Sad Sam

My computer is dead. Dead, dead, dead.

I'm writing this from work. Thank goodness for internet access here BUT no access to Facebook and I'm beyond bummed I have no access to it. I'll have to head to the library on my days off and hope it doesn't take me all fucking day to get on (with school out there is bound to be more competition for the few internet computers they have) and that I can get everything done that I need to do in the hour we're allotted.

It started w/the wireless connection "acting" up last week and then day before last, it wouldn't even boot up.

I finally broke down today and stopped at Best Buy and talked to the Geek Squad desk and THEY say that it's probably the hard drive that needs replacing since it won't even boot up in "safe mode"...with all the costs associated w/that for them to do it I'm looking at about $250. So the guy recommended just looking at spending around $70 more than that and getting a new one since my "baby" was already about 5/6 years old.

So I spent a wee bit too much time here at work today looking at laptops and if I want one w/a CD Burner, guess what? I'd be looking at easily another $150+ above the $250 to get a new one. I could get a netbook for around $250 and while they're awfully cute, I think too "lightweight" and temporary for what I want.

A co-worker, who claims to know his stuff, says he'll tell me what hard drive to buy, and then after I buy it, he'll install it for me. Ha! We'll see if THAT actually would happen. (It doesn't help he's going out of town for 5 days tomorrow!)

Either way, nothing can happen 'til Friday when I get paid again. Maybe I should look into renting one for a little while? Hmmm.

Thank goodness I've got some new books from the library because having no computer at night when I get home from work is not pretty. I've already started and finished w/the latest Dresden wizard novel by Jim Butcher and am currently 1/2 way through Kim Harrison's latest. And with my days off coming up and no computer to distract me, I just may be forced to finally do laundry and clean my room. I've really been slacking off with getting shit done. So this will hopefully turn out to be a productive time for me.

You don't realize how much you miss something til it's gone do you? How much you take for granted the things you count on daily.

Anyhoo...so there's the latest drama from my little universe.

Aaaaack!

And now finally, all about PDX

I know it's now been a week since my Portland, Oregon adventure but it was a really long, distracting, wearying week and I will put it off no longer!

I think I had all these big ideas of how it would go, but in the end it was just a brief but effective trip.

I was really worried about getting on the flight I wanted but did. Then we found each other easily enough at the airport. The trip into the city was short and then there we were. I was able to check into my room-at-the-Marriott-paid-for-with-skymiles!!! and get my room right away.

I was in a bit of a daze and tired but determined to "go with the flow" and see where the day took me, took us.

It was raining but armed with an umbrella from the hotel, we walked through parts of downtown from the hotel to their apartment and that about killed me physically (but by god I did it!) Thankfully we made a couple of stops along the way, the first being a stop at the famous Powell's Bookstore (The largest bookstore in the world) where I got myself a little "souvenir", in the form of a new leather bound journal which I'll use during my travels around the globe (much easier to travel with than a laptop). We didn't spend a lot of time there because we were on a mission to make our way to their place to get the pictures taken for the mini-portrait.

(I'll have to be sure to go back and really experience that city for more than a day. Really spend some time there. The vibe there really is relaxed and Jenn had mentioned that it was a really laid back, casual kind of place. I can dig that.)

Then the other stop, for me to get some coffee (I do love me some Iced Mocha's this time of year!) at a place called the daily cafe and a bit more conversation about what the plan was...to take the photos and then go hang at one of their favorite hangout's...a place called Yur's.

They have a really cute apartment and I love her dog Riley. He was a cuddler once he got used to me. I felt a little disloyal to the current cuddly dog in my life but I've got enough love for both.

We talked a bit more and then finally it was time to take pictures. I had changed my mind about wearing something special so just had her take pics of me in a tank top and leggings. She sent me one of the ones that she found "delightful"... we're gonna stick with a mini-portrait of my body shape...

Then when the rain stopped we walked over to this great little neighborhood bar called Yurs. We had some drinks and I had the best burger EVER. It was the "Grinder Burger – Bacon, Ham, cheddar and a fried egg." I will fly my big beautiful ass in a too small of an airplane seat, in the back of the plane, with 5 crying infants again to have this burger again. Yup. Just thinking about it is making my mouth water.

