I just had to copy/paste my horoscope(s) this week from Seattle Weekly. Really dig 'em this week (some weeks they just don't speak to me as well as others)
Check out yours at
http://www.seattleweekly.com/2009-05-27/diversions/sign-language/
----
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Realism and hope aren't necessarily happy bedfellows. In some people's lives, they never even cross paths. Yet I contend that if you can sit the two perspectives down together in a room long enough for them to find some common ground (in many cases this might be quite a long time indeed), they eventually could form the most rock-solid, unshakeable, and productive marriage imaginable. It's a matter of letting the two ideas hash it out and work out their differences once and for all; once they do, they'll be able to live pretty much happily every after. Give them that chance. Once they're working together inside your head, you'll be virtually unstoppable.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
One isn't the loneliest number, not by a country mile. For some people the loneliest number is three, or 12, or 50. It's far worse to feel isolated or left out when you're surrounded by people than it is when you're actually alone. That kind of loneliness has a much greater weight and impact than the deserted-island kind. Stranded on a beach by yourself, you can make friends with a coconut head or a hermit crab. But stranded at a party, things are not so simple. You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you? That's why if you're given the chance to keep someone else from feeling that way this week, I know you'll go out on a limb and take it.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Synchonicity (or Why? Why not! part II)
Synchronicity - is the experience of two or more events which are causally unrelated occurring together in a supposedly meaningful manner. In order to count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.
Event 1 -writing that previous post about my self/body image
Event 2 -finding the hungry-girl website (well, actually it was the subject of email newsletter sent by Oprah's guy Bob Green that I subscribe to) that is all about food and how to make favorites less fattening and more healthy
Event 3 -having gotten this book Eating Heaven by Jennie Shortridge from the library that I thought looked relevant and interesting
I've only been up for a few minutes and haven't had any coffee yet, so be patient with me as I attempt to put thoughts to computer in a coherent fashion.
Stayed up waaaaaaaaaay too late last night...I just had to finish that book mentioned above. It was sad, happy and poignant all at once. And now I just have to write about some of the things buzzing around in my head about it.
The heroine is a single woman in her late 30's named Ellie who is struggling with her weight (how could I resist this book?!) yet her life becomes more complicated as she ends up having to take care of her uncle who is dying from cancer. Yet in the midst of that, she continues to work as a freelance writer who writes about food -the various ways to change the recipes so that they're Fat-free! Carb-free! (Taste-free!) when all she really wants is to enjoy them as they are meant to be enjoyed being made with real butter, real cheese, etc. because she LOVES food.
She deals with her anxieties, stresses and loneliness by binge eating.
Her feelings of loneliness hit me especially hard and at one point I read "Lying in the dark, more alone that I know how to cope with, I feel a shrinking sensation I remember from childhood fevers. I have to open my eyes and draw a deep breath to keep from disappearing, touch my skin to make sure I experience sensation."
As the story continues, her life revolves around taking care of her uncle after they discover he has cancer, shopping for the food she needs to cook to use for her articles and dealing with her distant (geographically and emotionally) family.
Having grown up with a self-absorbed mother and a distant (and fairly recently deceased father) she is using the coping mechanism of eating to replace to the love she didn't receive as a child (though some love was offered in the form of a replacement father-figure in her uncle, the man she is now taking care of. (He's not really her uncle, but I won't go into that sub-plot because this post isn't about that)) and using food as an excuse to avoid dealing with what's really eating her (I think that's actually the subject of another book isn't it?)
As her uncles condition gets worse,2 things happen, the first being that she is sent to interview a chef for a newspaper article and it changes her life because she meets the man who not only shares her passion for food but makes her feel alive again (and her size doesn't matter!) and the other being her that she is so overwhelmed and preoccupied with doing what she can for her uncle that she stops focusing on herself. Her coping strategy changes. Watching her uncle die, she has no interest in eating at all and actually loses weight.
A part of me wishes this wasn't yet another story that I've read about how being large is a symptom of something being wrong in the characters life and it ends with them dealing with that problem and them losing weight (Good in Bed/Jennifer Weiner; Jemima J/Jane Green, etc.) I keep looking for that story that is about a plus-sized woman who doesn't lose the weight in the end and I'll just have to keep looking.
However, while yes, this was that kind of story, I know there is some truth to it. For years I wondered what exactly it was that led to me becoming this size (because of course it wasn't only because I was eating more and becoming less physically active!)-though therapy never uncovered the exact answer other than my acknowledging that my weight serves me some uses (it definitely gets me the attention I crave, (yes, I know there have got to be alternative ways to get the attention I think I need)) but as I wrote about in my previous post, I reached that point where I decided to stop fighting with myself and am just allowing myself to just be. Life is not a fiction novel and I can't just write myself thin.
Ellie eventually quits writing the articles about changing beloved recipes and the book ends with her writing this:
How to Eat
Why do most women in our country have an obsession with food, the eating as well as the not eating of it? We gladly feed others, yet we struggle with our own hunger. Is the food the panacea to fill our empty souls? Have we lost touch with something vital-say self-fulfillment, or even just self-acceptance-and all we can do is medicate ourselves with the pleasure of fat and calories (or heaven forbid carbohydrates)? On the other hand, if we don't eat and lose weight might someone love us more? If we're hungry and our stomachs growl, are we more virtuous than if we're full and satisfied?
I'm just one woman, with my own variations on the female love-hate relationship with food, but I say, let's start a revolution. Let's make food simply food again, sustenance and nourishment, and fun when the occasion calls for it. From here on out, I will try my best to live by these seven secrets of the sane and happily well fed:
1. Eat when you're hungry, and don't eat when you're not.
2. Eat food that tastes good. Period. No exceptions.
3. Eat food that leaves you sated instead of waiting for the next allotment.
4. Eat food that nourishes your soul as well as your body. Consider it a spiritual quest.
5. Savor every bite. Enjoy every meal. If you're not fully aware and appreciative of what you're eating, you're just wasting it.
6. Eat with friends, with people you love, or with your own good company-anyone who appreciates food, drink and good conversation as much as you do. (This would not include a TV set.)
7. If you start worrying about eating, stop it. Be happy you can eat.
(the end)
I like it when just as I am thinking about a subject, things happen to expand my awareness (or even knowledge) of said subject. This is a perfect example.
So, it's my Sunday now and it's a GORGEOUS day outside. The sun is shining and it's 76 degrees according to that little weather channel thingamabob in my system tray down below. Tomorrow is payday and I cannot WAIT! I am so broke it's pathetic. But I have a roof over my head, a little bit of food in the fridge and enough gas in the car to get me to the bank and to work tomorrow. What else could I ask for?
Event 1 -writing that previous post about my self/body image
Event 2 -finding the hungry-girl website (well, actually it was the subject of email newsletter sent by Oprah's guy Bob Green that I subscribe to) that is all about food and how to make favorites less fattening and more healthy
Event 3 -having gotten this book Eating Heaven by Jennie Shortridge from the library that I thought looked relevant and interesting
I've only been up for a few minutes and haven't had any coffee yet, so be patient with me as I attempt to put thoughts to computer in a coherent fashion.
Stayed up waaaaaaaaaay too late last night...I just had to finish that book mentioned above. It was sad, happy and poignant all at once. And now I just have to write about some of the things buzzing around in my head about it.
The heroine is a single woman in her late 30's named Ellie who is struggling with her weight (how could I resist this book?!) yet her life becomes more complicated as she ends up having to take care of her uncle who is dying from cancer. Yet in the midst of that, she continues to work as a freelance writer who writes about food -the various ways to change the recipes so that they're Fat-free! Carb-free! (Taste-free!) when all she really wants is to enjoy them as they are meant to be enjoyed being made with real butter, real cheese, etc. because she LOVES food.
She deals with her anxieties, stresses and loneliness by binge eating.
Her feelings of loneliness hit me especially hard and at one point I read "Lying in the dark, more alone that I know how to cope with, I feel a shrinking sensation I remember from childhood fevers. I have to open my eyes and draw a deep breath to keep from disappearing, touch my skin to make sure I experience sensation."
As the story continues, her life revolves around taking care of her uncle after they discover he has cancer, shopping for the food she needs to cook to use for her articles and dealing with her distant (geographically and emotionally) family.
Having grown up with a self-absorbed mother and a distant (and fairly recently deceased father) she is using the coping mechanism of eating to replace to the love she didn't receive as a child (though some love was offered in the form of a replacement father-figure in her uncle, the man she is now taking care of. (He's not really her uncle, but I won't go into that sub-plot because this post isn't about that)) and using food as an excuse to avoid dealing with what's really eating her (I think that's actually the subject of another book isn't it?)
As her uncles condition gets worse,2 things happen, the first being that she is sent to interview a chef for a newspaper article and it changes her life because she meets the man who not only shares her passion for food but makes her feel alive again (and her size doesn't matter!) and the other being her that she is so overwhelmed and preoccupied with doing what she can for her uncle that she stops focusing on herself. Her coping strategy changes. Watching her uncle die, she has no interest in eating at all and actually loses weight.
