarsgaard, Boys Don't Cry) in a round of parties. Along the way he meets a girl (Natalie Portman, Beautiful Girls) with demons of her own; bit by bit the two offer each other a little healing. Plotwise, Garden State is familiar stuff, a cross between The Graduate and a Meg Ryan movie, but Braff has an eye for goofy but resonant visual images, an ear for lively dialogue, and a great cast. The result is surprisingly fresh and funny. --Bret Fetzer
8. "Dogfight" - Director Nancy Savoca tackles tough material in the battle of the sexes, late-teen division, and makes it bitterly moving. River Phoenix plays one of a group of youngish marines on the verge of shipping out to Southeast Asia in 1963 San Francisco. On their last night in port, they decide to hold a "dogfight": a contest to see who can get the ugliest girl to go out with him. Phoenix winds up with a pudgy waitress (Lili Taylor), who has dreams of being like her hero, Joan Baez. As he draws her out, he finds himself intrigued by the self-contained world she has created for herself and by the time he gets her to the dance he is regretting his decision--but is too macho to pull out. Barely released, the film features touching performances by both the late Phoenix and the always fascinating Taylor, who gives this character great dignity. --Marshall Fine
One of the things I really like about these particular movies is the idea that you could just be somewhere else, far from home and have this intense, emotional experience and connection with a stranger...yeah. I yearn for that kind of experience. I mean, here you are, in a place where no one knows you, you have no history and you can just re-invent yourself (to a degree of course because no matter where you go there you are.) (Having worked for the airline for the past couple of years, practically every trip I've taken (especially the one to England last year) had me wishing and hoping for some kind of experience like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, these are just movies and movies are not real life but still a girl can dream right?) I also like the idea that love happens and it's out of the blue. It's not because you met someone online or were set up on blind date or were trolling the singles bars. It was because you just happened to be someone you wouldn't normally be and then wham! (Another great reason to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE Sam!)
I also like seeing the stories about adults who aren't so young..."Last Chance Harvey" was about the over-40 crowd. Which reminds me, I need to add another show to my R.I.P TV show list..."As Time Goes By" starring Geoffrey Rush and [Dame] Judi Dench.
This list is by no means complete but it's about 4am and I've reached the point where I will fall asleep. I'm not even going to re-read (and re-read and re-read) and edit this. I'm going to post it as is. Hope coherent. Night.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Escapism
I've struggled with how deeply I should get into certain subjects here. While I'm an open and honest person...often wearing my heart on my sleeve and blurting out things on my mind before thinking about them, I've never wanted this to be a bummer of a read (poor Sam) or be whiny (why me) or be extremely self-indulgent (just the normal amount of self-indulgence ...if there is such a thing...). I have aimed to post things about things that weren't too dark or depressing (most of the time I think I've succeeded right?) and I'm wondering if that has been the wisest idea. I put on a happy face for work and for my friends (for the most part right?) and yet there are times when I just want to be sad.
Maybe it's not rational but hey, that's what being a human is all about right? Imperfection and dealing with the moods that we can get in.
It's been my weekend and I've crawled into my hole, not poking my head out for anybody (well, except for B who I saw briefly tonight) as I stay up here in my room, being thankful for air-conditioning and this computer. I blew off getting together with two dear friends, I & S (oh the guilt for blowing them off, but still managing to see B...I feel like that was a terrible thing to do) in favor of wallowing in my own ...bleh.
Isn't it funny how one day you can just been feeling so fine. The world is a happy place and there is nothing to complain about and then wham! the blues descend upon you and you feel like ...what's the point?
I've been wondering how I got to where I am today in regards to certain things about my life and while it does no good to dwell on things in the past that you can't change, I still have to wonder why I make the choices I do.
For the past couple of decades, anytime my thoughts became too much for me to deal with, I've turned to other things to keep me distracted, such as TV and books. Let me step out of my messy world and into someone else's please, thank you very much.
The escape this time was going into "True Blood" world. I was reluctant to watch the show considering I've read ALL of the books that the series is based on (Charlaine Harris - Sookie Stackhouse series.) I'd done some online reading about the show and really didn't want to watch knowing they weren't staying entirely true to the books (do they ever?) but I kept reading and reading and finally I just couldn't resist. It's always interesting to see how the world you picture in your head translates on the screen.
I'm of course sucked in (total pun intended) and am now all caught up to current episodes. It's not bad. I'm just reminding myself that it's getting it mostly right and the things that don't match up are just part of all the fun & excitement of making a series out of novels...artistic license and all that. I'll be curious to see how it develops over time..especially if they keep basing a season on each successive novel.
Anyway, it's been nice getting out of my head for a bit.
I know I've got more than just air-conditioning and a computer to be thankful for (note to self: re-read your list) so what exactly do I have to feel so damn bad about? Seriously? WTF is all this malaise about? OK, now I'm just getting mad at myself 'cause I really don't know what I have to complain about. So what if I'm seriously fucked up about money. No one makes me feel bad about that other than me. So what if I'm a big person with back pain, who deals with her stress by eating junk food? So what if I'm involved with a man who may not be the best for me, but who loves me regardless of all of my crazy moods. So what if I can't make up my mind about school or getting a better job right now. All things in good time right? This is just where I'm at right now and I'm still on the road of my life moving along at a steady pace.
So I think I'm going to decide right now to stop beating myself up at this particular time for spending my weekend the way I did.
And now I'm going to go let the dog out one more time for the night and call it a day.
Maybe it's not rational but hey, that's what being a human is all about right? Imperfection and dealing with the moods that we can get in.
It's been my weekend and I've crawled into my hole, not poking my head out for anybody (well, except for B who I saw briefly tonight) as I stay up here in my room, being thankful for air-conditioning and this computer. I blew off getting together with two dear friends, I & S (oh the guilt for blowing them off, but still managing to see B...I feel like that was a terrible thing to do) in favor of wallowing in my own ...bleh.
Isn't it funny how one day you can just been feeling so fine. The world is a happy place and there is nothing to complain about and then wham! the blues descend upon you and you feel like ...what's the point?
I've been wondering how I got to where I am today in regards to certain things about my life and while it does no good to dwell on things in the past that you can't change, I still have to wonder why I make the choices I do.
For the past couple of decades, anytime my thoughts became too much for me to deal with, I've turned to other things to keep me distracted, such as TV and books. Let me step out of my messy world and into someone else's please, thank you very much.
The escape this time was going into "True Blood" world. I was reluctant to watch the show considering I've read ALL of the books that the series is based on (Charlaine Harris - Sookie Stackhouse series.) I'd done some online reading about the show and really didn't want to watch knowing they weren't staying entirely true to the books (do they ever?) but I kept reading and reading and finally I just couldn't resist. It's always interesting to see how the world you picture in your head translates on the screen.
I'm of course sucked in (total pun intended) and am now all caught up to current episodes. It's not bad. I'm just reminding myself that it's getting it mostly right and the things that don't match up are just part of all the fun & excitement of making a series out of novels...artistic license and all that. I'll be curious to see how it develops over time..especially if they keep basing a season on each successive novel.