After being stuffed on good food, it was a nice quick little ride on a streetcar back downtown and back to the hotel.

I guess I could have mustered up some energy to do something else, hit up another bar or something (I had a little money left thanks to the $20 B gave me the night before AND that they bought my drinks...) but honestly I was exhausted. So I just took a shower and just enjoyed some channel surfing from a very very comfortable bed. The next morning I just ate breakfast at the hotel (nothing special sad to say) and then it was back to the airport for me.

So in and out in 24 hours. Jenn gave me another really cool thing to remember the trip by...as we were getting closer to their apartment, the day before, she pointed out that rosemary grows wild everywhere and I mentioned my recent renewed interest in it having recently made a chicken salad using that and some tarragon, so when I got in the cab for my trip back to the airport, she had some tied up in string in a plastic bag for me. I was absolutely floored and touched that she did that. It's currently hanging up here in my room and it's probably dry now. I'd like to make sachets out of it or something.

I'm glad I went even if it was just a quick trip and left me exhausted. (Yes, that is enough to make me want to get in better shape physically ...) I think I had huge expectations and none at the same time. I guess I should try to explain what I mean by that but it's almost 2am. So maybe I'll just leave the full explanation out like I usually do. :P

She's going to draw some sketches up and email them to me and we'll see how this is gonna go.

I enjoyed getting to know her a bit better and am glad I decided to do this.

☯☯☮☮

So now it's the weekend and while it started off bumpy (no wireless connection!!!!) earlier today, so far, so so. I've got laundry starting me in the face and a full evening tomorrow...another dr. appt. to deal with some other issues that have come up (no need to share the details, suffice it to say just a couple of things that I will choose NOT to live with for a change) and then supposedly meeting up w/B. He's been out of town again himself the past week and when he gets back there are usually fires to put out...

I'm excited because finally the Sex and the City 2 movie is finally out tomorrow...I'll have to put the word out with my friends and see who wants to go see it with me.

OK, well, I am too tired to continue this post so I'll just close it here. I'm sure I'll have more to say another day.

So ciao for now.

I really really really really like how this guy...works

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Work with your own impulses rather than against them. If you know you're a little on the lazy side (as most Leos are), or a bit vain (also frequently a Leo trait), use those tendencies to your own advantage. Laziness can lead to efficiency and intelligent redesign. Vanity can be a motivation too—to work hard enough to be able to afford nice clothes, or simply a kick in the butt to keep going to the gym. When the wind is blowing in the wrong direction, a skilled sailor can angle the sails to get where she wants to go. You can too. Harness the forces already at work within you to take you in whatever direction you choose.

Oooh another something to be dramatic about!

So I was just kickin' back after a long day at work (please please let that man keep the $6,400+ ticket that I sold him!) and am looking at one of my very favorite posters/pieces of artwork EVER.

It is a larger size of the picture over there <- of the big beautiful naked ladies and the question "what on earth is making me so brave?" popped into my head.

See, in a couple of days I'm hopping out to Portland to have an artist friend take pictures and such of me . She will then use them as a guide in her work because I've asked her to paint a picture of me that shows my body looking beautiful (because just having some nice photos isn't enough for this drama queen... :P).

I'm not going to be nude (or am I? She's not opposed to taking pics of me in my skivvies how which is awesome but I think we'll skip that) ..it'll just be a nice painting of mostly my body (??) and it's shape.

So yeah. What the hell am I thinking? Am I nuts? But with the turning of 4-0 now in less than 3 months (OMG OMG OMG) I'm slightly more obsessed about it. It's taken me so many fucking years to "love the skin I'm in" that I just feel like it's time I had a picture of myself to look at that I would like to look at (and this is what I'm going to keep telling myself over and over again! :P)

So this, along with my spur of the moment trip to Amsterdam over the new year and my hop out to San Diego for Scotty's birthday and back in the space of 12 hours, this is ranking up there for one of the top "wild adventures" I'll have had for the year.

Is it bravery that compels me? Maybe, Maybe not.

All I know is that these adventures sure do make me feel like I'm alive again.