A part of me wishes this wasn't yet another story that I've read about how being large is a symptom of something being wrong in the characters life and it ends with them dealing with that problem and them losing weight (Good in Bed/Jennifer Weiner; Jemima J/Jane Green, etc.) I keep looking for that story that is about a plus-sized woman who doesn't lose the weight in the end and I'll just have to keep looking.
However, while yes, this was that kind of story, I know there is some truth to it. For years I wondered what exactly it was that led to me becoming this size (because of course it wasn't only because I was eating more and becoming less physically active!)-though therapy never uncovered the exact answer other than my acknowledging that my weight serves me some uses (it definitely gets me the attention I crave, (yes, I know there have got to be alternative ways to get the attention I think I need)) but as I wrote about in my previous post, I reached that point where I decided to stop fighting with myself and am just allowing myself to just be. Life is not a fiction novel and I can't just write myself thin.
Ellie eventually quits writing the articles about changing beloved recipes and the book ends with her writing this:
How to Eat
Why do most women in our country have an obsession with food, the eating as well as the not eating of it? We gladly feed others, yet we struggle with our own hunger. Is the food the panacea to fill our empty souls? Have we lost touch with something vital-say self-fulfillment, or even just self-acceptance-and all we can do is medicate ourselves with the pleasure of fat and calories (or heaven forbid carbohydrates)? On the other hand, if we don't eat and lose weight might someone love us more? If we're hungry and our stomachs growl, are we more virtuous than if we're full and satisfied?
I'm just one woman, with my own variations on the female love-hate relationship with food, but I say, let's start a revolution. Let's make food simply food again, sustenance and nourishment, and fun when the occasion calls for it. From here on out, I will try my best to live by these seven secrets of the sane and happily well fed:
1. Eat when you're hungry, and don't eat when you're not.
2. Eat food that tastes good. Period. No exceptions.
3. Eat food that leaves you sated instead of waiting for the next allotment.
4. Eat food that nourishes your soul as well as your body. Consider it a spiritual quest.
5. Savor every bite. Enjoy every meal. If you're not fully aware and appreciative of what you're eating, you're just wasting it.
6. Eat with friends, with people you love, or with your own good company-anyone who appreciates food, drink and good conversation as much as you do. (This would not include a TV set.)
7. If you start worrying about eating, stop it. Be happy you can eat.
(the end)
I like it when just as I am thinking about a subject, things happen to expand my awareness (or even knowledge) of said subject. This is a perfect example.
So, it's my Sunday now and it's a GORGEOUS day outside. The sun is shining and it's 76 degrees according to that little weather channel thingamabob in my system tray down below. Tomorrow is payday and I cannot WAIT! I am so broke it's pathetic. But I have a roof over my head, a little bit of food in the fridge and enough gas in the car to get me to the bank and to work tomorrow. What else could I ask for?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Why? Why not!
Ahhhh. So I'm home from work, showered and just settling down for the evening. I know I mentioned that I'd write more about last night but I don't want to over share (besides, there was drinking going on and I couldn't repeat every word that was said...) Suffice it to say I am just happy I met another interesting, fun, cool woman that I hope does become a new friend. There was so much laughter and pleasure in the simpleness of just being with a couple of people. (Though initially my reaction to finding out R had company already (before I invited myself over...thanks again R!) was slight ...panic? ...over the thought of meeting a new person and I really had to resist the urge to go home to stew in my own I'm-such-an-idiot-because-once-again-here-is-a-chance-to-have-fun-and-meet-new-people-but-you-blew-it-stupid-stupid-stupid moment) I really need to relish those moments of connecting with other human beings...
@@@@@*******%%%%%%^^^^^^^^##########
I was going through my email inbox, cleaning it out and one of the emails I've just looked at is one of the weekly newsletters I get from the band Keane. (Have I ever told you how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Keane ..while yet not being the kind of fan that looks at their website every day or goes to every concert) They posted a clip of them being interviewed and performing a couple of songs at a radio station in Boston. While I was watching the lead singer, Tom, sing, the thought popped into my head, that watching this man be confident was just the spark I needed to inspire me to write about that topic I mentioned a couple of posts ago - woman's self/body image, or namely mine.
How the one thought led to the other came from thinking that it seems like men have it so much easier. They don't stand around moaning about their thighs or bellies. They don't wish they had curly hair when they have straight and vice versa. They strut and stand up with their heads held high and just live with no apologies.
(BTW, I'm going to be speaking mostly in general terms...I know there are usually exceptions to everything and anything.)
It just makes me sad when I hear women being so critical of themselves. This post will be me venting (and I needed a good, deep, meaningful subject to post about! :) )
It has taken me YEARS to become comfortable in my own skin. To appreciate my curves and all the things about me that are good. It's taken a lot of reading of books on self-love and body acceptance coupled with the shift in my mindset and some therapy. It didn't happen overnight but I'm there (mostly.). I also got more help with it by being with a man who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy at this size. It gave me the extra boost I needed to...own this body and have it not be something that was apart from me mentally (if that makes any sense.)
I'm by no means a full-convert yet though, because I will admit that the image I have of myself in my head is of me at the size I was when I was just out of high school ...around a size 16. I can't shake that image loose, even when I catch myself in the mirror or see myself in pictures where I see the truth, that I am sooooo no longer that size. And yes, I do sometimes long to really be that size again. I won't lie...I've made the lists of the benefits of losing weight and how my life would be better. I've considered surgery. But I'm still me inside this body. But something just had to give because it was so tiring constantly fighting with myself about dieting and losing the weight. I made a choice and finally said no more. My focus is on making better choices of what I eat, but I don't deny myself anything.
A huge (pun intended :) ) a-ha (great band!) moment happened when the simplest truth finally became clear to me in that I am still a person that was created and I deserve to be just like everyone else. That it took me until my 30's to understand this basic fact of life just blows my mind.
When I think about how beautiful women (and men!) are it just stops me in my tracks. We have eyes that sparkle when we're happy. Lips that are soft and kissable. Skin that's soft to the touch. The curve where our breast begins below our neckline is sexy. We have great legs. breasts and butts. We smell good. We have beautiful hands and feet. We've got gorgeous hair. Some of us have even created life and gone through childbirth (and those of us who haven't shouldn't be ashamed of that! But we'll save that topic for another day...uh, have I said that before?)
I've been very lucky in that the people in my life have been respectful, non-judgmental and haven't made me feel bad for being this size. I don't doubt they care and want me to live a long, healthy life (good news: physicals indicate that I am pretty healthy for a person of my size) but they've never made me feel bad for being me, I've been the hardest person on myself. (Another good basic lesson I learned at some point later rather than sooner...why talk to yourself so unkindly and when you wouldn't talk that way to a friend?)
I love that I finally gave myself permission to wear a short skirt and that I wear sleeveless shirts out in public. I love that I have a nice collection of sexy lingerie. It's so freeing to not worry so much about my outsides when my insides still need work.
I just wish I could come up with some magic words to say to those women who do criticize themselves. I want to shake them (gently) when I hear them talking about how fat and unattractive they are. (When PMS'ing it doesn't count! :P )
I get that people have a weight that they feel better at but why not get there with love instead of hate? Why not focus on the things you can do right instead of the things you do wrong? Why not give yourself a break?
Last I heard, the average size of a woman these days is at a 14. We're a nation that has gotten bigger as time has gone by. We eat more and are way less active (uh, yeah, that's me!) and it sucks that losing weight and being thin is deemed more acceptable by society. For me, I just am concentrating on being a better person everyday both physically and emotionally. I've only got the one body and I'd rather make peace with it than live an exhausting life full of recriminations.
Now who wants to drag my big beautiful butt out for a walk?
(May 27, 2009 Wednesday - found this site and while torn between feeling like WTF?! Food is good! I love food that isn't all about fish, veggies and soy, this one seems like a nice compromise...they take foods I actually WOULD eat and come up with ways to make them less evil and I think with a few tweaks I could make some of them even better for ME...get the best of both worlds. They sucked me in by having good recipes for little hamburgers, chicken cordon bleu and quesdillas! http://www.hungry-girl.com/)
@@@@@*******%%%%%%^^^^^^^^##########
I was going through my email inbox, cleaning it out and one of the emails I've just looked at is one of the weekly newsletters I get from the band Keane. (Have I ever told you how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Keane ..while yet not being the kind of fan that looks at their website every day or goes to every concert) They posted a clip of them being interviewed and performing a couple of songs at a radio station in Boston. While I was watching the lead singer, Tom, sing, the thought popped into my head, that watching this man be confident was just the spark I needed to inspire me to write about that topic I mentioned a couple of posts ago - woman's self/body image, or namely mine.
How the one thought led to the other came from thinking that it seems like men have it so much easier. They don't stand around moaning about their thighs or bellies. They don't wish they had curly hair when they have straight and vice versa. They strut and stand up with their heads held high and just live with no apologies.
(BTW, I'm going to be speaking mostly in general terms...I know there are usually exceptions to everything and anything.)