Anyway, it's been nice getting out of my head for a bit.
I know I've got more than just air-conditioning and a computer to be thankful for (note to self: re-read your list) so what exactly do I have to feel so damn bad about? Seriously? WTF is all this malaise about? OK, now I'm just getting mad at myself 'cause I really don't know what I have to complain about. So what if I'm seriously fucked up about money. No one makes me feel bad about that other than me. So what if I'm a big person with back pain, who deals with her stress by eating junk food? So what if I'm involved with a man who may not be the best for me, but who loves me regardless of all of my crazy moods. So what if I can't make up my mind about school or getting a better job right now. All things in good time right? This is just where I'm at right now and I'm still on the road of my life moving along at a steady pace.
So I think I'm going to decide right now to stop beating myself up at this particular time for spending my weekend the way I did.
And now I'm going to go let the dog out one more time for the night and call it a day.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Random thoughts, notes, etc.
1. Why is it that even though I'm tired at 1am, I refuse to go to bed? (Oh, I remember...because I can't actually fall asleep then...will lie awake for hours so might as well go to bed later...or is that still the case???)
2. I hate that my lower back hurts, more than usual. I had gone bowling with R & I last Wednesday night (bowling fun..I actually got to 76 on the 2nd game! This preceded by the BEST Chinese food in this town, Bill's!) and on Thursday I was in PAIN! I think the extra amount of pain has to do with the period that never comes. (Boys, feel free to skip this one :) ) My cycle is so frickin' irregular it's not even funny. I have all the symptoms, but no result. Have talked to Dr.'s about it repeatedly but the conclusion is always the same a. get on the pill but I'd have to stop smoking (? - would one really start taking the pill at 38? I would hope that none of this means I'm perimenopausal & could I really stop smoking???) b. live with it. I've chosen b so far but I don't know. I go for months without, then wham! Aunt Flo shows up and she's not only moving in for days but she's redecorating the entire house, including landscaping the yard) Other times, it's just her essence, like a ghost and then she's gone again, but everything else remains...the lower back pain, the moodiness/crankiness, craving for salt and I want IT all the time. (That last bit not so bad.)
3. Glad weather has finally warmed up again. It was cold there for a few days.
4. Cell phone back "on" and thank goodness.
5. Have pile of books to read and am not getting around to it as quickly as I ought to considering they're library books with due dates.
6. Crap, I better hurry, there is a blogger scheduled outage at 12am PDT and it's only 5 minutes away...('cause that's 2am CST time right?)
7. Hope to see friends again this week on days off. Who knows what we'll do but I'm sure it'll be fun.
8. Thought I had so many more interesting things to write about but can't think of any of them right now.
9. Am painting fingernails -as well as toenails -right now. Fun!
10. Aunt in FL is resurfacing a bit and I don't think she's doing very well, but I just can't afford to take time off to go visit/help her right now.
More later.
2. I hate that my lower back hurts, more than usual. I had gone bowling with R & I last Wednesday night (bowling fun..I actually got to 76 on the 2nd game! This preceded by the BEST Chinese food in this town, Bill's!) and on Thursday I was in PAIN! I think the extra amount of pain has to do with the period that never comes. (Boys, feel free to skip this one :) ) My cycle is so frickin' irregular it's not even funny. I have all the symptoms, but no result. Have talked to Dr.'s about it repeatedly but the conclusion is always the same a. get on the pill but I'd have to stop smoking (? - would one really start taking the pill at 38? I would hope that none of this means I'm perimenopausal & could I really stop smoking???) b. live with it. I've chosen b so far but I don't know. I go for months without, then wham! Aunt Flo shows up and she's not only moving in for days but she's redecorating the entire house, including landscaping the yard) Other times, it's just her essence, like a ghost and then she's gone again, but everything else remains...the lower back pain, the moodiness/crankiness, craving for salt and I want IT all the time. (That last bit not so bad.)
3. Glad weather has finally warmed up again. It was cold there for a few days.
4. Cell phone back "on" and thank goodness.
5. Have pile of books to read and am not getting around to it as quickly as I ought to considering they're library books with due dates.
6. Crap, I better hurry, there is a blogger scheduled outage at 12am PDT and it's only 5 minutes away...('cause that's 2am CST time right?)
7. Hope to see friends again this week on days off. Who knows what we'll do but I'm sure it'll be fun.
8. Thought I had so many more interesting things to write about but can't think of any of them right now.
9. Am painting fingernails -as well as toenails -right now. Fun!
10. Aunt in FL is resurfacing a bit and I don't think she's doing very well, but I just can't afford to take time off to go visit/help her right now.
More later.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Hold that thought...
Ah, much better. Mother nature was calling but I wanted to wait until I was done watching the end of season 5, episode 1/season premiere of "Weeds". (What on earth is the "holding it" all about?? I know it's bad for you -and "holding it" aka bogarting it is also not cool...couldn't resist the reference in light of what I was watching! :) )
Great episode. Nothing like watching someone else's really fucked up life to make you feel good about your own. Of course, it's fiction and we're all responsible for the choices we make but this show is really pushing the limits.
I've read a couple of different reviews and both have some valid points about the show; she really can be a terrible mother, in a lot of ways, who continues to steadily spiral downwards into this person who has gotten so far off track morally (as the seasons continue) yet it's all so outrageously funny and dark that you can't help but be drawn in by all of these characters and their responses to their worlds. (I laughed out loud at very inappropriate moments ...uh, just don't ask me to remember which ones right now)
And while all this is so, I think, overall, she really is trying to do the right thing, but keeps getting sidelined by one thing or another.
But maybe that's why this show is so good. Because for many of us, we can relate to that. We try our best but sometimes things just get way out of control. It's all so outrageous and it's left me wanting more.
I can't wait to see what else happens this season.
I've also now watched season 5, episode 1/season premiere of "The Closer" and it's a damn fine show too. Though I certainly miss the characters of "Daniels"...the only other woman on her team. I wonder if it was that she got the transfer/promotion that was talked about at the end of last season (if I'm remembering clearly, that was what was going on) and/or if we'll see her again. They're bringing in Mary McDonnell to add some other "strong woman" conflict. That ought to be interesting to watch. Again, another show I'm looking forward to watching and seeing how things progress ...especially since it sounds like "Fritz" is going to be pushing for a child.
Coming up Thursday, a new episode of "Royal Pains". Woo hoo!
++++++++++
It's almost 3:30am now and I should crash soon. It's been a long week and last night I was up 'til 5am. (I was trying to watch the series 5, episode 6 (season finale) of "Hustle" on youku.com and it kept buffering, so I kept stopping it to let it load and it took FOREVER to get through the whole episode.) Totally unintentional to stay up that late but you know me, once I start something (I like), I get obsessed with finishing it. Then up at 9am because my honey came over for breakfast. :) :) :) and then off to work, another full, fun, exciting day. At least it's Friday. No work for the next 2 days!
