Happy Birthday to Me (Part I?)

It's 3:30am and I should be asleep...I got up about a 1/2 hour ago to "do my business" and couldn't go back to sleep right away so I decided to check my phone...email, texts and FB...looking for the birthday wishes I know are waiting for me (none, none and 7, so far!) and one of the 7 FB birthday wishes was from my uncle Cliffy (he'll always be Cliffy to me, not Cliff)...

What? You say? Your uncle Cliff(y)? You've never mentioned him before. (Well there are a few family member I haven't mentioned but I digress)...

Anyway, as I wrote in my FB message to him (after "Friend request" sent) there is nothing like something really sad happening to re-connect with family. I got a call last Saturday from my brother informing me that my uncle Clinton had passed away.

Now this is perfect description of the whole "threw the baby out with the bathwater" thing...

Many many years ago...decades in fact...my grandfather -the asshole sperm donors father -started to criticize my mothers parenting/character and I wasn't going to stand for it...at the ripe young age of 12 or so, I decided to stop spending time or even talk to my grandparents. In fact I stopped talking to EVERYONE on that side of the family.

My mother may not win any mother of the year awards for the kind of mother she was when I was growing up, but she is MY mother and nobody criticizes her! 

I walked away and didn't look back. I buried all of the good memories...spending time at their house with my brother on holidays and during the summer, watching soaps, eating good food, getting presents at Christmas and on my birthday, having a crush on my uncle Cliffy (he was a teenager and the "cutest boy I'd ever seen") and playing with my grandmas dogs, Peppy and Poochie.

I cut them ALL out of my life. The aunts, uncles and cousins from THAT side of the family all because of the only 2 rotten ones in the bunch. Wait, now that I think about it, there may have still been a tiny bit of contact with Clinton but the details are fuzzy at the moment.

My mothers side of the family became even more important because their rottenness was hidden and not directed at my mother and on the surface all was wonderful...wait, not gonna necessarily gonna go there at this time, this is not about them...

Anyhoo....fast forward 20? or so years....my grandpa on THAT side of the family passed away and while I sent my grandma a sympathy card, I didn't go to his funeral or service.

And now here we are and all I can taste is regret that I didn't have a chance to know my uncle Clinton as an adult. I remember him being nice. He was a good guy. And my uncle Cliff? He posted a very nice birthday message on my FB page. Apparently HE'S not holding any grudge (I'm also assuming this since he accepted my friend request) and seems to be still the nice guy I remember him to be too.

So I've already decided I'm going to go the service for him. It's next week and I'm sure it's going to be a very very very emotional night. While it's not about me...it's about celebrating his life...it IS about me letting go of old hurts and embracing family I haven't seen or talked to in years.

*sigh*

OK...now that I've gotten this stuff all down, I think I should try to go back to sleep now. I've got to be up in 4 1/2 hours and get my butt into work. And today will be a FUCKING great day. My co-workers have also already been showing me the birthday love and there will be lots more today. And then tonight...spending time with my BFF's. R, K & E along with N...who yes, has become a BFF.

So woo hoo...hello 44!

And now 44 is on the horizon.

I don't even know where to begin.

Maybe I've forgotten that I like to write...but only when I feel like I've got something ...significant to say.

...the above 2 sentences were written a couple of days ago and now I'm back...with something to say.

I'm making new friends (and it's kind of scary too.)

Not only are N and I becoming closer friends and hearing more of each others stories, but in the space of 12 hours or so, I've made some friends...women who are living in Amsterdam! My favorite place to visit (these days anyway.)

This is the message I sent to them on the "book of the face" as they like to call it...

So I swear I'm not a crazy person...just a ...fan and fellow blogger (well, you know how that goes....) and this might sound kind of crazy but when I take my next trip to Amsterdam, I'd love to meet you ...buy you guys a drink or something.

My name is "Sam". I'm 44 (well, hell, close enough right?) and live here in the States, in St. Paul, MN. I am an avid food watcher...meaning, I don't cook or bake but I LOVE food...especially watching others cook. Now, wait, not that I'm wanting to watch the next cupcake being made but ...I was watching an episode of Chopped, which led to a Google search "how do chefs prepare for chopped" which led to "I survived 3 rounds on Chopped" which written by Allison Robicelli...which led to the cookbook [Robicelli's: A Love Story, with Cupcake: with 50 Decidedly Grown-Up Recipes by Allison and Matt Robicelli] which led me to you from the review you posted on Amazon.com

So here I am, reading posts on the Sleazy Bakeshop [blog] and am loving it, swear words and all. And I adore Amsterdam. I won't lie, I come for more than just the friendly people, beautiful architecture...the canals! I come for the coffeshops. I would hope that wouldn't be a deal breaker should you decide you'd be OK with meeting this random stranger from across the pond.

