What Next?

I've been spending a lot of time and money lately on getting my house in order...literally.

Today was a good day. Highlights include getting the new bed delivered. And John, the handyman, putting up a towel rack in the bathroom and putting up a paper towel holder.

Swasome. (New word...combination of sweet and awesome.)

Staying Positive.

I've got tendonitis in my wrist and typing hurts like a m*fucker.

But I have to realize that the key to survival sometimes (most of the time?) is staying positive.

Life really is good right now.

Money makes life good right now.

Between my paychecks (when working all of my hours and/or having paid time off, I LOVE them), my federal refund and profit sharing, I've been going a little crazy.

I told you about buying a new bed and hopefully it's being delivered tomorrow...we're getting like another fucking foot of snow tonight. Bloody hell.

Poor B. That man works so hard, juggles a million balls and still makes time for me. And this particular winter has been brutal.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, life is good.

I'm sure I should be doing the grown up thing and saving most of this money and/or paying off the rest of the little debt I have (student loan from my Horst (now known as Aveda Institute) days is the worst of it) but I'm getting a lot of pleasure out of making my home more...homey.

I guess it always comes back to my "nest" and making it as nice and comfortable as I can since I spend so much time there.

So I might be going a wee bit crazy. But I don't think on frivolous stuff. It's functional stuff. Hooks and hangers and hampers. That kind of thing. Oh OK and maybe a new set of plates and bowls. While I'm grateful that Judy gave me the dishes when she did, they are ...ugly.

So I think I will just embrace the madness and then get to learning what it's like to save money next.  I know it's up to me and I can do it. I can be successful.

...Speaking of ...well, not necessarily success but just something awesome...

I get to travel for company business next week and I am psyched. I didn't know how much I wanted to until it happened!

There's going to be this workshop in Atlanta next Thursday that will have participants from both group offices, management, Revenue Management, etc. and we'll be talking about how to work ...better all together.

This is a good opportunity for me to check my attitude about the other office. Granted, they have a lot of idiots down there but there are a few good folks and it's time we threw positivity at the issue of "North" vs "South" for a change.

I'm excited and I hope good things come out of it in terms of things that happen in reality and not just theory.

I almost wonder if I shouldn't read through all of those documents on my desk on the various policies and procedures and start thinking of ideas and/or questions...Hmm.

Well anyway.

Yeah, life is good. 

Love...2014

What a great day it's been so far. I got to spend some quality time with my love this morning and then this afternoon, I went and showed myself some love by investing in my comfort...I bought a new bed.

But back to this morning.

I'm so lucky I've got someone in my life who loves me just as I am. Someone who lets me be me ...even as I'm still finding out who I am. I've got someone who has endless amounts of patience while I figure it all out.

And what's awesome also is that not only am I shown the love on this holiday but I'm shown the love all the time, in various ways, some small, some not so small.

I was reminded tonight that one of the many good things about our relationship is that when we're not together, we still like each other. We care and it shows in our conversations.

And I really know I'm loved. (Let's not get into why I sometimes find that hard to believe right now.)

And I've got so much other love in my life with my family and friends.

I was telling K recently that my life is good...really good and I wasn't wrong. (I'm going be dog and house sitting again for her this summer...Yippee!)

I've still got work to do, physically and financially but I'm feeling optimistic and know if I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other that I can keep making my life better and clear the way for more good things to come in to it.

And then, there was bed shopping.

Pop took me and insisted on The Original Mattress Factory. And while at first I thought it might be a mistake to just go only place, it turned out to be a good decision. I was Goldilocks and I found one that seems just right. 

I hate that I have to wait a week for it. BUT ...this way I have time to prepare...I'm going to have to move a dresser out. And wash the new sheets.  And clear out the nightstand. And hang up the pictures.

And how fucking lucky am I that I work where I work and we have this little thing called "profit sharing."

Yup. My life is good. And I've got good people in it. And I've got love.

And let me end with a little song dedication to my love, B.

Sweet wonderful you,
You make me happy with the things you do,
Oh, can it be so,
This feeling follows me wherever I go.

I never did believe in miracles,
But I've a feeling it's time to try.
I never did believe in the ways of magic,
But I'm beginning to wonder why.

Don't, don't break the spell,
It would be different and you know it will,
You, you make loving fun,
And I don't have to tell you that you're the only one.

Oooh . . . you make loving fun. (It's all I wanna do.)
Oooh . . . you make loving fun. (It's all I wanna do.)
Oooh . . . you make loving fun. (It's all I wanna do.)

Because this is NOT as good as it gets.

It's better and it keeps getting better.

I think I just came across the next book I need to read as I evolve into this...new (maybe just improved?) person I'm trying to become with the exercise and eating...better.

Lose The Diet: Transform Your Body By Connecting With Your Soul.  

by Kathy Balland (Author)

and this was one person had to say in their review that said things the way I didn't know I wanted them said on the whole matter of where I'm at...

"I have long believed that the weight battle is not fought on the scale, or in the kitchen or at the supermarket, but in our minds.

I've been overweight for 20 years and morbidly obese for 14 of those. Yet, surprisingly perhaps, I haven't been on many diets. See, I knew that diets don't work. Instead I've been trying for the last three years to change to a healthy lifestyle that will not only return me to a normal weight, but heal some health problems.

... for some reason or the other, I would always start sabotaging myself after a while. This used to drive me crazy! Why can't I allow myself to feel good and get healthy? I knew it had a lot to do with my upbringing, my poor self-esteem and my need to rebel at every turn."

OMG. "singing my words"...