It just makes me sad when I hear women being so critical of themselves. This post will be me venting (and I needed a good, deep, meaningful subject to post about! :) )
It has taken me YEARS to become comfortable in my own skin. To appreciate my curves and all the things about me that are good. It's taken a lot of reading of books on self-love and body acceptance coupled with the shift in my mindset and some therapy. It didn't happen overnight but I'm there (mostly.). I also got more help with it by being with a man who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy at this size. It gave me the extra boost I needed to...own this body and have it not be something that was apart from me mentally (if that makes any sense.)
I'm by no means a full-convert yet though, because I will admit that the image I have of myself in my head is of me at the size I was when I was just out of high school ...around a size 16. I can't shake that image loose, even when I catch myself in the mirror or see myself in pictures where I see the truth, that I am sooooo no longer that size. And yes, I do sometimes long to really be that size again. I won't lie...I've made the lists of the benefits of losing weight and how my life would be better. I've considered surgery. But I'm still me inside this body. But something just had to give because it was so tiring constantly fighting with myself about dieting and losing the weight. I made a choice and finally said no more. My focus is on making better choices of what I eat, but I don't deny myself anything.
A huge (pun intended :) ) a-ha (great band!) moment happened when the simplest truth finally became clear to me in that I am still a person that was created and I deserve to be just like everyone else. That it took me until my 30's to understand this basic fact of life just blows my mind.
When I think about how beautiful women (and men!) are it just stops me in my tracks. We have eyes that sparkle when we're happy. Lips that are soft and kissable. Skin that's soft to the touch. The curve where our breast begins below our neckline is sexy. We have great legs. breasts and butts. We smell good. We have beautiful hands and feet. We've got gorgeous hair. Some of us have even created life and gone through childbirth (and those of us who haven't shouldn't be ashamed of that! But we'll save that topic for another day...uh, have I said that before?)
I've been very lucky in that the people in my life have been respectful, non-judgmental and haven't made me feel bad for being this size. I don't doubt they care and want me to live a long, healthy life (good news: physicals indicate that I am pretty healthy for a person of my size) but they've never made me feel bad for being me, I've been the hardest person on myself. (Another good basic lesson I learned at some point later rather than sooner...why talk to yourself so unkindly and when you wouldn't talk that way to a friend?)
I love that I finally gave myself permission to wear a short skirt and that I wear sleeveless shirts out in public. I love that I have a nice collection of sexy lingerie. It's so freeing to not worry so much about my outsides when my insides still need work.
I just wish I could come up with some magic words to say to those women who do criticize themselves. I want to shake them (gently) when I hear them talking about how fat and unattractive they are. (When PMS'ing it doesn't count! :P )
I get that people have a weight that they feel better at but why not get there with love instead of hate? Why not focus on the things you can do right instead of the things you do wrong? Why not give yourself a break?
Last I heard, the average size of a woman these days is at a 14. We're a nation that has gotten bigger as time has gone by. We eat more and are way less active (uh, yeah, that's me!) and it sucks that losing weight and being thin is deemed more acceptable by society. For me, I just am concentrating on being a better person everyday both physically and emotionally. I've only got the one body and I'd rather make peace with it than live an exhausting life full of recriminations.
Now who wants to drag my big beautiful butt out for a walk?
(May 27, 2009 Wednesday - found this site and while torn between feeling like WTF?! Food is good! I love food that isn't all about fish, veggies and soy, this one seems like a nice compromise...they take foods I actually WOULD eat and come up with ways to make them less evil and I think with a few tweaks I could make some of them even better for ME...get the best of both worlds. They sucked me in by having good recipes for little hamburgers, chicken cordon bleu and quesdillas! http://www.hungry-girl.com/)
Woo hoo
Got off work a bit early tonight and went & hung out with R and his friend, now my friend, I. Fantastic woman. Another new friend. I like making new friends. Great night. More later. Now must attempt to lay down to crash before work in like 10 hours...should be plenty of time to recover from a night of drinkin' right? Right! Though must remember to head out early because work is RIGHT across street from Fort Snelling Cemetery and I'm sure it's gonna be NUTS trying to get to work tomorrow....uh, today.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Blurb, eck, meow, yawn
It was Monday again today for me and I'm kinda tired. Shouldn't be...went to bed before MIDNIGHT last night (no, not sick, just nothing else to do) and slept pretty much until noon today (with the only occasional up-to-pee interruption) ...now am too preoccupied with the fact that I have the latest Jim Butcher/Harry Dresden book in my hot little hands (thanks Minneapolis Public Library!) so am going to just stop right here and leave you with this short but sweet, unsatisfying post. Just thought I'd write to let you know I was thinking of you. Take care.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Oooh, guilty pleasure
I just got done catching a sneak peek at the new "Melrose Place" that's gonna be on the CW in the fall and it looks good...despite whats-her-face...oh, Ashley Simpson...being on it. I think I may watch...in re: to the new "90210" I started to watch the very first episode but I just couldn't stand it. That show to me is all and only about the original ("Brenda" was missed by me) ...it all remains to be seen though...the preview for MP may look fine but we'll see if it lives up to my low expectations (hello, night time soap! Aren't I over those?)
A sign of something good
When you just can't get enough of it. I'm specifically speaking of "My Boys". Just watched the latest episode (thanks surfthechannel.com & megavideo!) and I just love this show. Always want more and can't wait for the next episode. It's not a flashy show. No major drama or trauma. Just about a bunch of friends hanging out, experiencing lifes little ups and downs together. And the poker playing! Makes me want to start playing (and I've never played before.) I believe J said something about playing...?
Ah, TV. My dear friend. I was telling D. when we got together last week that there was a time when TV saved my life.
I watched some as a kid...cartoons and such but then during the preadolescence years and high school, not so much. My parent's had become Jehovah's Witnesses and suddenly the only TV that was being watched revolved around PBS and to a teenager..the horror (I wanted my MTV!) Documentaries, nature specials, Masterpiece Theatre period dramas, Biographies and old movies were BORING. I wanted to watch "The Love Boat", "Charlies Angels", "The Facts of Life" and even "Family Ties" but nope.
So when I moved out on my own for the first time at 19, one of the first purchases I made was my very own TV (and how sad is it these days that most kids I know have their own TV/in their room?) and it was so exciting! (This is actually the same TV I have now...it's 20 years old and still works just fine...not that I watch it much since discovering online TV watching) but anyhoo...it was great that I was able to watch what I wanted, whenever I wanted to.
And is it ironic that now I not only enjoy my "trashy" TV shows but I will often watch some of those programs on PBS?
A few years ago, there was a time when I was DEPRESSED and felt worthless/hopeless and TV was one of the few things that came to my rescue. I had these new "friends" that I couldn't disappoint or piss off. I had the ladies from "Sex and the City" as my new girlfriends and the friends of "Friends" and the "Drew Carey Show" as my new buddies.
(Sadly, the flip side of that was that I was so jealous that these people had close friends that they saw, spent time with and talked to ALL THE TIME. (Of course, I realized through the magic of television writing we were only seeing them when they were together because that was the whole point of the show...who wanted to watch a show about people hanging out by themselves watching TV or reading a book?))
But when that moment came when I felt like I wanted to throw in the towel, TV was there to save me. I just had to see what the next episode or season would bring for the characters I had grown to care about and/or love. (Waiting for the next book by a favorite author also helped but that's a whole different post...maybe...)
As time has gone by I've reduced the amount of TV I watch...OK, that's a combination of my knowing I needed more in my life than just TV, my favorite shows ending and making a conscious choice to start making real friends again. It may look like I still watch a LOT of TV (see list over there <------) but this list is nothing compared to how it was before.
I got lucky with my new friends. I first met R, working at a credit union and we had the religion in common, then through him met his g/f and eventual wife, C. Then through C met a couple of other people and it was great being with these people because they didn't know the me that I was when I was in my 20's. I was just me. Making no apologies and lacking the self-consciousness I had developed over the years.
As I have slowly come out of my shell, I just have to count my blessings that I not only made these new friends but that over the past couple of years I've not only reconnected with distant friends (S/San Diego) but that I've recently gotten back in touch with people that knew me during those years and still care about me.
I'm also grateful for those couple of people who have who have stuck around as I ride this roller coaster I call life...my dear friend S who I met years ago working at a temp job. A fellow Leo. I used to joke that she was me, just 9 years younger. We really don't see each other much, which is my bad. She's such a smart woman and I'm so proud of her for refusing to settle for just working office jobs. She's working and going to school full-time to become a nurse.
Then there's another dear friend..one of my oldest friends, J. We met when we were working at Donaldson's (dept. store) back in high school. She's been living in Philadelphia with her husband and 2 kids. I really have got to take advantage of my flight benefit and get my butt out to see her and meet those kids! Even if we don't talk all that much, I can always count on her for a Christmas card and a birthday card.
I'm sure I'm forgetting others but hey it's about 3:30am and I'm tired...
Man, when I think about all these great people I know...what a lucky lucky woman I am. It doesn't matter that we may not have everything in common (though I do tend to feel a bit more comfortable around others who are childless...) ...it's enough that there is respect, kindness, honesty and a genuine like for each other.