Wednesday will be spent sleepin' in, doing laundry and then trying to talk B into bowling with R & I. I know we only have so much time when we do get together so I'm not sure if it'd work...maybe if we both drove separately....he always says he wants to make me happy, so maybe it'll actually happen. At least get a game in...I'll cross my fingers. He hasn't met R yet (and of course not I 'cause she's a new friend) and while things might be slightly awkward, I would love for the important people in my life to meet each other. Not have this one world that is completely separate from another. (I know that's part of the deal though with my relationship with him but I don't always have to like it right? Right!)
Hmm, what else? Not much else. Will hope for much better weather the next couple of days. Though I know the rain has been good for the plants my roommate planted. The backyard is looking good. I really am thankful I have a yard/deck to hang out in/out on. Beats the last few places I've lived where I was either looking at a driveway, fence or parking lot.
Anyway, onward (to bed).
Great episode. Nothing like watching someone else's really fucked up life to make you feel good about your own. Of course, it's fiction and we're all responsible for the choices we make but this show is really pushing the limits.
I've read a couple of different reviews and both have some valid points about the show; she really can be a terrible mother, in a lot of ways, who continues to steadily spiral downwards into this person who has gotten so far off track morally (as the seasons continue) yet it's all so outrageously funny and dark that you can't help but be drawn in by all of these characters and their responses to their worlds. (I laughed out loud at very inappropriate moments ...uh, just don't ask me to remember which ones right now)
And while all this is so, I think, overall, she really is trying to do the right thing, but keeps getting sidelined by one thing or another.
But maybe that's why this show is so good. Because for many of us, we can relate to that. We try our best but sometimes things just get way out of control. It's all so outrageous and it's left me wanting more.
I can't wait to see what else happens this season.
I've also now watched season 5, episode 1/season premiere of "The Closer" and it's a damn fine show too. Though I certainly miss the characters of "Daniels"...the only other woman on her team. I wonder if it was that she got the transfer/promotion that was talked about at the end of last season (if I'm remembering clearly, that was what was going on) and/or if we'll see her again. They're bringing in Mary McDonnell to add some other "strong woman" conflict. That ought to be interesting to watch. Again, another show I'm looking forward to watching and seeing how things progress ...especially since it sounds like "Fritz" is going to be pushing for a child.
Coming up Thursday, a new episode of "Royal Pains". Woo hoo!
++++++++++
It's almost 3:30am now and I should crash soon. It's been a long week and last night I was up 'til 5am. (I was trying to watch the series 5, episode 6 (season finale) of "Hustle" on youku.com and it kept buffering, so I kept stopping it to let it load and it took FOREVER to get through the whole episode.) Totally unintentional to stay up that late but you know me, once I start something (I like), I get obsessed with finishing it. Then up at 9am because my honey came over for breakfast. :) :) :) and then off to work, another full, fun, exciting day. At least it's Friday. No work for the next 2 days!
Wednesday will be spent sleepin' in, doing laundry and then trying to talk B into bowling with R & I. I know we only have so much time when we do get together so I'm not sure if it'd work...maybe if we both drove separately....he always says he wants to make me happy, so maybe it'll actually happen. At least get a game in...I'll cross my fingers. He hasn't met R yet (and of course not I 'cause she's a new friend) and while things might be slightly awkward, I would love for the important people in my life to meet each other. Not have this one world that is completely separate from another. (I know that's part of the deal though with my relationship with him but I don't always have to like it right? Right!)
Hmm, what else? Not much else. Will hope for much better weather the next couple of days. Though I know the rain has been good for the plants my roommate planted. The backyard is looking good. I really am thankful I have a yard/deck to hang out in/out on. Beats the last few places I've lived where I was either looking at a driveway, fence or parking lot.
Anyway, onward (to bed).
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Some highs and some lows
One slight disadvantage to not watching commercial TV is missing previews of new shows. Thank goodness I keep up with tvguide.com & the like.
Not only do I have new season of shows to look forward to this month and next ("The Closer", "Weeds" & "Leverage") but tonight I watched the premier of a new show on the USA network, "Royal Pains" (thanks again hulu.com!) It was great. I can't wait to catch the next episode.
So who says there is great TV show drought in the summertime? That's certainly not the case anymore.
----
Ah, what a fun night I had last night. I needed a fun night after my little fender bender incident yesterday afternoon. (Why they say you should NOT look away for even a second. Stupid people will brake suddenly and wham! You rear end them. And I was doing so good, driving with all the asshole drivers out there (even surviving another winter w/out incident) who suddenly change lanes without notice, follow you too closely or don't stay in their lane. I'm no saint, but I do like to try to drive responsibly and respect other drivers. How sad that you have to drive so defensively just to get from point A to point B.
I hope this is just going to remain a minor thing and not turn into the same kind of situation that happened years ago when the brakes failed on my very first car and months later some lady sued me for injuries. All from her being in a vehicle that got rear ended by my boat. I still think it was a bunch of crap...from everything I read about the lady from the documents my lawyer had, it seemed like the lady was just trying to scam the insurance company. Don't get me wrong, I believe injuries can happen but the rear ending happened from a car moving at like 10 mph, not 30, not 50, not 55, not 60, etc. 10. But what do I know? I have my own back and neck pain and you'd think I'd have sympathy, but people who take advantage of situations like this really piss me off.
Ah well, it's in Geico's hands now. I'll keep tabs on it online and see how things go.
But back to fun. I was still a bit stressed so when touching base with R about getting together that night, he offered to chauffeur me back and forth from his place. What a sweetie. So we hung out, had cocktails, grilled cheddar brats and then later played cards. New friend I (the one I met couple weeks ago through R) had joined us & it was nice to see her again. We topped the evening off by playing Little Big Planet.
I can see why playing video games is addicting! It was a blast. I was definitely a beginner but everyone was so great and encouraging not to mention helpful (I would have died a thousand times instead of just a 100 or so! :) )
When can we play again is the big question. I know I said I wanted to get more physical this summer but I'm working way towards it. Starting off by actually getting out of the house when parts of me yearn to stay in is a big first step.
Life really is about the journey, not the destination right?
Bedtime soon. Work today was a bit rough but survived it. Now just another 4 more days to go before another weekend.
Not only do I have new season of shows to look forward to this month and next ("The Closer", "Weeds" & "Leverage") but tonight I watched the premier of a new show on the USA network, "Royal Pains" (thanks again hulu.com!) It was great. I can't wait to catch the next episode.
So who says there is great TV show drought in the summertime? That's certainly not the case anymore.
----
Ah, what a fun night I had last night. I needed a fun night after my little fender bender incident yesterday afternoon. (Why they say you should NOT look away for even a second. Stupid people will brake suddenly and wham! You rear end them. And I was doing so good, driving with all the asshole drivers out there (even surviving another winter w/out incident) who suddenly change lanes without notice, follow you too closely or don't stay in their lane. I'm no saint, but I do like to try to drive responsibly and respect other drivers. How sad that you have to drive so defensively just to get from point A to point B.
