New Life Cont’d – Reality

I’d forgotten how having a home of one’s own means upkeep…keep it tidy. I take great pride and satisfaction from living in a fairly clean environment but I don’t want to put a lot of effort into which means keeping up with things….

So that is really what weekends are about right now. Not going out and drinking to the wee hours. Not seeing the latest movie. Not dining at the latest hot spot. Nope, just doing laundry, unloading/loading the dishwasher, wiping off the counters and putting things away where they belong (though I’m still figuring out the best places for things.)

And my new reality is no internet access outside of the limited amount I get with my cell phone. 

A couple of my co-workers are fond of saying “put your big girl panties on” and they’re right…that is what I have to do. 

The reality is that I can’t afford that …luxury right now and while it’s killing me, I have other financial obligations that must be met. And I’ve learned very very painful financial lessons about not meeting your financial obligations. 

And I’ll admit, if I do indeed go to Vegas for my birthday (why Vegas? Free hotel room courtesy of Michelle, my favorite work friend and …why not Vegas?) I want to be able to have a wee bit of spending money. That’s coming up week after next. 

In a perfect world, I could have it, do it all, but that is not my world.

I won’t lie, I miss internet access something awful…and I took it for granted when I had it…so I’m just going to take the opportunity to catch up on movies –even if they’re old/older and my reading. (And I’ve got a new neighborhood to explore don’t I?)

I’m very fortunate in that a woman at work gave me a TV with a built in VCR –that works!!!! And I’ve got a bunch of movies to watch that I will hopefully convince my brother to pick up for me from Ryan’s.

And in the meantime, I’ve got co-workers lending me movies. And I can borrow some from my parents. (See this is why you hang on to movies!) How awesome is that? 

So here I am. Saturday afternoon, taking a break and also waiting for groceries to get delivered…granted maybe they’re just a bit more expensive than I might get at Target or Cub but the convenience is worth it. I’m being practical this time and buying stuff that I will have to make –but that will also be great as leftovers to take to work for lunch. 

It’s my weakness to just buy lunch at work in the cafeteria. I’m a regular. They know what I usually get…the sandwich guy has finally begun to know what I like (chicken salad on a white hoagie with romaine (not iceberg) lettuce and just 2 slices of tomato) …the prices aren’t …terrible, but they’re not great either. 

More reality that I need to deal with….bringing my lunch should help me save some money that I can put toward bills. 

*Sigh*

What is sad is that I don’t remember the last time I felt like this…determined to have paid off as many bills as I could so that I don’t have these things hanging over my head. I want to be able to live simply and comfortably. 

OK, so I think those are all of the brilliant thoughts I’ve got for now.

More stuff to do around the house…

Oh joy.

Yup, lucky.

There is something to be said about simple pleasures.

I really don't need a lot to make me happy. It's the 4th of July and while I'm a little...sad I didn't make plans with anyone, I'm quite enjoying this day off so far. And I think holidays really are overrated. Having worked them and knowing people who still have to work them kind of makes them really not need to be so important. (Also, I think it's about having the opportunity to make any day a special day...why save fun for just holidays?)

I've got coffee (and more importantly creamer!), food in the fridge (fresh corn on the cob! New potatoes!) central air (on a day that is supposed to reach 99 degrees!), clean clothes and a comfortable home.

I've got people in my life who are amazing who make me feel alive with the range of emotions I experience with them and a job. A job that makes me happy for the most part and...as of July 1, a raise! (I don't know what it is yet, but I'm sure curious.)

The raise couldn't have come sooner. I've got to face one (or two) of my financial demons ..and soon.

So nope, no complaints at this particular time. Lucky me.

Now if only I didn't want a cigarette so bad....

And now time to remind myself why life is not shit

God. What a week. I was faced with the consequences of some of my bad choices AND worrying about my mother who I am really just starting to have a good good relationship with. And there was letting my parent's down ...my Pop mostly.  (Then again, how much of this am I willing to share lest you see more of the side of me I don't typically share here??? ...)

And then there is some new stuff with work adding to the mix of anxiety and frustration and fear...I've been asked to take care of someone else's job while they're out on vacation for 2 weeks.

The thing is that while it's flattering as hell (and means time OFF the phones,) it also comes with a bit more pressure. It's making sure tickets have been issued and attached to reservations. Just one tiny little detail that means the difference between the group (or a member of the group) getting on the flight and going off and having a wonderful adventure...or not.

Then there was the exclamation point to the week. The actual spilling of milk. (I would have cried if I hadn't gotten some of that out of my system the night before.)

So here we are, it's going on 1am and I'm ready to remind myself about the positive things in my life and then start dealing with how I can make things right and better.

Then again, it's going on 1am and I'm not wanting to do anything right now other than crawl into bed and let another new day come and bring hope and possibilities with it.

So maybe we'll just come back to some of this later and in the meantime, off to dreamland I go.