I think I'm repeating myself from a previous post but that's where the mind wandered to tonight as I was typing this.
Next topic I think I want to write about is women's self-image and body issues. I was thinking about that today. Stay tuned!
Ah, TV. My dear friend. I was telling D. when we got together last week that there was a time when TV saved my life.
I watched some as a kid...cartoons and such but then during the preadolescence years and high school, not so much. My parent's had become Jehovah's Witnesses and suddenly the only TV that was being watched revolved around PBS and to a teenager..the horror (I wanted my MTV!) Documentaries, nature specials, Masterpiece Theatre period dramas, Biographies and old movies were BORING. I wanted to watch "The Love Boat", "Charlies Angels", "The Facts of Life" and even "Family Ties" but nope.
So when I moved out on my own for the first time at 19, one of the first purchases I made was my very own TV (and how sad is it these days that most kids I know have their own TV/in their room?) and it was so exciting! (This is actually the same TV I have now...it's 20 years old and still works just fine...not that I watch it much since discovering online TV watching) but anyhoo...it was great that I was able to watch what I wanted, whenever I wanted to.
And is it ironic that now I not only enjoy my "trashy" TV shows but I will often watch some of those programs on PBS?
A few years ago, there was a time when I was DEPRESSED and felt worthless/hopeless and TV was one of the few things that came to my rescue. I had these new "friends" that I couldn't disappoint or piss off. I had the ladies from "Sex and the City" as my new girlfriends and the friends of "Friends" and the "Drew Carey Show" as my new buddies.
(Sadly, the flip side of that was that I was so jealous that these people had close friends that they saw, spent time with and talked to ALL THE TIME. (Of course, I realized through the magic of television writing we were only seeing them when they were together because that was the whole point of the show...who wanted to watch a show about people hanging out by themselves watching TV or reading a book?))
But when that moment came when I felt like I wanted to throw in the towel, TV was there to save me. I just had to see what the next episode or season would bring for the characters I had grown to care about and/or love. (Waiting for the next book by a favorite author also helped but that's a whole different post...maybe...)
As time has gone by I've reduced the amount of TV I watch...OK, that's a combination of my knowing I needed more in my life than just TV, my favorite shows ending and making a conscious choice to start making real friends again. It may look like I still watch a LOT of TV (see list over there <------) but this list is nothing compared to how it was before.
I got lucky with my new friends. I first met R, working at a credit union and we had the religion in common, then through him met his g/f and eventual wife, C. Then through C met a couple of other people and it was great being with these people because they didn't know the me that I was when I was in my 20's. I was just me. Making no apologies and lacking the self-consciousness I had developed over the years.
As I have slowly come out of my shell, I just have to count my blessings that I not only made these new friends but that over the past couple of years I've not only reconnected with distant friends (S/San Diego) but that I've recently gotten back in touch with people that knew me during those years and still care about me.
I'm also grateful for those couple of people who have who have stuck around as I ride this roller coaster I call life...my dear friend S who I met years ago working at a temp job. A fellow Leo. I used to joke that she was me, just 9 years younger. We really don't see each other much, which is my bad. She's such a smart woman and I'm so proud of her for refusing to settle for just working office jobs. She's working and going to school full-time to become a nurse.
Then there's another dear friend..one of my oldest friends, J. We met when we were working at Donaldson's (dept. store) back in high school. She's been living in Philadelphia with her husband and 2 kids. I really have got to take advantage of my flight benefit and get my butt out to see her and meet those kids! Even if we don't talk all that much, I can always count on her for a Christmas card and a birthday card.
I'm sure I'm forgetting others but hey it's about 3:30am and I'm tired...
Man, when I think about all these great people I know...what a lucky lucky woman I am. It doesn't matter that we may not have everything in common (though I do tend to feel a bit more comfortable around others who are childless...) ...it's enough that there is respect, kindness, honesty and a genuine like for each other.
I think I'm repeating myself from a previous post but that's where the mind wandered to tonight as I was typing this.
Next topic I think I want to write about is women's self-image and body issues. I was thinking about that today. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Change ...will do you good
Yeah right. Actually, yeah, sometimes change is good. And EXCITING.
---- Had brief cold there but it went away...I am choosing to believe that doubling up on multivitamins (in response to skipping a couple of days) is why. Hallelujah! Or maybe I'm finally developing allergies in my [old ha ha] age? That would suck, but better than a cold...?
=====......>>>>>>>
Ah, what a fun couple of days it's been. It's now my Friday again today and I'm looking forward to a more relaxing weekend. I've decided that while I still like to have at least of one of my weekend days to just be...veg/lounge/let the "girls" out of their prison ;) I don't need to do that every weekend. I had such a blast last weekend spending time with good people. Who knew that I could recharge my like-people-and-want-to-serve-them at work battery by having a LIFE!?? Fantastic!
While I love my weekends, I'm actually really looking forward to going back to work on "Monday" this time around because they are finally re-modeling our offices at work and for a few weeks we'll be sitting on the north side of the building instead of the south side. Same job, different environment...from the view out the window to how we sit at our desks (side by side vs. in a four-leaf clover configuration) to using different break rooms....
********
I'm going to have to be really good at checking email and using yahoo messenger for the next couple of weeks. I had choices to make with my last paycheck and an overdue parking ticket (that had my mother in a tizzy since the car is still registered to her), renewed car insurance premium and money owed to my brother took precedence over paying my cell phone bill. Thank goodness I hung onto my prepaid phone. It still has about 20 minutes on it, which I'll save for emergencies...
I think I'll be back on track financially by next month. Just have to keep my priorities in order.
Hmm, what else is going on? B out of town the last few days and it's all good. He's gotta do what he's gotta do. I've had season finales to keep me distracted from missing him for the most part.
Can you believe the season finales of "Bones" and "Fringe"? Wild!
I think all of the shows I like/love have been renewed...thank goodness. Now to ponder what I'll watch over the summer (when I'm not outside enjoying summer that is.)
---- Had brief cold there but it went away...I am choosing to believe that doubling up on multivitamins (in response to skipping a couple of days) is why. Hallelujah! Or maybe I'm finally developing allergies in my [old ha ha] age? That would suck, but better than a cold...?
=====......>>>>>>>
Ah, what a fun couple of days it's been. It's now my Friday again today and I'm looking forward to a more relaxing weekend. I've decided that while I still like to have at least of one of my weekend days to just be...veg/lounge/let the "girls" out of their prison ;) I don't need to do that every weekend. I had such a blast last weekend spending time with good people. Who knew that I could recharge my like-people-and-want-to-serve-them at work battery by having a LIFE!?? Fantastic!
While I love my weekends, I'm actually really looking forward to going back to work on "Monday" this time around because they are finally re-modeling our offices at work and for a few weeks we'll be sitting on the north side of the building instead of the south side. Same job, different environment...from the view out the window to how we sit at our desks (side by side vs. in a four-leaf clover configuration) to using different break rooms....
********
I'm going to have to be really good at checking email and using yahoo messenger for the next couple of weeks. I had choices to make with my last paycheck and an overdue parking ticket (that had my mother in a tizzy since the car is still registered to her), renewed car insurance premium and money owed to my brother took precedence over paying my cell phone bill. Thank goodness I hung onto my prepaid phone. It still has about 20 minutes on it, which I'll save for emergencies...
I think I'll be back on track financially by next month. Just have to keep my priorities in order.
Hmm, what else is going on? B out of town the last few days and it's all good. He's gotta do what he's gotta do. I've had season finales to keep me distracted from missing him for the most part.
Can you believe the season finales of "Bones" and "Fringe"? Wild!
I think all of the shows I like/love have been renewed...thank goodness. Now to ponder what I'll watch over the summer (when I'm not outside enjoying summer that is.)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Totally worth it
Ah, what a wonderful weekend! Will do mini-recap and then actually head to bed soon...am getting a cold so will put myself to bed earlier than usual and pray I actually fall asleep right away.
Thursday evening; part I: seeing B and having a guy at McDonald's think B was my husband -hilarious. He gave us free ice cream! - part II: later that night, having drinks and great conversation with dear old pal J. Very surreal though considering we haven't seen each other for 10+ years or so. I was nervous but had no need to be. Toast was made..my contribution was "to old friends" and his was "and to new beginnings". How sweet! We're not the same people we were, but yet we are...just a little bit older and wiser.
Friday; part I: lunch and coffee w/D. Again, wonderful time with amazing conversation. It was like no time had passed. I'm looking forward to this new beginning with her as well - part II: dinner and movie w/R ("Yes Man" pretty good/funny!) and more excellent conversation.
Am aglow with love and gratitude for these people in my life...for all of my friends. I am so lucky (and them too 'cause I'm FABULOUS! LOL :) ) to know such smart, funny, interesting, charming and witty folks. I'm really looking forward to what the future has to bring.
There really is more to write than this about these get-together's but just don't have the energy tonight. Evil, evil cold. That'll teach me to skip my vitamins for a couple of days!