I hope this is just going to remain a minor thing and not turn into the same kind of situation that happened years ago when the brakes failed on my very first car and months later some lady sued me for injuries. All from her being in a vehicle that got rear ended by my boat. I still think it was a bunch of crap...from everything I read about the lady from the documents my lawyer had, it seemed like the lady was just trying to scam the insurance company. Don't get me wrong, I believe injuries can happen but the rear ending happened from a car moving at like 10 mph, not 30, not 50, not 55, not 60, etc. 10. But what do I know? I have my own back and neck pain and you'd think I'd have sympathy, but people who take advantage of situations like this really piss me off.
Ah well, it's in Geico's hands now. I'll keep tabs on it online and see how things go.
But back to fun. I was still a bit stressed so when touching base with R about getting together that night, he offered to chauffeur me back and forth from his place. What a sweetie. So we hung out, had cocktails, grilled cheddar brats and then later played cards. New friend I (the one I met couple weeks ago through R) had joined us & it was nice to see her again. We topped the evening off by playing Little Big Planet.
I can see why playing video games is addicting! It was a blast. I was definitely a beginner but everyone was so great and encouraging not to mention helpful (I would have died a thousand times instead of just a 100 or so! :) )
When can we play again is the big question. I know I said I wanted to get more physical this summer but I'm working way towards it. Starting off by actually getting out of the house when parts of me yearn to stay in is a big first step.
Life really is about the journey, not the destination right?
Bedtime soon. Work today was a bit rough but survived it. Now just another 4 more days to go before another weekend.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Am inspired by this
I'm going to copy and paste this article I've been saving for a few years now. It's a beautifully written piece about love. It spoke to me, on so many levels, the first time I read it. It was just one of the many things I came across in my path to good mental health that I was (am) on. It still speaks to me.
I'll warn you now though, that it's kind of long, so settle in for a good read.
(Also side note: apologies for the bitch/whine/moan session the other day. It felt good but probably not necessary to focus on negative things. (Must think positive!))
Learning to Love and be Loved.
Finding your Soul Mate: Is it Psychic destiny, spiritual law or a matter of self-esteem?
Love.
You may notice I made that an entire sentence. That one little four-letter word can easily be a sentence on its own, an entire book or the meaning of life. I doubt there has ever been a person on this planet that has not at some stage pondered the meaning of this little word. Men have lived for it and men have died for it.
Love and God are probably the two words that encompass infinite connotations.
Most commonly we think of Love as being in love with another person or being loved by another person. Unfortunately, I am no expert on the dynamics or mysteries of finding or keeping Soul Mates.
Being in love can make your heart sing.
Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your Soul has had all the lights turned off.
Love is so profound, so complex and so illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our humanness.
As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more important aspect of love today; that is, Self-Love.
Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking authenticity. Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger to know ourselves, to be connected with ourselves, to feel valued, secure and important. We all struggle to know and understand ourselves, but rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to consider the possibility.
And yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could. Imagine your potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did indeed truly love who you are?
Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or arrogance. Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure. Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity.
How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe we are something less than perfect?
We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to; sometimes its a matter of self-preservation, mostly its just social conditioning. It's funny really, to consider we are all searching for our soul mate from behind our masks.
How will they know us? How will we know them? If we are hiding. Usually we don't even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic.
If you are seriously looking to bring loving relationships into your life, then you must first stop and consider who and what you truly are.
Like attracts like: You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people write a list of their Ideal lover. Things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, good with kids, funny and interesting. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer. It's not going to happen and if it does then it won't last unless you are compatible with this list.
If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you know and I'll tell you anyway, just in case you don't know. You will attract the person who is similar to your real self not your phony self.
You may meet Mr Wonderful, but I assure you he will be Mr. Phony Wonderful. I suspect you have already met him, you have probably met him many times and you will continue to meet him. Why? Because, you are Ms. Phony Wonderful. (Sorry about the bluntness I'm just getting it out of the way so we can get onto the real issues).
First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, I'm talking about what you think he is going to bring into your existence. Is he bringing you affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self- esteem, approval, happiness, and entertainment? Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy?
Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life? And how you can get some, if not all of them by yourself? Whats preventing you from giving yourself all of the above? Don't you think it will be more difficult to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to bring them in yourself? Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr Wonderfuls help? Many women have found that Mr Wonderful simply bought an appetite for food and dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that you expect.
Here is your first clue to finding your soul mate.
Be who and what you are looking for. Again, you can only attract what you magnetize. To be a magnet you must be compatible. Mr handsome, rich, talented witty,considerate, kind and loyal, is not looking for Ms bored, critical, unhappy and destitute. Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone but you has someone special and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, most of those people are somewhere between meeting a replica and leaving a replica. What does the divorce rate tell you? It says all those people believed they had found a Soul mate and all those people discovered they did not.
The mask has to come off and when it does its devastating. We blame ourselves, we blame our lovers, but no ones to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion of who we thought we were and who we thought they were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be broken.
That longing and that knowing, that love is available to you, it is not out there in the shape of anyone else, that longing is your own voice calling for you to step up and love yourself. If you really want to love and be loved you must first meet with your authentic self. You will need to peel away the layers of protection and conditioning, let go of self-doubt, drop the pretend you, and start feeding your Soul, by being your authentic self.
I don't know how or why we have been so minimized or why we have become so disconnected from ourselves, but the time has come to simply re-claim ourselves and put ourselves back together.
Are you brave enough to give yourself a voice? Would you stand up for yourself and eliminate criticism and disrespect from people? (Including yourself).
Would you be willing to try new things and allow yourself to fail, but still keep on until you achieved it? Is it possible that you might make your home beautiful, comfortable and enjoyable for yourself?
Spend time alone and entertain, enjoy, create and relax with yourself.
What would happen if you got to know your body and felt fascinated and attracted to it? Perhaps you could marvel at its perfection and magnificence, feed it well, give it pleasure, move it and challenge it.
What if you dumped all those energy vampires you call friends, those people who bring you down and suffocate you?
If you were really tired and stressed, would it be a possibility that you could go to a spa, have a massage, stop working and go out to play?
What are the chances you might change jobs, move to another town, take up acting or dancing, buy some great music or clothes?
Can you start telling jokes, bring positive, up lifting conversations to your table, inspire or motivate people? What about yourself? Can you dismiss, walk away, or insist that people stop bringing you down with their gossip, sarcasm, negativity and doom and gloom?
Can you and will you, stop beating yourself up and hurting yourself? What if you took all those painful memories and decided they are not little movies to re-run over and over, would you or could you decide to turn them off the second they came up?
What if you started making thoughtful and special meals for yourself? What would happen if you decided to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to treat you.
Isn't it possible to be in love with yourself?
Wouldn't you be willing to supply all of the above to Mr Wonderful if he walked in? Why are you less considerate of yourself?
Why have we never been taught or encouraged to Love Honor and Cherish ourselves. In fact we have been taught exactly the opposite, haven't we?
Undoing and re-creating your history
Take your mind back to your earliest childhood memories; if you can't remember your own childhood then think about your own children or any child under 5 yrs. In these years we are as true to ourselves as we will ever be.
We learn more in the first 5 years of life than we do in the rest of our lives. Now that's amazing, considering you do not know the language, you do not know the social requirements and you are totally incapable of providing for yourself. You have no income, no real talents or skills, no language skills and no personal possessions.