Of course THIS exists!

(Couchsurfing.org is an international web phenomena; members host travelers for free, show people around, and generally prove that people are good. I’ve met a ton of people through the site)

What? Like OMG. How perfect for me to find.

Progress

So I'm sure I'm a fool but I am going to hope my dumb luck keeps holding out.

I'm going to go to Portland with only....well, probably only around $50. (I'm being a good girl by paying all the bills I needed to pay right now)..that should be plenty. My airfare is "covered". My room, covered ...especially if I don't do anything to add extra charges ...learned THAT lesson from the Amsterdam hotel room incident e.g. not use the internet in my room (so yay! No lugging the laptop with me...then again, how on earth am I going to survive a night w/out Facebook?)

Just will need money for food and drinks and some for her b/f who is going to take time away from driving paying passengers to ferry my butt back and forth from the airport. Or will he? Yeah, maximize my time there.

I'm a little nervous about this trip because I really don't know her all that well. I met her through Scott years ago and have only really met her a handful of times at various parties Scotty has thrown...

But we've been in touch via FB and she did an amazing job on my "Happy Mew Year" cards and the miniature painting of Louis. ...

I can't believe I'm doing this but I think I really need to. I wonder if she'll be able to capture me as I see myself in my head or ...more importantly how she will interpret what she sees from me.

☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯

It's Friday and thank god!

Forget an excerpt from "52 Things to Try Once in Your Life" list

What I need to make is a list of things I must accomplish this year list and the first 2 are

☮ Get my eyes checked and get new prescription (I'm wearing a pair of old glasses to look at the computer and I didn't have to do that before :( ) because it's been several years since that's been done and I'm pretty sure my eyesight has changed and NOT for the better :( (Ah, the joys of aging)

and

☯ Get to dentist for check-up. Again, been a couple of years and I'm overdue.

♁♂♥♁♂♥

Woo hoo...Happy Saturday night. I am doing laundry and messing about on the computer. Just another typical night after work for me.

Had a good time last night hanging out w/R. We watched "The Blind Side"...which was pretty good. I can see why Sandra Bullock got the Oscar. It was a performance out of her that we really hadn't seen before..I think.

And then afterward, a bit of Rock Band...which I now want to do again, as long as they let me sing again...and the songs I actually know.... :P

So that's all for now folks.

My new favorite expression? "See you on the flip side" (but only if people realize I don't mean after we're dead :P ) .....after "Shut the front door!"

Sometimes it's fun to have an idea and run with it

Ah, just got back from a date w/the sexy man. A good time was had by all. We actually took a little drive out to Burnsville to have dinner w/a friend of his. We had yummy food at a place called the Mediterranean Cruise Cafe. I was bummed we didn't get to see any belly dancing though. We'll have to get out there again early enough to see that. Speaking of belly dancing...did I ever tell you about the time my mom was taking lessons? No? Well....she did. OK, that's about the extent of that story. Mebbe not so exciting after all but it certainly was quite exotic to me as a kid!

After dinner, some close, special time for the two of us. I love that the longer we're together, the more we love each other. That being with each other still brings surprises and tenderness and excitement and all of that wrapped up in the familiar and safety of being with someone you can be yourself with. I'm a lucky woman! (Uh, remind me to remind myself of this the next time we can't get together due to his "scheduling conflicts"!)

And speaking of my mom, she definitely has done some interesting things with her life, led quite the exciting life..there was belly dancing, ballroom dancing, singing, writing, drawing, poetry...you name it. She's a vibrant, talented, larger-than-life woman. Her disability hinders those things in her a bit but she still gives a good effort.

And even though she/they don't celebrate Mother's Day/Father's Day ...this year I'm gonna get cards for them again...just a little something to express my love. She's not been a perfect mother but she tried and has apologized for mistakes. What more can you ask for ...you can't go back and change the past so why not make the best of the present?

I had a longer phone conversation w/her the other day and she told me that she has rheumatoid hypertension. That freaked me out a bit and I really hope she does what she's supposed to do to be taking care of herself.