Thursday evening; part I: seeing B and having a guy at McDonald's think B was my husband -hilarious. He gave us free ice cream! - part II: later that night, having drinks and great conversation with dear old pal J. Very surreal though considering we haven't seen each other for 10+ years or so. I was nervous but had no need to be. Toast was made..my contribution was "to old friends" and his was "and to new beginnings". How sweet! We're not the same people we were, but yet we are...just a little bit older and wiser.
Friday; part I: lunch and coffee w/D. Again, wonderful time with amazing conversation. It was like no time had passed. I'm looking forward to this new beginning with her as well - part II: dinner and movie w/R ("Yes Man" pretty good/funny!) and more excellent conversation.
Am aglow with love and gratitude for these people in my life...for all of my friends. I am so lucky (and them too 'cause I'm FABULOUS! LOL :) ) to know such smart, funny, interesting, charming and witty folks. I'm really looking forward to what the future has to bring.
There really is more to write than this about these get-together's but just don't have the energy tonight. Evil, evil cold. That'll teach me to skip my vitamins for a couple of days!
Friday, May 15, 2009
"Bones" season finale!!
I've just started watching and OMG! I cannot wait to see what the frick is going on!
Weird, weird, weird, WTF!
My....head....is....spinning....
I'm so confused...why, why, why did they do this?
I am likin' that they each get to play their characters differently...but...but...but...
They have succeeded at creating a great cliffhanger and I know I'll be eagerly awaiting season 5!
(May 16th...it's been renewed for not only 1 more season but 2. Ya hoo!)
Weird, weird, weird, WTF!
My....head....is....spinning....
I'm so confused...why, why, why did they do this?
I am likin' that they each get to play their characters differently...but...but...but...
They have succeeded at creating a great cliffhanger and I know I'll be eagerly awaiting season 5!
(May 16th...it's been renewed for not only 1 more season but 2. Ya hoo!)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sadness ...but only about a book and a random celebrity
So I just got done reading a book called "Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Single". I was excited to read it because the author is from Minnesota and the story is set here in good 'ol Minneapolis. And that title! Well, what unmarried woman who likes to read chick lit wouldn't be hooked like a fish seeing a title like that???
Well, before I was even halfway done with it, I found myself at amazon.com looking to read what others thought so far...and then was inspired to add my own 2 cents. So I reviewed it, in two parts. I'm copying my review because A. I can't think of anything else particularly brilliant to blog about right now and B. It kind of goes along with what I was writing about the other day about how I'm searching for books to read that are different than from what I have been reading.
So, now for your reading pleasure (OK, because who am I kidding...I'm [now] writing this blog for my readers...thank you those who read this...you make my day! Now if I could only get a comment or two sometime? :P :) )
------
I haven't quite finished it yet but just had to comment on what I think so far because there a couple of things that I need to respond to immediately. The first is something I LOVE. Near the beginning there was this part that spoke to me on so many levels and made me feel like I wasn't alone..."Don't think about the last ten years, which have collapsed in a lightning split-second, and even though I'm not sure what I was doing for ten years, we can be sure I wasn't getting married or having kids or buying a house or working on getting out of Minnesota. We can be sure of that." I love seeing in print someone else having these thoughts about their life. [Even if it's just a fictional character.]
On the other hand, while I'm enjoying this book so far, there is one thing that is bothering me. This character is a size twelve yet she acts like she's much larger than that. Now it's one thing if the character was actually going to do something about it but I don't think that's the case. This story is not about that ...so far. She is constantly beating herself up about her weight and that just makes me really sad. As a much larger-than-a-size-twelve woman who has worked long and hard to make peace with my body, it's sad to read about a character totally blowing her weight out of proportion (pun intended). I guess I really don't blame the author for that, society is such a harsh critic of womens bodies. It just would have been nice if the story was being told without the character being obsessed with how fat she thinks she is.
Of course I've yet to finish this book. Let's hope by the end she has a different attitude.
---
Finished it last night and while I appreciated the reality of this fiction (our heroine isn't the practically perfect heroine you usually get in chick lit) I am disappointed that the story went in the direction it did. While yes, she stops focusing on the weight (thank goodness, it was getting old) the story becomes all about her relationship, being proposed to and then getting married. But why she even bothers is baffling to me. All she does is complain about her boyfriend/fiance' and his family. She takes the crap dished out to her and doesn't stand up for herself. She gets caught up in a world where she won't have to worry about money anymore but at the cost of her self-respect. When she does have a shot at real love she blows it off and goes ahead and gets married to a guy I don't think she even likes (because we never know what she likes about him, other than her being attracted to his looks when she first meets him.)
I wanted her to be human and make mistakes but by the end I didn't like her. She represents just one of the many examples I used to think were just a figment of my imagination of a person who gets married for all the wrong reasons simply because they are so desperate to get married.
Or maybe I just prefer my fiction a little more like ..."Bridget Jones Diary" (but way less like a harlequin romance novel).
====
Ah, the freedom of the internet. Lots and lots of ways to be a little fish in a big pond.
Random thought:
- I'm sad that Farah Fawcett is dying. Not that I was a big fan or anything (though have "Charlie's Angels" episodes on my someday-will-watch TV list.) I mean it's one thing when you hear a beloved (?) celebrity has passed away but to hear they're dying...and Ryan O'Neal is so heartbroken. Sad. Just sad.
>>>><<<<<
It's almost 3am and the wind is blowing something fierce out there. It's actually howling! I'm so glad it's "Friday". Next 2 days should be fun! and exciting! and interesting! and emotional!
I'm seeing those friends I haven't seen in YEARS. It's also payday again, thank god!
J - I love how you often close with "Onward". Can I just openly copy that?
Well, before I was even halfway done with it, I found myself at amazon.com looking to read what others thought so far...and then was inspired to add my own 2 cents. So I reviewed it, in two parts. I'm copying my review because A. I can't think of anything else particularly brilliant to blog about right now and B. It kind of goes along with what I was writing about the other day about how I'm searching for books to read that are different than from what I have been reading.
So, now for your reading pleasure (OK, because who am I kidding...I'm [now] writing this blog for my readers...thank you those who read this...you make my day! Now if I could only get a comment or two sometime? :P :) )
------
I haven't quite finished it yet but just had to comment on what I think so far because there a couple of things that I need to respond to immediately. The first is something I LOVE. Near the beginning there was this part that spoke to me on so many levels and made me feel like I wasn't alone..."Don't think about the last ten years, which have collapsed in a lightning split-second, and even though I'm not sure what I was doing for ten years, we can be sure I wasn't getting married or having kids or buying a house or working on getting out of Minnesota. We can be sure of that." I love seeing in print someone else having these thoughts about their life. [Even if it's just a fictional character.]
On the other hand, while I'm enjoying this book so far, there is one thing that is bothering me. This character is a size twelve yet she acts like she's much larger than that. Now it's one thing if the character was actually going to do something about it but I don't think that's the case. This story is not about that ...so far. She is constantly beating herself up about her weight and that just makes me really sad. As a much larger-than-a-size-twelve woman who has worked long and hard to make peace with my body, it's sad to read about a character totally blowing her weight out of proportion (pun intended). I guess I really don't blame the author for that, society is such a harsh critic of womens bodies. It just would have been nice if the story was being told without the character being obsessed with how fat she thinks she is.
Of course I've yet to finish this book. Let's hope by the end she has a different attitude.
---
Finished it last night and while I appreciated the reality of this fiction (our heroine isn't the practically perfect heroine you usually get in chick lit) I am disappointed that the story went in the direction it did. While yes, she stops focusing on the weight (thank goodness, it was getting old) the story becomes all about her relationship, being proposed to and then getting married. But why she even bothers is baffling to me. All she does is complain about her boyfriend/fiance' and his family. She takes the crap dished out to her and doesn't stand up for herself. She gets caught up in a world where she won't have to worry about money anymore but at the cost of her self-respect. When she does have a shot at real love she blows it off and goes ahead and gets married to a guy I don't think she even likes (because we never know what she likes about him, other than her being attracted to his looks when she first meets him.)
I wanted her to be human and make mistakes but by the end I didn't like her. She represents just one of the many examples I used to think were just a figment of my imagination of a person who gets married for all the wrong reasons simply because they are so desperate to get married.
Or maybe I just prefer my fiction a little more like ..."Bridget Jones Diary" (but way less like a harlequin romance novel).
====
Ah, the freedom of the internet. Lots and lots of ways to be a little fish in a big pond.
Random thought:
- I'm sad that Farah Fawcett is dying. Not that I was a big fan or anything (though have "Charlie's Angels" episodes on my someday-will-watch TV list.) I mean it's one thing when you hear a beloved (?) celebrity has passed away but to hear they're dying...and Ryan O'Neal is so heartbroken. Sad. Just sad.
>>>><<<<<
It's almost 3am and the wind is blowing something fierce out there. It's actually howling! I'm so glad it's "Friday". Next 2 days should be fun! and exciting! and interesting! and emotional!