I'll say it again, because I really want you to get it. You learn and achieve more in the first 5 years of your life than in all the years that follow.
At this time of life we are all equal: We live in the present moment and we trust that all our needs will be met. If we need or want something, we can communicate those needs and will continue to do so until we get what we want.
We are hungry for knowledge and excited about everything we contact. We trust everyone and totally believe in ourselves. We learn to speak, walk, eat and play. We tie knots, button shirts and put on socks. Many learn to swim or ride a bike, catch and throw balls, dance, sing, skip, run and jump. We learn colors, shapes, numbers and alphabet, often we can write and usually we can paint.
We enjoy every day and never worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. We have no fear, guilt, self-doubt or judgments.
We never considered that we couldn't do things. We all fell many times when we began to walk, but we never considered that we should give it up and accept that it couldn't be done. There is not anything you ever learned that you got perfect the first time you tried. You learned what you know for one reason, and that is, you believed in yourself and you kept on until you got it.
If you consider what you were able to achieve within the first five years, with no experience at all, imagine what you could do now, with all the knowledge, experience and resources you have. All you would need is to get yourself back to that state of believing in yourself, that tenacity and that ability to live within the present.
The greatest handicap we all have is the layers and layers of conditioning and baggage that has been piled on top of us. That beautiful, talented, brilliant child that you were has been smothered and retarded by incorrect information, humiliation, restrictions, criticism and boredom. Schools teach us a lot of great stuff, but unfortunately they also teach us about failure, comparison, unfairness and quite often cruelty. School and childhood, for most of us, is the original source of self-doubt. I have never known such cruelty and injustice as I found during my school years. For many of us childhood was a time of personality, character and humanness assassination. A breeding ground for the destruction of the spirit.
Life presents many joys and much heartache. Every experience, every thought, emotion and action, that went before, created the person you are today. The good and the bad were equally important in molding who and what you are today. If you stop carrying and resenting your past pains you might consider them to be your "rights of passage".
Bad things happen for good reasons.
Many times bad things happened for good reasons and we can't really regret them, as often, it is the hardships that gave us the most valuable aspects of ourselves.
At some point, and I hope that point is now, we must stop and address where we are and where we are headed. This is a most important crossroad as this is the point in which we need to ask, What needs to be released? What am I carrying that is too heavy and restrictive? What aspects of myself are holding me back?
So many people are carrying such heavy loads that they can hardly breathe. Suicide has reached epidemic proportions in the western world; drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work and gambling addictions have become so common that almost everyone has at least one of the above afflictions ruining their lives right now.
Its easy to look at the drug addict or alcoholic and express your judgments, but what are you currently using to medicate or tranquillize yourself with?
If you seriously wish to find happiness and fulfillment in your life you will need to get honest with yourself and seriously consider what needs to be let go of. It's not so much about what you have had happen, it's about what you kept and have continued to carry.
No one and Nothing will has ever hurt you as much as you have hurt yourself. People and events can hurt you deeply; one minute of criticism, anger, ridicule or cruelty can travel with you for years and years. It can change you on the deepest levels, it can change your personality, and it can change the course of your life. But, is it the event or is it the time and emotion that you, yourself, put into it that changed you? Maybe only 10% of your limitations originated at the event; maybe 90% of your limitations were maintained by you, carrying the event.
We all have wisdom with hindsight.
I once confronted my Father about childhood issues I had with him. He was deeply hurt and struggled to explain himself. He simply said, "I did the best I could, with the limited knowledge I had, at that particular point in time" Many years later my own son came to me and confronted me with things from his childhood that he held me responsible for, I remembered my Fathers words and I said to my Son, "I did the best I could, with the limited knowledge I had, at that particular point in time".
Your Father may have abandoned you as a child; It is not your fault, he did not leave you. You are not responsible and you cannot undo it. He will not re-immerge from the bottom of your bottle and give you back your Father.
Your Husband left you destitute and it is not because you are unlovable; there are probably thousands of reasons that added up to bring about this behavior and you will never know what those reasons were. It will appear to be about the last fight or the last disappointment, but it's not. Its about everything that made him who and what he was at that time. It is not your fault. On the off chance that it was your fault then what can you do? Eat until the pain stops? You cannot eat him back, so why are you continuing to stuff food into your body. It will not change the fact that he has gone.
You were humiliated in third grade and you are now 34 yrs old; that humiliation may be the core reason why you gave up trying new things. That one moment in time shaped
the rest of your life, that one moment is behind every failure that followed. Because you unconsciously decided to maintain it in your psyche. It's killing you. Let it go!
My point is this. People and experiences can hurt you and permanently damage you, but what is, is! If it could have been changed then you would have changed it way before now. Some thing's cannot be undone, you must decide to let go and leave them at the original source.
Somewhere, as you sit here reading this, someone is holding a gun to their head and their life is about to end. This is the tragedy of how someone can take on layers and layers of incorrect information about themselves. It is rarely about whats happening; it is always about what we decide to believe and how far and how long we decide to carry it.
This is an extreme example and I don't mean to freak you out, I really want you to see how important it is to let go of all the things that you have carried for far too long. If you have any belief that you are unlovable or unworthy then the belief is wrong. It only takes one minute for an event to destroy you but it also only takes one minute for you to decide what beliefs you will validate or carry.
Most of our insecurities and fears originated in false information about ourselves.
It could be very simple for you to take a few minutes to think about the thoughts and beliefs that are not valid, have no purpose, are totally untrue, unfair, and down right stupid, that you may have carried for years and years.
If you did this right now you could then also decide to give them back, challenge them and eliminate them. It is possible and very, very easy to make a decision to re-create new and better belief systems.
Imagine if you had the tools as a child to say to that Teacher or Parent; You're wrong about that, you've made a mistake and you have shown me your ignorance; I will not be taking it with me.
Imagine if you had been able to say to your cheating husband you've made a big mistake here and I'm thankful to be cutting you loose. Imagine if every time you failed at something you said to yourself “Well that doesn't work, what else can I try?"
You could do that now you know. You could do that all the time. That's how your future could be. If you loved yourself.
Love attracts love, but it starts from the inside and then works its way out. It's then and only then that it can gather to itself and be returned. It's very true that the more love you give away the more love will come back to you. Be in love with yourself, let yourself love life and all that it encompasses. Why wait for someone or some later time when you have all the love you need within yourself, right now.
Your Life's purpose.
We all wonder what our life's purpose is. What we are here to be or what we are meant to do? It's very simple, you are here to be you.
There are countless billions of people on the planet, with many similarities and
many differences, but there is only one you. The lives of your Parents and Ancestors have been passed to you like a baton in a relay race. You have some handicaps and some advantages. Good things and bad things will come your way. Some people will lift you up and some will push you down. This race is entirely your experience, not one other person in the history of the world has your entire unique make-up.
You are not here to be "the assistant" in someone else's life. You are here to be you.
You have your own unique DNA, personality, experiences, emotional and physical history and many thousands of influences that make you who, what and how you are. No one, absolutely no one, knows more about you than you do. So, be yourself and no one can tell you, you are doing it wrong.