They are getting help with some home health care and that's easing the burden on Pop a bit. Good. I'm the selfish daughter (my words, my thoughts) who doesn't visit them or help them out. I just distanced myself from them for so much of my adult life that it's hard to think about us being any other way with each other. But they're getting older. We're all getting older and I think I've said before that you can only bury your head in the sand for so long ..right?

☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯

So I've mentioned that this year is the big 4-0 right? (yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you know!) Well the other day I decided to really do something brave for myself.

I contacted my artist friend Jen and asked how she felt about doing a miniature portrait of a body, a person...me. I told her that while I've become comfortable in my own skin (while yet needing to continue to focus on making healthier choices) I've yet to see it look beautiful to ME. So I thought maybe if an objective artist can capture the beauty of my shape..well, why bloody not?

It's now turned into my next travel adventure... to hop a flight out to Portland in a couple of weeks and come back the next day. She can take the pictures she needs/wants for this and I get the adventure of flying off to a new city I've been wanting to visit. I was able to even use my frequent flier miles to get a free hotel room!

I'm totally psyched for this.

Well, it's now the end of my weekend and I should crash soon. Tomorrow is "Monday" and then after work I'll do some bonding/hanging w/Ryan.

So, ttfn.

And it only took me 3 years to do the math

If I take an average of 40 calls a day, that's about 200 fucking strangers I talk to and have to be nice to in a week.

No wonder I'm so bloody tired all the time and hate being on the phone outside of work!

Today's gem was from a lady who didn't bother to look at the ticket she purchased back on MARCH 19TH until today (or so she claims, I swear people will say anything to get their way) and had wanted a 6:30pm flight instead of a 6:30am flight. After looking at alternatives and calculating a reissue/fare difference of $239, 60K miles for a one-way award ticket & $500+ for a new one-way fare, she has the nerve to say to me "You're not working with me" or some such nonsense and that just set me off. She just became aggressively rude and got my dander up BIG TIME.

Just another c**t who thinks they're entitled. Not realizing that the nicer you are to whoever has the power to help you get your way, the easier it is to get your way. I had done what we're supposed to do ...follow the rules ...but if someone is repentant enough or nice enough ...I will make the call to a supervisor or use the little bit of power I have to make it a little easier for them...I could have waived the $150 change fee had she had a different attitude. She would of only had to fork over $89 bucks for some fare difference, end of story.

So there 200 people who hear me say "Hi, this is "Sam", how can I help you today" and I really mean it. 200 people I bend over backwards for. 200 people I want to please. 200 people I want to be a hero to/for. 200 people who won't get hung up on (usually) as long as they're nice even if what they're calling for is messy or complicated. 200 people who have the same questions, over and over again. And when flights are canceled or delayed due to WEATHER, 200 snotty Americans who get so fucking bent out of shape because they're going to miss their connection or whatever....wah fucking wah. Would you rather DIE? (I'm picking on the Americans because the Europeans who called who were stranded because of the Volcanic Ash shit were a lot more "c'est la vie") ...and let's not even talk about the constant pressure to be talking to 300 people by keeping the talk time down and calls per hour up. Or having to make sure we offer to transfer to a "partner" or...or... you get the picture.

What keeps me going (and just barely) is the 10% or so out of that 200 who are genuinely nice and appreciative and I can do something good for. The people that ask if they can call me back and/or go to the trouble of getting my name so they can tell the higher up's how great I was (Not that I ever get feedback on that. Post-merger there are no monthly recognition events like there used to be --- yours truly was usually attending those :P ...) and of course some really great co-workers who are in hell with me as we all suffer these calls from people who mostly call to complain or have us fix something for them...

OK, so when is enough going to be enough for me? What is it going to take to get me to get a new job? While the flight benefits are fucking awesome, is it really worth all the rest?

I can't be put off by the fact that there are millions of people out of work and therefore so much more competition for the few jobs there are out there.

(Damn, now I'm all awake again...I was getting sleepy there for a bit and may have attempted to go to bed before 2am for a change and now...damn.)

☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯

Thank goodness it's almost "Friday"....

Well, now that I've vented, and thanks for listening, I think I'm done with this post.

Onward. To see if I get sleepy again so I'll go to bed at a decent hour...