I'm seeing those friends I haven't seen in YEARS. It's also payday again, thank god!
J - I love how you often close with "Onward". Can I just openly copy that?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind
So I found myself last night watching that very special episode of "House". I couldn't wait. I wanted to see "House" and "Cuddy" getting together. Maybe it would have been more exciting had I watched ALL of the episodes leading to that moment but you know what? I don't care. In fact, I'm not even going to watch any more episodes. I'm just not loving it. I've got better things to do with my time (or do I?) than watch a show that isn't doing it for me. I just haven't fallen in love with it like I did with "Bones". (May 11, 2009 ...re: "House" hook-up -you've got to be kidding me! I hate when they play with us like that! Now if they do that with "Bones" I'm gonna be p.o'd big time!)
Nothing wrong with that right? Right!
Though speaking of "Bones"...I was reading various comments in response to last weeks episode and talk about a woman's prerogative to change her mind! It felt like it was out of the blue but at the same time, makes sense that her character would decide something contrary to what she had said before because she could come up with valid, logical reasons for it. I'm actually probably going to watch the episode again...or at least the good parts, especially near the end. I can't wait to see next weeks season finale. This is supposed to be the one where they finally get together.
So another "Monday" and work today/tonight was OK. Mother's Day tomorrow and hopefully that means the phones will be quiet and we can all goof off or at least get some reading done! Isn't that a terrible attitude to have? Yeah. It's just been weird having this job that is so ...I don't even know that word I'm looking for. I've had other jobs where between calls there was always other work to be done, but not here. We just sit around. So I guess I really shouldn't complain about getting paid to just sit around should I? I can't say I'm bored though because you never know what the next phone call is going to be about.
Today I was accused of yelling when I wasn't. I was just speaking firmly, clearly and strongly. This lady wanted to confirm some relative of hers actually got on a flight. Now in order to give out that information we need a confirmation number or an e-ticket number and she had neither. She just expected me/us to pull up the list of passengers for the flight and see if whomever was on it. Wrong! Post 9/11 it doesn't work that way. She just wasn't taking no, sorry, we need more info. for an answer so I finally just said I'm sorry I can't help you, I'm releasing this call and then released the call! I've never actually done that before (what I did do once in frustration was just hang up on a call...and felt so bad about it I told my manager) ...now if she had had a better attitude there might have been some other ways I could have found out something for her but nope! Ugh!
It felt wrong to hang up on her. Normally I bend so far backwards I can see up my own a#& to help these people that my calls per hour suck and I go home drained from giving, giving, giving but today I just wasn't gonna do that. I've got to get better at that. I just have to keep the recording in my head that says "you can't please all the people all the time", "you are not responsible for other people's thoughts, reactions and feelings", "it is what is is" and "you can't win 'em all" playing on continuous loop until I'm convinced enough to be working smarter not harder at this job.
So it's about 1am and my desire to head to bed before 4am last night failed miserably. I ended up finishing up a new Nora Roberts book "Vision in White". I have to say that this is the first of her books I've been unimpressed with. It was just a typical, ordinary story of boy meets girl. She usually does much better than that with her boy meets girl stories. Her stories are usually much more complex, deeper, richer and more interesting and this one was blah. It was actually the first in new quartet of stories about these 4 friends who as little girls loved playing "wedding" and how as adults they own and operate a wedding planning business, each contributing a talent to an aspect of the business. This one was about the photographer and then we're gonna get 3 more stories for the remaining women. Now I will probably read the rest because I'll be curious to see if she makes their stories more interesting than this first one.
Am I falling out of love (pun intended) with reading romances (TV romance is a whole 'nother topic!) For the past few years I've been reading more stories that are about something other than boy meets girl yet still have that element of romance to them. What's the difference? Well, usual standard romances are boy meets girl and then there is some conflict before the heroine realizes how wrong she is and after admitting her feelings to the hero, they live happily ever after. Now the reason I read romances isn't so much for that aspect but for the story of reading about a man who falls so deeply in love with the woman that he can't even imagine loving anyone else. (I know, I know!)
These days, I'm just digging more the supernatural/paranormal-with-romance-throw-in stories because they are in worlds beyond the mundane. I like the minds that come up with these fantastical worlds (plus the sex they write about is better! ;) )
I still need to expand my reading list though because as I've stated before, I've got favorite sci-fi/fantasy authors writing serials but the waiting between books is torture.
I guess this is just one of the many changes a person goes through as they grow up. Their tastes change and expand. Maybe someday I'll love reading about history or...some other topic that currently I have no interest in. And maybe someday I'll weigh 100 pounds. :)
Nothing wrong with that right? Right!
Though speaking of "Bones"...I was reading various comments in response to last weeks episode and talk about a woman's prerogative to change her mind! It felt like it was out of the blue but at the same time, makes sense that her character would decide something contrary to what she had said before because she could come up with valid, logical reasons for it. I'm actually probably going to watch the episode again...or at least the good parts, especially near the end. I can't wait to see next weeks season finale. This is supposed to be the one where they finally get together.
So another "Monday" and work today/tonight was OK. Mother's Day tomorrow and hopefully that means the phones will be quiet and we can all goof off or at least get some reading done! Isn't that a terrible attitude to have? Yeah. It's just been weird having this job that is so ...I don't even know that word I'm looking for. I've had other jobs where between calls there was always other work to be done, but not here. We just sit around. So I guess I really shouldn't complain about getting paid to just sit around should I? I can't say I'm bored though because you never know what the next phone call is going to be about.
Today I was accused of yelling when I wasn't. I was just speaking firmly, clearly and strongly. This lady wanted to confirm some relative of hers actually got on a flight. Now in order to give out that information we need a confirmation number or an e-ticket number and she had neither. She just expected me/us to pull up the list of passengers for the flight and see if whomever was on it. Wrong! Post 9/11 it doesn't work that way. She just wasn't taking no, sorry, we need more info. for an answer so I finally just said I'm sorry I can't help you, I'm releasing this call and then released the call! I've never actually done that before (what I did do once in frustration was just hang up on a call...and felt so bad about it I told my manager) ...now if she had had a better attitude there might have been some other ways I could have found out something for her but nope! Ugh!
It felt wrong to hang up on her. Normally I bend so far backwards I can see up my own a#& to help these people that my calls per hour suck and I go home drained from giving, giving, giving but today I just wasn't gonna do that. I've got to get better at that. I just have to keep the recording in my head that says "you can't please all the people all the time", "you are not responsible for other people's thoughts, reactions and feelings", "it is what is is" and "you can't win 'em all" playing on continuous loop until I'm convinced enough to be working smarter not harder at this job.
So it's about 1am and my desire to head to bed before 4am last night failed miserably. I ended up finishing up a new Nora Roberts book "Vision in White". I have to say that this is the first of her books I've been unimpressed with. It was just a typical, ordinary story of boy meets girl. She usually does much better than that with her boy meets girl stories. Her stories are usually much more complex, deeper, richer and more interesting and this one was blah. It was actually the first in new quartet of stories about these 4 friends who as little girls loved playing "wedding" and how as adults they own and operate a wedding planning business, each contributing a talent to an aspect of the business. This one was about the photographer and then we're gonna get 3 more stories for the remaining women. Now I will probably read the rest because I'll be curious to see if she makes their stories more interesting than this first one.
Am I falling out of love (pun intended) with reading romances (TV romance is a whole 'nother topic!) For the past few years I've been reading more stories that are about something other than boy meets girl yet still have that element of romance to them. What's the difference? Well, usual standard romances are boy meets girl and then there is some conflict before the heroine realizes how wrong she is and after admitting her feelings to the hero, they live happily ever after. Now the reason I read romances isn't so much for that aspect but for the story of reading about a man who falls so deeply in love with the woman that he can't even imagine loving anyone else. (I know, I know!)
These days, I'm just digging more the supernatural/paranormal-with-romance-throw-in stories because they are in worlds beyond the mundane. I like the minds that come up with these fantastical worlds (plus the sex they write about is better! ;) )
I still need to expand my reading list though because as I've stated before, I've got favorite sci-fi/fantasy authors writing serials but the waiting between books is torture.
I guess this is just one of the many changes a person goes through as they grow up. Their tastes change and expand. Maybe someday I'll love reading about history or...some other topic that currently I have no interest in. And maybe someday I'll weigh 100 pounds. :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
An epiphany!
So it's been a lovely day. Went out and enjoyed the weather and got to spend time with my sweetie tonight. Now I've just finished watching the latest episodes of "Castle", "Better Off Ted", "The Unusuals" and the finale (season? series?) finale of "Scrubs" (It was all about the ABC shows tonight) ...then afterward was perusing the TV web site/pages and came across Matt Roush from TVGuide Magazine's review of the finale of "Scrubs" and was moved to write the following:
Sam Jones wrote:
Fri, May 08, 2009, 03:51 AM
I can't read this Roush review of the finale of Scrubs and take it even remotely seriously. It was a GREAT finale...felt like a true series finale yet if it does come back I'll watch it. It's had it highs and lows but the new interns bring great energy to it and I still enjoy it. Why say goodbye to an old friend just because they may not be what they were in the beginning? It's still has a lot of heart and humor and shame on you Matt for being so negative about it.