If you spend any time at all thinking you are any less valuable or worthy than anyone else, then it's your thinking that is wrong. In life, we have many baited lines thrown to us, with a little attention we can be prepared for them and take the time to decide which ones will hurt us and which ones will feed us. You have the power to decide which ones you will grab and which ones you will run with. Remember this: A soaring Eagle pays no mind to the opinion of the lowly ground creatures.
Metamorphosis
Take a moment to consider the Butterfly . A Butterfly starts out as a Grub. It is really limited. Of all the creatures I guess its one that has the least going for it. Its plain, untalented and at the very bottom of the food chain. Its the most likely creature to be eaten up by just about everything. It has no defenses at all.
A Grub then goes through a stage of being totally bound and locked up in darkness. It cant move, it is in total darkness and stillness, but its in this darkness that the metamorphosis begins. Imagine the immense struggle, danger and fear involved in having to push himself out of that cocoon. (Imagine if he decided at this stage it was all too hard and just gave up) When he finally does, he emerges with great beauty and so much potential. That he can fly!
----
I've looked for it on Google, so I could give credit to the author but I can't find it and my notes only say it's by K.m.
I hope you enjoyed it. I couldn't think of anything particularly meaningful or interesting to write about myself so I thought this would be a good time & place for this.
Now to bed. It's almost 3:30am and even though I had a very relaxing day today, I'm tired. Another day off tomorrow, thank goodness. I will try to have a day of fun now that I've had a day of rest. Then back to work on Saturday with a much better attitude.
Onward. (Thanks J!)
I'll warn you now though, that it's kind of long, so settle in for a good read.
(Also side note: apologies for the bitch/whine/moan session the other day. It felt good but probably not necessary to focus on negative things. (Must think positive!))
Learning to Love and be Loved.
Finding your Soul Mate: Is it Psychic destiny, spiritual law or a matter of self-esteem?
Love.
You may notice I made that an entire sentence. That one little four-letter word can easily be a sentence on its own, an entire book or the meaning of life. I doubt there has ever been a person on this planet that has not at some stage pondered the meaning of this little word. Men have lived for it and men have died for it.
Love and God are probably the two words that encompass infinite connotations.
Most commonly we think of Love as being in love with another person or being loved by another person. Unfortunately, I am no expert on the dynamics or mysteries of finding or keeping Soul Mates.
Being in love can make your heart sing.
Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your Soul has had all the lights turned off.
Love is so profound, so complex and so illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our humanness.
As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more important aspect of love today; that is, Self-Love.
Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking authenticity. Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger to know ourselves, to be connected with ourselves, to feel valued, secure and important. We all struggle to know and understand ourselves, but rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to consider the possibility.
And yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could. Imagine your potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did indeed truly love who you are?
Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or arrogance. Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure. Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity.
How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe we are something less than perfect?
We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to; sometimes its a matter of self-preservation, mostly its just social conditioning. It's funny really, to consider we are all searching for our soul mate from behind our masks.
How will they know us? How will we know them? If we are hiding. Usually we don't even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic.
If you are seriously looking to bring loving relationships into your life, then you must first stop and consider who and what you truly are.
Like attracts like: You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people write a list of their Ideal lover. Things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, good with kids, funny and interesting. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer. It's not going to happen and if it does then it won't last unless you are compatible with this list.
If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you know and I'll tell you anyway, just in case you don't know. You will attract the person who is similar to your real self not your phony self.
You may meet Mr Wonderful, but I assure you he will be Mr. Phony Wonderful. I suspect you have already met him, you have probably met him many times and you will continue to meet him. Why? Because, you are Ms. Phony Wonderful. (Sorry about the bluntness I'm just getting it out of the way so we can get onto the real issues).
First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, I'm talking about what you think he is going to bring into your existence. Is he bringing you affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self- esteem, approval, happiness, and entertainment? Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy?
Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life? And how you can get some, if not all of them by yourself? Whats preventing you from giving yourself all of the above? Don't you think it will be more difficult to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to bring them in yourself? Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr Wonderfuls help? Many women have found that Mr Wonderful simply bought an appetite for food and dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that you expect.
Here is your first clue to finding your soul mate.
Be who and what you are looking for. Again, you can only attract what you magnetize. To be a magnet you must be compatible. Mr handsome, rich, talented witty,considerate, kind and loyal, is not looking for Ms bored, critical, unhappy and destitute. Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone but you has someone special and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, most of those people are somewhere between meeting a replica and leaving a replica. What does the divorce rate tell you? It says all those people believed they had found a Soul mate and all those people discovered they did not.
The mask has to come off and when it does its devastating. We blame ourselves, we blame our lovers, but no ones to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion of who we thought we were and who we thought they were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be broken.
That longing and that knowing, that love is available to you, it is not out there in the shape of anyone else, that longing is your own voice calling for you to step up and love yourself. If you really want to love and be loved you must first meet with your authentic self. You will need to peel away the layers of protection and conditioning, let go of self-doubt, drop the pretend you, and start feeding your Soul, by being your authentic self.
I don't know how or why we have been so minimized or why we have become so disconnected from ourselves, but the time has come to simply re-claim ourselves and put ourselves back together.
Are you brave enough to give yourself a voice? Would you stand up for yourself and eliminate criticism and disrespect from people? (Including yourself).
Would you be willing to try new things and allow yourself to fail, but still keep on until you achieved it? Is it possible that you might make your home beautiful, comfortable and enjoyable for yourself?
Spend time alone and entertain, enjoy, create and relax with yourself.
What would happen if you got to know your body and felt fascinated and attracted to it? Perhaps you could marvel at its perfection and magnificence, feed it well, give it pleasure, move it and challenge it.
What if you dumped all those energy vampires you call friends, those people who bring you down and suffocate you?
If you were really tired and stressed, would it be a possibility that you could go to a spa, have a massage, stop working and go out to play?
What are the chances you might change jobs, move to another town, take up acting or dancing, buy some great music or clothes?
Can you start telling jokes, bring positive, up lifting conversations to your table, inspire or motivate people? What about yourself? Can you dismiss, walk away, or insist that people stop bringing you down with their gossip, sarcasm, negativity and doom and gloom?
Can you and will you, stop beating yourself up and hurting yourself? What if you took all those painful memories and decided they are not little movies to re-run over and over, would you or could you decide to turn them off the second they came up?
What if you started making thoughtful and special meals for yourself? What would happen if you decided to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to treat you.
Isn't it possible to be in love with yourself?
Wouldn't you be willing to supply all of the above to Mr Wonderful if he walked in? Why are you less considerate of yourself?
Why have we never been taught or encouraged to Love Honor and Cherish ourselves. In fact we have been taught exactly the opposite, haven't we?
Undoing and re-creating your history
Take your mind back to your earliest childhood memories; if you can't remember your own childhood then think about your own children or any child under 5 yrs. In these years we are as true to ourselves as we will ever be.
We learn more in the first 5 years of life than we do in the rest of our lives. Now that's amazing, considering you do not know the language, you do not know the social requirements and you are totally incapable of providing for yourself. You have no income, no real talents or skills, no language skills and no personal possessions.