So OK. I think I'll dive in.

These changes I'm making are changes that I must embrace every single day of my life, in one way or another. It doesn't mean I won't occassionally have a "bad" day (er, Thursday/Friday pizza - ate the whole thing & Saturday chips (ate the whole bag) and salsa.) but I'm having good days too. 

So another week is approaching and another week where I will just go to the fitness center everyday  (because it's just what I do) and I will put together fairly healthy foods to bring for lunch.

So OK, yeah, let's look at it from the emotional, mental side of things and see where that takes me next. 

Well, this is a first.

I'm writing this while someone else is in the room with me.

I've made a new friend. Scary but cool.

N (work) and I are now hanging out for the 2nd time this month. Last Saturday we went to her place and ate pizza, got happy, drank a little & watched some Sex and The City and had just a fucking awesome time.

She's hanging out for a bit...was supposed to have a date with this guy and this was his 3rd Strike after breaking 2 previous  dates.

In regards to her "date"...here's my philosophy...courtesy of an episode of SATC...he's just not that into you.

Someone who's not that into you won't make time for you no matter how fucking crazy their schedule is.

I know firsthand.

God, I love B so much. He's such a good man and takes care of so many people including me. And I love that he loves being a dad and is a good dad. His daughter is so lucky to have him.

Oh...where was I? Oh yeah, N.

She's texting another man who's she's got a ...complicated relationship with. And texting 2 other guys friends of hers. She's juggling a lot of men and I'm trying to have her benefit from the wisdom gained from some of my experiences. Sometimes it gets through to her, sometimes it doesn't (e.g. she thought she had to have it all figured out by now. Crazy!!!!)

But she's on her own journey in regards to her relationships and love.

She's really been a good friend to me so far. We're "gym buddies" at work. Yes, I said "gym buddies". After joining the gym at work (on the last Friday of 2013) I finally went for my orientation and started the new routine last week. I go everyday at lunch, instead of going to lunch (and that is where I learned how fucking long 10 minutes is.)

I have to be patient with myself in this...much as I might want to do everything because I'm in a hurry to get to the part where I start losing weight...I have to remember it won't happen overnight (and it certainly won't happen until my eating habits improve... :P ) and I have to focus on how I feel physically and that is what will keep me going. I did feel better physically even if that feeling was tired. It was a good kind of tired.

And I think I'm also going to look at other ways to get back in touch with my body. I've been out of touch with it for a while now.

I decided to put the BED issue on the back-burner for now and I canceled my appointments with the therapist. I think I'm going to try "physical" therapy for a change.

Turning Resolutions Into Reality.

I think another reason I think R and K are in it for the long haul. He dedicated the song "Just The Way You Are" (Bruno Mars) to her on FB.

That romantic gesture - telling the world (well, the FB world) how he felt about this woman ...

*sigh*

But romantic gestures are also in how you listen to someone and cheer them on and remind them that they're ...something special.

That was a realization tonight. An important one that I needed to be reminded of.

B reminded me of how far I've come in the last few years and I had to tell him that he's a large part of why. He always listens to me, no matter what I'm saying. He doesn't judge my choices and gently encourages me to make better ones.

So some of the resolutions I've decided to have are just simply going to be to duplicate the things that people I admire have done... and one of the people is N (from work) in the amount of weight she's lost just by eating better and adding physical activity into her routine.

I can do that.

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

So the weirdest thing is happening right now. I'm exchanging texts with my upstairs neighbor and it's awesome. I'm finally asking if I have the volume on music up too high (so far, no) and we're talking about the guy who lives upstairs in the front part of the house, who plays the electric guitar loudly (and is not the friendliest.)

I've decided tonight I'm just going to write about the things I'm doing as I'm doing them.

It's fucking cold outside and I'm so glad I'm inside, on a comfortable sofa, with warm fuzzy blankets (thanks K! She really gets that I'm a homebody. God bless her.)

I was supposed to have another NYE with M but he's "wussed out" on me this year so it's just me. And I'm going to have a really good night.  I've got treats and booze. I've got internet access. And the best part???

I have the day off tomorrow.

Don't get me wrong...I really like my job (hmm, said I loved it the last time I mentioned work...hmmm) but I LOVE LOVE days off.

And now the pizza (from Pizza Luce) that I'm treating myself to is here.

Later.

Back and very full.

Random post-y thing from FB...

Some horoscope thing and 2014.

LEO - The Lion (July 23 to August 22)
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

Love how it's all this random shit (that does and does not apply to me) and then ...BAM they have me. 

Loves being in long relationships. 

Bloody hell. 

Well currently I'm very happy in my long time relationship. He reminded me recently just how nice it is to just be together.  I like his company. I like him as well as love him (and you know how important I think that is) and after all of the years I've known him, he can still surprise and delight me.

And a song is playing that by an artist he once told me he liked...

Janet Jackson ...and how fitting the song is "That's the Way Love Goes".

That's the way love goes.

So now, to put the leftover pizza away (I didn't eat it all! Yay me.) and figure out what I'm going to do next. 

I'm torn between trying to find something brilliant to do and really making this night special and significant (it's New Years Eve for gods sake) and doing what I usually do on a day off...nothing.

Or I could finally start doing some laundry... 

...before I forget...this is also something I wanted to be sure to write about tonight... 

The Year In Review. Part I

It's been a big year. 

1. E was born and I became an aunt for the first time.
2. I moved again
3. Kept the job (for another year)
4. I've had some of the best...finished/styled hair I've ever had (and I really really need to learn how to do it myself)
5. I fucking joined the gym at work.