-----
I mean seriously! Why are people so critical and hell bent on a good show ending. So what if it isn't the same show we fell in love with ...things change. Everything changes. If we're still being entertained by these characters that we've invested years in, then why should we be so quick to kiss it goodbye? I've never understood the whole "leave the party while it's still fun" idea (e.g. what they were saying about why they were ending "Sex and the City")
I guess I get that the actors might want to not play the same characters for decades but hell, that's why they have breaks in between seasons so they can go off and do whatever, plus they won't literally play that character forever...
So as I look at those words I wrote I have to think to myself ...yeah, that's right. Like duh! Sam. People and friendships do change over time and even if you don't always see eye to eye it's no reason to give up on the relationship that you've had for years and years. I get that people can grow apart and have different lives but there has to be some way to retain those pieces of yourself that you gave to others (though I don't believe in hanging on to friendships that are all about negativity and constant pessimism...who needs to be with someone who can't find joy in any part of life?) Don't we all just want a friend who will be in that jail cell with us and not just be the one bailing us out? The kind that support us, even if our choices aren't always what they consider the wisest? The kind that are patient and forgiving as we fumble through life.
Anyway, I've just been doing a lot of thinking about old friends lately since some very significant people have come back in to my life. One who hasn't, another dear old friend, E, came to mind today because it was his birthday. I don't know if that friendship will ever get over what broke it apart. I just hope he is happy.
I want all of my friends, old and new, to be happy and to have the lives that they want for themselves. I hope that I have matured enough to express that more often and to show them that I still sincerely really want the best for them.
It's certainly been a day/night for insights.
Part of my afternoon was spent on a phone call with R, my navigator for this Stay Well, Stay Working program I've been in for the last couple of years and in that conversation I mentioned my whole treading water/swimming in place thing and she made a really good point that even when a person is doing that (she first pointed out the obvious...kudos for that 'cause it means you're keeping your head above water and staying afloat) don't discount the currents in the water that carry you along toward... whatever. They'll take you closer to where you need to go eventually.
I also mentioned to her about how I hope this is the summer that sees me enjoying the weather and being outdoors more and again it's like duh! Yeah, I should actually tell people that I want to do more active things. Why didn't I think of that? Seriously, why didn't I think about that?
You know this is what I love about talking to other people...learning new ways to think about things. Learning how other people think about things. People are fascinating, fantastic and frustrating aren't they?
Well, I'm putting myself back out there to be amongst them and the hermit days are over!
Sam Jones wrote:
Fri, May 08, 2009, 03:51 AM
I can't read this Roush review of the finale of Scrubs and take it even remotely seriously. It was a GREAT finale...felt like a true series finale yet if it does come back I'll watch it. It's had it highs and lows but the new interns bring great energy to it and I still enjoy it. Why say goodbye to an old friend just because they may not be what they were in the beginning? It's still has a lot of heart and humor and shame on you Matt for being so negative about it.
-----
I mean seriously! Why are people so critical and hell bent on a good show ending. So what if it isn't the same show we fell in love with ...things change. Everything changes. If we're still being entertained by these characters that we've invested years in, then why should we be so quick to kiss it goodbye? I've never understood the whole "leave the party while it's still fun" idea (e.g. what they were saying about why they were ending "Sex and the City")
I guess I get that the actors might want to not play the same characters for decades but hell, that's why they have breaks in between seasons so they can go off and do whatever, plus they won't literally play that character forever...
So as I look at those words I wrote I have to think to myself ...yeah, that's right. Like duh! Sam. People and friendships do change over time and even if you don't always see eye to eye it's no reason to give up on the relationship that you've had for years and years. I get that people can grow apart and have different lives but there has to be some way to retain those pieces of yourself that you gave to others (though I don't believe in hanging on to friendships that are all about negativity and constant pessimism...who needs to be with someone who can't find joy in any part of life?) Don't we all just want a friend who will be in that jail cell with us and not just be the one bailing us out? The kind that support us, even if our choices aren't always what they consider the wisest? The kind that are patient and forgiving as we fumble through life.
Anyway, I've just been doing a lot of thinking about old friends lately since some very significant people have come back in to my life. One who hasn't, another dear old friend, E, came to mind today because it was his birthday. I don't know if that friendship will ever get over what broke it apart. I just hope he is happy.
I want all of my friends, old and new, to be happy and to have the lives that they want for themselves. I hope that I have matured enough to express that more often and to show them that I still sincerely really want the best for them.
It's certainly been a day/night for insights.
Part of my afternoon was spent on a phone call with R, my navigator for this Stay Well, Stay Working program I've been in for the last couple of years and in that conversation I mentioned my whole treading water/swimming in place thing and she made a really good point that even when a person is doing that (she first pointed out the obvious...kudos for that 'cause it means you're keeping your head above water and staying afloat) don't discount the currents in the water that carry you along toward... whatever. They'll take you closer to where you need to go eventually.
I also mentioned to her about how I hope this is the summer that sees me enjoying the weather and being outdoors more and again it's like duh! Yeah, I should actually tell people that I want to do more active things. Why didn't I think of that? Seriously, why didn't I think about that?
You know this is what I love about talking to other people...learning new ways to think about things. Learning how other people think about things. People are fascinating, fantastic and frustrating aren't they?
Well, I'm putting myself back out there to be amongst them and the hermit days are over!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Delayed or Immediate Gratification - which is better?
Woo hoo...it's the weekend for me and I'm psyched. Hopefully beautiful weather which will allow me to go and lounge around on the deck and be free from the worries of work.
I'm about to start watching the 3rd episode of the 2nd season of "House" and the thought occurs to me that maybe I could just skip ahead, way way ahead, and just go watch the episode where "House" and "Cuddy" do the deed which recently aired. Isn't that really what I want to see? Argh. This is a tough one 'cause I do like to see how their relationship progresses through time to get to this point. Maybe I could watch it then go back and watch the earlier episodes...hmmm, there's an idea.
Or maybe I'll just be good and resist the urge.
Hmm, what else is going on? Talked to J last night for a bit. It was really nice. It has been about 11 years he figures (he's right) and while so much has happened in our lives, in a way it felt like no time had passed. We covered the basic stuff and will get together one of these days. I've missed him and that friendship.
And on Facebook D reminded me of a crush I'd had when I was in Jr. High. A serious crush. On a boy working at the local grocery story who reminded me of Huey Lewis. If I remember correctly I finally approached him one day and I think what happened is that he said I was too young for him (I was about 13, he was 17...?) Anyway...that is the bad thing about losing touch with old friends...I've forgotten good things/memories. So you know, forget what I said before, in the previous posts...I'm looking forward to doing some reminiscing with both J and D and seeing where the friendships go from there.
I know good friendships are hard to find and I've let too many go. Part of me wants to go and re-read the old journals I kept, to see what was going on at that time but the other part of me doesn't want to get bogged down in any remotely sad or bad memories.
So for now, I'll resist.
Speaking of resisting things...or more accurately, not resisting something...I'm hopefully having a real date w/B tomorrow night. He still makes my blood boil after all these years. When we saw each other last week he reminded me that it has been about 17 years since we first met. It's been about 13 years that we've been involved with each other in one way or another (I'm counting all the on-again/off-again periods in there). I just don't want to be with anyone else. I stopped fighting with myself about my relationship with him a long time ago. It is what it is.
Season/Series Finales are coming up (or have happened) and then let the waiting for a new season to begin begin! I'm really hoping that "Scrubs" is renewed. I'm OK with it not having all of the original cast. The interns that they have this season are great!
Granted, without old shows being put out to pasture, I wouldn't have new shows that I really like e.g. "Better Off Ted" (you have GOT to watch it if you haven't been...actually the season finale has already aired but they're all available to watch online) and "The Unusuals" (the first episode was so-so but after that, every episode so far has me liking it more and more)...
I should be saving the watching of episodes of "House" (and then after that the watching of "24"?) for when the season is over for current favorites but I don't want to wait. I know there will be plenty of other fun things I could, should be doing, outside, when summer is here.
I keep telling myself that this is the summer I will go camping/play badminton/go on picnics/go on road trips/go to beaches...I need to show the world (uh, my friends) I am more/will be more than a couch potato! Here's hoping this summer is indeed the one that sees a new side of me.
I'm about to start watching the 3rd episode of the 2nd season of "House" and the thought occurs to me that maybe I could just skip ahead, way way ahead, and just go watch the episode where "House" and "Cuddy" do the deed which recently aired. Isn't that really what I want to see? Argh. This is a tough one 'cause I do like to see how their relationship progresses through time to get to this point. Maybe I could watch it then go back and watch the earlier episodes...hmmm, there's an idea.
Or maybe I'll just be good and resist the urge.
Hmm, what else is going on? Talked to J last night for a bit. It was really nice. It has been about 11 years he figures (he's right) and while so much has happened in our lives, in a way it felt like no time had passed. We covered the basic stuff and will get together one of these days. I've missed him and that friendship.