I'll say it again, because I really want you to get it. You learn and achieve more in the first 5 years of your life than in all the years that follow.
At this time of life we are all equal: We live in the present moment and we trust that all our needs will be met. If we need or want something, we can communicate those needs and will continue to do so until we get what we want.
We are hungry for knowledge and excited about everything we contact. We trust everyone and totally believe in ourselves. We learn to speak, walk, eat and play. We tie knots, button shirts and put on socks. Many learn to swim or ride a bike, catch and throw balls, dance, sing, skip, run and jump. We learn colors, shapes, numbers and alphabet, often we can write and usually we can paint.
We enjoy every day and never worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. We have no fear, guilt, self-doubt or judgments.
We never considered that we couldn't do things. We all fell many times when we began to walk, but we never considered that we should give it up and accept that it couldn't be done. There is not anything you ever learned that you got perfect the first time you tried. You learned what you know for one reason, and that is, you believed in yourself and you kept on until you got it.
If you consider what you were able to achieve within the first five years, with no experience at all, imagine what you could do now, with all the knowledge, experience and resources you have. All you would need is to get yourself back to that state of believing in yourself, that tenacity and that ability to live within the present.
The greatest handicap we all have is the layers and layers of conditioning and baggage that has been piled on top of us. That beautiful, talented, brilliant child that you were has been smothered and retarded by incorrect information, humiliation, restrictions, criticism and boredom. Schools teach us a lot of great stuff, but unfortunately they also teach us about failure, comparison, unfairness and quite often cruelty. School and childhood, for most of us, is the original source of self-doubt. I have never known such cruelty and injustice as I found during my school years. For many of us childhood was a time of personality, character and humanness assassination. A breeding ground for the destruction of the spirit.
Life presents many joys and much heartache. Every experience, every thought, emotion and action, that went before, created the person you are today. The good and the bad were equally important in molding who and what you are today. If you stop carrying and resenting your past pains you might consider them to be your "rights of passage".
Bad things happen for good reasons.
Many times bad things happened for good reasons and we can't really regret them, as often, it is the hardships that gave us the most valuable aspects of ourselves.
At some point, and I hope that point is now, we must stop and address where we are and where we are headed. This is a most important crossroad as this is the point in which we need to ask, What needs to be released? What am I carrying that is too heavy and restrictive? What aspects of myself are holding me back?
So many people are carrying such heavy loads that they can hardly breathe. Suicide has reached epidemic proportions in the western world; drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work and gambling addictions have become so common that almost everyone has at least one of the above afflictions ruining their lives right now.
Its easy to look at the drug addict or alcoholic and express your judgments, but what are you currently using to medicate or tranquillize yourself with?
If you seriously wish to find happiness and fulfillment in your life you will need to get honest with yourself and seriously consider what needs to be let go of. It's not so much about what you have had happen, it's about what you kept and have continued to carry.
No one and Nothing will has ever hurt you as much as you have hurt yourself. People and events can hurt you deeply; one minute of criticism, anger, ridicule or cruelty can travel with you for years and years. It can change you on the deepest levels, it can change your personality, and it can change the course of your life. But, is it the event or is it the time and emotion that you, yourself, put into it that changed you? Maybe only 10% of your limitations originated at the event; maybe 90% of your limitations were maintained by you, carrying the event.
We all have wisdom with hindsight.
I once confronted my Father about childhood issues I had with him. He was deeply hurt and struggled to explain himself. He simply said, "I did the best I could, with the limited knowledge I had, at that particular point in time" Many years later my own son came to me and confronted me with things from his childhood that he held me responsible for, I remembered my Fathers words and I said to my Son, "I did the best I could, with the limited knowledge I had, at that particular point in time".
Your Father may have abandoned you as a child; It is not your fault, he did not leave you. You are not responsible and you cannot undo it. He will not re-immerge from the bottom of your bottle and give you back your Father.
Your Husband left you destitute and it is not because you are unlovable; there are probably thousands of reasons that added up to bring about this behavior and you will never know what those reasons were. It will appear to be about the last fight or the last disappointment, but it's not. Its about everything that made him who and what he was at that time. It is not your fault. On the off chance that it was your fault then what can you do? Eat until the pain stops? You cannot eat him back, so why are you continuing to stuff food into your body. It will not change the fact that he has gone.
You were humiliated in third grade and you are now 34 yrs old; that humiliation may be the core reason why you gave up trying new things. That one moment in time shaped
the rest of your life, that one moment is behind every failure that followed. Because you unconsciously decided to maintain it in your psyche. It's killing you. Let it go!
My point is this. People and experiences can hurt you and permanently damage you, but what is, is! If it could have been changed then you would have changed it way before now. Some thing's cannot be undone, you must decide to let go and leave them at the original source.
Somewhere, as you sit here reading this, someone is holding a gun to their head and their life is about to end. This is the tragedy of how someone can take on layers and layers of incorrect information about themselves. It is rarely about whats happening; it is always about what we decide to believe and how far and how long we decide to carry it.
This is an extreme example and I don't mean to freak you out, I really want you to see how important it is to let go of all the things that you have carried for far too long. If you have any belief that you are unlovable or unworthy then the belief is wrong. It only takes one minute for an event to destroy you but it also only takes one minute for you to decide what beliefs you will validate or carry.
Most of our insecurities and fears originated in false information about ourselves.
It could be very simple for you to take a few minutes to think about the thoughts and beliefs that are not valid, have no purpose, are totally untrue, unfair, and down right stupid, that you may have carried for years and years.
If you did this right now you could then also decide to give them back, challenge them and eliminate them. It is possible and very, very easy to make a decision to re-create new and better belief systems.
Imagine if you had the tools as a child to say to that Teacher or Parent; You're wrong about that, you've made a mistake and you have shown me your ignorance; I will not be taking it with me.
Imagine if you had been able to say to your cheating husband you've made a big mistake here and I'm thankful to be cutting you loose. Imagine if every time you failed at something you said to yourself “Well that doesn't work, what else can I try?"
You could do that now you know. You could do that all the time. That's how your future could be. If you loved yourself.
Love attracts love, but it starts from the inside and then works its way out. It's then and only then that it can gather to itself and be returned. It's very true that the more love you give away the more love will come back to you. Be in love with yourself, let yourself love life and all that it encompasses. Why wait for someone or some later time when you have all the love you need within yourself, right now.
Your Life's purpose.
We all wonder what our life's purpose is. What we are here to be or what we are meant to do? It's very simple, you are here to be you.
There are countless billions of people on the planet, with many similarities and
many differences, but there is only one you. The lives of your Parents and Ancestors have been passed to you like a baton in a relay race. You have some handicaps and some advantages. Good things and bad things will come your way. Some people will lift you up and some will push you down. This race is entirely your experience, not one other person in the history of the world has your entire unique make-up.
You are not here to be "the assistant" in someone else's life. You are here to be you.
You have your own unique DNA, personality, experiences, emotional and physical history and many thousands of influences that make you who, what and how you are. No one, absolutely no one, knows more about you than you do. So, be yourself and no one can tell you, you are doing it wrong.