Anyway, lovin' the blog so far. I just got done with the 2nd cupcake and I'm going to be reading into the wee hours ...and I just got the cookbook for my kindle so will be reading that too...it sounds like a hoot and maybe, just maybe, I will dip my toe into actually wanting to cook my own food for a change (though my kitchen is seriously tiny and I have zero counter space -the spot where my coffee maker [sits] doesn't count) ....So, thanks for reading and I hope we can meet someday. 


and 

Hello again....uh, I forgot to mention I work for Delta aka easy access to Amsterdam (Love our non-stop between there and here in MSP.) 

When I woke up this morning I had this reply waiting for me -

Awwww deal breaker ? That is cute. (This is Zoe Btw) I am married to stoney McStonestone of the clan McStone, so fear not, no deal breaker. The only thing would make us hate you is it you is if you hated puppies. You know who fight like puppies? Hitler, Hitler didn't like puppies. We would love to meet you and you can come hang out with us and bake. Make sure you bring a spare liver. We are hoping to get things back on track in September. Yay, a fan! Li is gonna lose her sky

Shit

We also may ask you to bring over various contraband. Kosha salt and the such. You know serious stuff.

How freakin' awesome is that? 

And so then I sent this reply ('cause why not just post the full exchange? :P )

• Yay! Hi Zoe. So happy to get message back! I kept reading after I sent that message last night and have now read everything SB blog-wise and Book of the Face anyway and am even more in love with you guys than I was when I started. And whew! Love that your husband and I have the love of the herb in common and it's not a deal breaker. I like booze too but once I met ganja in my early to mid 20's...well that changed EVERYTHING for the better. : ) As for bringing you stuff...I can totally do that! I have vacation time again at end of September but I am NOT opposed to coming over on a weekend...that's the joy of working for an airline. Though summer, Europe...not have as good a chance to get seat on flight so waiting until the fall is the smarter idea...in the meantime...I'll read that book, keep up with y'all via FB and enjoy getting to know some fabulous women who live in my favorite country (well outside of England anyway...I was lucky enough to live there for a couple of years as a kid after my mum married herself a Scotsman who was living in London when she met him) (And how's that for telling you more about me without you asking? : P ) How did you and/or Li find yourselves married and deciding that Amsterdam was where you were going to be living? If that's not too personal of a question to ask?
  
  
• Oh and I LOVE puppies.
   
  

  Her reply back even more hilarious...
  

  
  

  I will give you answers to all questions and perhapss more later, am vacation now. And am smoking a bifta with my dad. Yes that's how we roll in our family. All stoners in our family. And we actually live in Den Haag. (the Hague) far more civilised. Down the road from Schiphol. Speak soon, I feel we will be besties.
  
  Even before she mentioned where they live, the Hague, I'd read that in their blog and decided to read about it.
   
• I just got done reading the Wikipedia page about Den Haag. So now won't be complete ignoramus in that regard. Yay to stoners! Enjoy your vacay and no worries about when get back to me. I'll be here.

So here's some of the details...two women, one named Zoe and one name Li. Zoe is British and married to a Dutch man and Li is American (from Chicago) &  Puerto Rican and also married to a Dutch man. They're living in the Netherlands. Zoe has a toddler, a little girl they've nicknamed Monkey. They decided to do the Julie/Julia thing and cook each cupcake from the book and blog about it.

And they're hilarious. And they're ...real women. And they live ...near Amsterdam. And they speak English. And did I mention they're hilarious? And I love that they swear. And I love that Li uses the word "tits" as an ...adverb? Verb? Fuck, I don't know. I've never been good with grammar. Anyhoo. They just seem very cool and it's about time I expanded my circle of ...cool people.

So as another birthday approaches, it's time again to take stock of my life and get outside of my little "bubble" of home, work, home, work, home, work and the occasional get together with the 'rents, the favorite marrieds-with-child and the love of my life, B.

I've got loads to be thankful for, as usual and a lot of great people in my life.

And I just need to keep putting one damn foot in front of the other.