And on Facebook D reminded me of a crush I'd had when I was in Jr. High. A serious crush. On a boy working at the local grocery story who reminded me of Huey Lewis. If I remember correctly I finally approached him one day and I think what happened is that he said I was too young for him (I was about 13, he was 17...?) Anyway...that is the bad thing about losing touch with old friends...I've forgotten good things/memories. So you know, forget what I said before, in the previous posts...I'm looking forward to doing some reminiscing with both J and D and seeing where the friendships go from there.
I know good friendships are hard to find and I've let too many go. Part of me wants to go and re-read the old journals I kept, to see what was going on at that time but the other part of me doesn't want to get bogged down in any remotely sad or bad memories.
So for now, I'll resist.
Speaking of resisting things...or more accurately, not resisting something...I'm hopefully having a real date w/B tomorrow night. He still makes my blood boil after all these years. When we saw each other last week he reminded me that it has been about 17 years since we first met. It's been about 13 years that we've been involved with each other in one way or another (I'm counting all the on-again/off-again periods in there). I just don't want to be with anyone else. I stopped fighting with myself about my relationship with him a long time ago. It is what it is.
Season/Series Finales are coming up (or have happened) and then let the waiting for a new season to begin begin! I'm really hoping that "Scrubs" is renewed. I'm OK with it not having all of the original cast. The interns that they have this season are great!
Granted, without old shows being put out to pasture, I wouldn't have new shows that I really like e.g. "Better Off Ted" (you have GOT to watch it if you haven't been...actually the season finale has already aired but they're all available to watch online) and "The Unusuals" (the first episode was so-so but after that, every episode so far has me liking it more and more)...
I should be saving the watching of episodes of "House" (and then after that the watching of "24"?) for when the season is over for current favorites but I don't want to wait. I know there will be plenty of other fun things I could, should be doing, outside, when summer is here.
I keep telling myself that this is the summer I will go camping/play badminton/go on picnics/go on road trips/go to beaches...I need to show the world (uh, my friends) I am more/will be more than a couch potato! Here's hoping this summer is indeed the one that sees a new side of me.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Saturday night is alright
I got home from work a little bit ago and am now settling in for the night. Do I care that it's a Saturday night and I'm just hanging out at home? Nope. Today was my Monday and will be working the next few days so I'm OK with conserving my energy to deal with all the lovely phone calls I have to take.
Speaking of the job...it's been a year since they announced that NWA & Delta would be merging so to thank us all for the work we've been doing with the integration of these 2 HUGE airlines they've given every active employee 2 round trip positive space passes to travel anywhere Delta flies. I mean ANYWHERE. We'll of course have to pay taxes on international flights, but other than that it's FREE! And it's confirmed, positive space. No standby-nail-biting-am-I-gonna-get-on-the-flight worries. I would love to give them to my parents but oh darn, I have to be the one flying. I can either take 2 single round trips or take someone with me wherever I go. Now the only questions are 1. Where to go (co-workers are talking Sydney, Australia!) and 2. Who's going with me?
Ireland, Italy...just a couple of the places I've been wanting to go and service charges on international trips can be steep (I know, I know, it's still way cheaper than normal but when you fly free domestically it's hard to give up any cash for flights...my trip to England last year ate up an entire paycheck...of course that was because I opted for business (aka first) class) I think taxes will be less than the service charges so it really will be a fantastic deal. I definitely want to use them for international travel. Of course, international travel is easier to get standby than domestic. Ah, who knows where I'll end up and with who (whom?)
We won't have them until June but they'll be good until August of 2010. I think if someone would be willing to take care of the lodging/hotel I would happily take that person along. Would hopefully work out to be a sweet deal for both of us.
Now, on to to other topics. I started watching "House" the other day. I haven't been watching it (lord knows I've got plenty of other shows to keep up with) but have been seeing reports from tvguide.com that "House" and "Cuddy" might be (as the kids used to say) "hooking up" and you know what a sucker I am for shows that have characters getting together after a prolonged period of time. (I think this is what will suck me into "Grey's Anatomy" eventually) ...so I'm in the middle of the first season but am waffling a bit because there are so many more episodes and seasons to go...plus because I've been reading about it I know what's gonna happen with the various characters and that sort of takes away from the element of surprise. Or maybe it's just that I have to get really invested in the characters...like I did with "Bones". I adore that show and am so happy I kept going and watched every damn episode. Can I do that for "House"? We'll see. I do like to finish what I start. (Though that hasn't motivated me to finish "Two Guys and a Girl" or "Remington Steele"...though w/the former I've now watched all of season 1 & 2 and have 3 & 4 to go but have seen episodes from those repeatedly and for the latter it's knowing that I don't know how I'm going to get my hands on the 5th season/special movies/finale that's stopping me from continuing...)
Either way, I know there are more important things I could be doing with my free time but honestly? This TV watching is free (well, not free...the internet costs money but that's pretty damn cheap...thanks J for finding us a really great deal!) I would love to be getting together with friends for coffee/drinks, etc. Or taking yoga classes. Or any other number of things but I'm too poor to afford that right now. (I survive but am what a former therapist called deprived...though I think she exaggerated that a bit) I'm not looking for sympathy (well, maybe a little) or for pity. I'm not looking for friends to cover my ass. My friends are generous and it's not required that we do something that involves spending money but I need to be able to take care of myself and be able to contribute something to whatever we're doing. I just need to be a bit better with money and/or find a better paying job. Or maybe find some more part-time work now that the SPCO season is winding down and I don't have shifts there.
I wonder if there are any internet things out there that are legit/not scams and actually work to make you money???
Bluh. I'll get to where I need to be eventually. Maybe I should start playing the lottery....
Speaking of the job...it's been a year since they announced that NWA & Delta would be merging so to thank us all for the work we've been doing with the integration of these 2 HUGE airlines they've given every active employee 2 round trip positive space passes to travel anywhere Delta flies. I mean ANYWHERE. We'll of course have to pay taxes on international flights, but other than that it's FREE! And it's confirmed, positive space. No standby-nail-biting-am-I-gonna-get-on-the-flight worries. I would love to give them to my parents but oh darn, I have to be the one flying. I can either take 2 single round trips or take someone with me wherever I go. Now the only questions are 1. Where to go (co-workers are talking Sydney, Australia!) and 2. Who's going with me?
Ireland, Italy...just a couple of the places I've been wanting to go and service charges on international trips can be steep (I know, I know, it's still way cheaper than normal but when you fly free domestically it's hard to give up any cash for flights...my trip to England last year ate up an entire paycheck...of course that was because I opted for business (aka first) class) I think taxes will be less than the service charges so it really will be a fantastic deal. I definitely want to use them for international travel. Of course, international travel is easier to get standby than domestic. Ah, who knows where I'll end up and with who (whom?)
We won't have them until June but they'll be good until August of 2010. I think if someone would be willing to take care of the lodging/hotel I would happily take that person along. Would hopefully work out to be a sweet deal for both of us.
Now, on to to other topics. I started watching "House" the other day. I haven't been watching it (lord knows I've got plenty of other shows to keep up with) but have been seeing reports from tvguide.com that "House" and "Cuddy" might be (as the kids used to say) "hooking up" and you know what a sucker I am for shows that have characters getting together after a prolonged period of time. (I think this is what will suck me into "Grey's Anatomy" eventually) ...so I'm in the middle of the first season but am waffling a bit because there are so many more episodes and seasons to go...plus because I've been reading about it I know what's gonna happen with the various characters and that sort of takes away from the element of surprise. Or maybe it's just that I have to get really invested in the characters...like I did with "Bones". I adore that show and am so happy I kept going and watched every damn episode. Can I do that for "House"? We'll see. I do like to finish what I start. (Though that hasn't motivated me to finish "Two Guys and a Girl" or "Remington Steele"...though w/the former I've now watched all of season 1 & 2 and have 3 & 4 to go but have seen episodes from those repeatedly and for the latter it's knowing that I don't know how I'm going to get my hands on the 5th season/special movies/finale that's stopping me from continuing...)
Either way, I know there are more important things I could be doing with my free time but honestly? This TV watching is free (well, not free...the internet costs money but that's pretty damn cheap...thanks J for finding us a really great deal!) I would love to be getting together with friends for coffee/drinks, etc. Or taking yoga classes. Or any other number of things but I'm too poor to afford that right now. (I survive but am what a former therapist called deprived...though I think she exaggerated that a bit) I'm not looking for sympathy (well, maybe a little) or for pity. I'm not looking for friends to cover my ass. My friends are generous and it's not required that we do something that involves spending money but I need to be able to take care of myself and be able to contribute something to whatever we're doing. I just need to be a bit better with money and/or find a better paying job. Or maybe find some more part-time work now that the SPCO season is winding down and I don't have shifts there.
I wonder if there are any internet things out there that are legit/not scams and actually work to make you money???
Bluh. I'll get to where I need to be eventually. Maybe I should start playing the lottery....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!