If you spend any time at all thinking you are any less valuable or worthy than anyone else, then it's your thinking that is wrong. In life, we have many baited lines thrown to us, with a little attention we can be prepared for them and take the time to decide which ones will hurt us and which ones will feed us. You have the power to decide which ones you will grab and which ones you will run with. Remember this: A soaring Eagle pays no mind to the opinion of the lowly ground creatures.
Metamorphosis
Take a moment to consider the Butterfly . A Butterfly starts out as a Grub. It is really limited. Of all the creatures I guess its one that has the least going for it. Its plain, untalented and at the very bottom of the food chain. Its the most likely creature to be eaten up by just about everything. It has no defenses at all.
A Grub then goes through a stage of being totally bound and locked up in darkness. It cant move, it is in total darkness and stillness, but its in this darkness that the metamorphosis begins. Imagine the immense struggle, danger and fear involved in having to push himself out of that cocoon. (Imagine if he decided at this stage it was all too hard and just gave up) When he finally does, he emerges with great beauty and so much potential. That he can fly!
----
I've looked for it on Google, so I could give credit to the author but I can't find it and my notes only say it's by K.m.
I hope you enjoyed it. I couldn't think of anything particularly meaningful or interesting to write about myself so I thought this would be a good time & place for this.
Now to bed. It's almost 3:30am and even though I had a very relaxing day today, I'm tired. Another day off tomorrow, thank goodness. I will try to have a day of fun now that I've had a day of rest. Then back to work on Saturday with a much better attitude.
Onward. (Thanks J!)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Whine. Bitch. Moan.
I just finished day 5 of a 6 day stretch of work. That is too many days to work this job in a row. I can barely handle 5 days most of the time. Call after call after call of the same questions and complaints. I requested an unpaid day off tomorrow and they didn't give it to me. I'm so frickin' tired and tired of these callers and worrying about call stats and sales.
How sad is it what happened to the Air France flight? My heart goes out to those families of the missing/presumed dead passengers on it. Thankfully, gratefully I mention that it's not affecting us at all at my work because it wasn't a "code shared" flight (which means we/Delta weren't selling it as one of our flights so we didn't have any passengers on it.) Flying is scary enough for some people and the thought of something like this being able to happen...ugh. So far though, it hasn't discouraged our callers from buying tickets.
I frequently have to tell people that flying/traveling is an adventure. One really should look at it that way. Delays happen, shit happens. We'd rather have your ass stranded at an airport, even if it means sleeping there all night than have you dead. That's all there is to it. NWA/Delta actually have pretty good stats when it comes to on-time performance and reliability. But it's not a perfect world we live in and when a tragedy happens, it should serve as a reminder that life is precious and we should live each day like it's our last because it could very well be.
I'm cranky tonight. A co-worker snuck up behind me in the break room as I was eating dinner and scared the shit out of me. I was so angry I could have killed him. Then on the way home, there were signs indicating that up about a mile ahead the left 2 lanes were going to be closed. I hate that I, and a lot of other drivers go ahead and get into the correct lane and but other impatient assholes think they're special and wait until they absolutely have to get over into the proper lane until there is no other choice. One particular asshole tonight didn't wait his turn, nope, just got it front of me when he should have waited until I went first. Then I come home and cat has left a "present" for me on my bed. I swear, I could kill him when he does that.
So WTF is up with my temper? I don't get mad very often but when I do, it's out of control. I just want to beat something up, break something, scream and be physically violent. Is it some behavior I learned from a certain parent? I love him to death, he's dad but man oh man did he have quite the temper that we, as a family, frequently experienced. He was never physically violent but damn, it was scary at times. My brother has similar issues with his temper, actually has damaged property/possessions because of it.
Pop has mellowed over the years (thank goodness) but now that I'm writing about it, thinking about it, I guess I'm wondering about the long term affects of having lived with that growing up. I know it certainly explains why I love B so much, he so doesn't have a temper. In over 15 years, I've never heard or seen him shout, yell or lose his cool. (Of course this is just one of the many reasons why I love him.)
Well, you know what? I feel a little better now having vented here. Now if only my neck would stop hurting. I literally have a pain in my neck tonight. Have had for the past couple of days. And now all of a sudden I have a cough. Frick. I cannot wait for my day off, Thursday. I had hopes of spending time with friends, but I have a feeling I'm gonna want to just veg out at home in my p.j.s and not talk to ANYONE! Enough is enough.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
p.s. what is up with the computer getting so damn hot? Is that just the curse of laptops?
How sad is it what happened to the Air France flight? My heart goes out to those families of the missing/presumed dead passengers on it. Thankfully, gratefully I mention that it's not affecting us at all at my work because it wasn't a "code shared" flight (which means we/Delta weren't selling it as one of our flights so we didn't have any passengers on it.) Flying is scary enough for some people and the thought of something like this being able to happen...ugh. So far though, it hasn't discouraged our callers from buying tickets.
I frequently have to tell people that flying/traveling is an adventure. One really should look at it that way. Delays happen, shit happens. We'd rather have your ass stranded at an airport, even if it means sleeping there all night than have you dead. That's all there is to it. NWA/Delta actually have pretty good stats when it comes to on-time performance and reliability. But it's not a perfect world we live in and when a tragedy happens, it should serve as a reminder that life is precious and we should live each day like it's our last because it could very well be.
I'm cranky tonight. A co-worker snuck up behind me in the break room as I was eating dinner and scared the shit out of me. I was so angry I could have killed him. Then on the way home, there were signs indicating that up about a mile ahead the left 2 lanes were going to be closed. I hate that I, and a lot of other drivers go ahead and get into the correct lane and but other impatient assholes think they're special and wait until they absolutely have to get over into the proper lane until there is no other choice. One particular asshole tonight didn't wait his turn, nope, just got it front of me when he should have waited until I went first. Then I come home and cat has left a "present" for me on my bed. I swear, I could kill him when he does that.
So WTF is up with my temper? I don't get mad very often but when I do, it's out of control. I just want to beat something up, break something, scream and be physically violent. Is it some behavior I learned from a certain parent? I love him to death, he's dad but man oh man did he have quite the temper that we, as a family, frequently experienced. He was never physically violent but damn, it was scary at times. My brother has similar issues with his temper, actually has damaged property/possessions because of it.
Pop has mellowed over the years (thank goodness) but now that I'm writing about it, thinking about it, I guess I'm wondering about the long term affects of having lived with that growing up. I know it certainly explains why I love B so much, he so doesn't have a temper. In over 15 years, I've never heard or seen him shout, yell or lose his cool. (Of course this is just one of the many reasons why I love him.)
Well, you know what? I feel a little better now having vented here. Now if only my neck would stop hurting. I literally have a pain in my neck tonight. Have had for the past couple of days. And now all of a sudden I have a cough. Frick. I cannot wait for my day off, Thursday. I had hopes of spending time with friends, but I have a feeling I'm gonna want to just veg out at home in my p.j.s and not talk to ANYONE! Enough is enough.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
p.s. what is up with the computer getting so damn hot? Is that just the curse of laptops?
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Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!