And counting down the days now.

*I wonder what my upstairs neighbor will be like -in terms of her reactions to hearing my noises (music, etc. ;) )?

and that is just one of many million things I'm thinking about these days.

*How on earth am I going to eat healthier in a small kitchen with no counter space?

*What should I pack from the kitchen?

I can't stop.

(Seriously? This is the drama this time? Moving. Well I suppose it could be worse.)

No. It's the recent decision in the soon-to-be giving up my dirty little habit - smoking cigarettes. I need to do it for others who have requested it or tolerated it. I'll use my new place as the starting point. A fresh start (of sorts.)

Shit. This growing up business is a bit challenging at times.

But that's what I've got to keep doing. Facing my demons (bills.) And getting my shit together.

I need to be the kind of person a person can count on.

BIWH (think about it Sam.) (hint. the title of the previous post.)

I will be in the new place for the first day in 2 more weeks. I'm really excited about this. And I'm really hoping that I'm not subconsciously putting myself into situations that I'll have to move from eventually. I am only thinking about that because I was talking about some of my moves with Bill this afternoon.

I had to be out of the apartment while they were showing it this morning and found myself out at the Farmer's Market and then to Golden's Deli for some breakfast. (The rain kept most of the crowds away...yay!) I ran into Bill on the way back and we ended up hanging out for a bit. During that time, I was talking about that I've moved a LOT in my life. By the time I was 36 I had already moved 18 times in my life. (Stop me if you think you've heard this before.) And here I go again.

But I'm really excited about this. Excited about the new ...nest and the neighborhood. There is a bar two blocks away. I wonder if I'll become a go the local bar kind of woman. Nah. We all know what I prefer when I indulge don't we? And I like that at home.

I'll miss this neighborhood though. I've met some really cool people down here. I ...hope...wonder if I'll keep in touch with them outside of FB.

These next 2 weeks better go fast. I'm losing my mind over this packing and what to keep and what not to keep business. I don't know why I think that is so important. Hmm, but what else should I focus on?

Well, I've been neglecting my physical self again -with the exception that I'm off soda (only 1x in the last 3 or so months.) ...I've not been eating as healthy as I could. I'll miss the Farmer's Market being as accessible as it is.  You know what? I think I'll do something I wasn't sure I was going to do and make it a point to get my butt down to it even after I move. I was just reading reviews of it on Yelp. And damn straight, it's awesome. Not perfect but awesome. I admit today I bought a couple of things ...pasta -lemon linguine, Parmesan cheese, cinnamon bread and ...homemade soap.

I probably spent more on those items that I probably should have but they're treats. And I love being able to have treats. They're what keep me going when I get bummed about money.

2 Weeks from Today - 3 Weeks (hint. when actually was.)

I will be in my new apartment. Packing fever has struck.

And then I hear this song and ...wow, quite appropriate as I think about packing...

"Simple Life"

Can I get up in the morning
Put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say "hey" to the sun...
Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?
They'd hear just the tune
Not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

Move on, move on
Time is accelerating.
Drive on all night
Traffic lights and one-ways.
Move on, move on
Parking violations waiting
Turn off the car, breathe the air
Let's stay here.

I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time
To know our neighbors all by name
And every star at night.
We'll weave our days together like waves
And particles of light.

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

Yup, totally telling my story -my life right now. And a-ha, the next "Song of the Moment"! 

And let's call this one ...new beginnings.

A co-worker S graduated from college today. Despite the fact that she's almost <oh! I didn't quite think about it that way until now> 20 years younger than me, and we're complete opposites (she's a country girl, me a city girl), she turned from a co-worker into a friend over these last couple of years. We've been having lunch together most days and I always look forward to it. She's wise beyond her years at times and is the kind of woman who doesn't take shit from anyone. I met her boyfriend today and he seems like a good man and will treat her right.

She's gotten her BS in Criminal Justice and will be beginning her new job as a correctional office this summer.  It will be up north, closer to where she's from and she's really excited about not having to commute back and forth between up north and the cities like she has been for the last few years.

And that will be a really sad day when we have that last lunch together. (And I've already told her that I expect periodic updates from her when she's at work since she'll be working at a prison.)

And then there's the big exciting news that R & K are having a baby. They're finally starting the family they both want. I can't imagine two people who are more excited about this than them. And they're going to be fucking awesome parents. (They perfected loving patience by practicing on me during the brief time I lived with both of them! Kidding. (Maybe.)) I am going to be the worlds greatest "aunt" and I'm looking forward to spending time with this kid.

And then there is my not quite as big new beginning up ahead.

I found the new/next/last ? place. It's a place a bit closer to work and has some useful businesses quite close by...a grocery store, a liquor store, a gas station...and a salon that I read good reviews on called The Petite Salon. (I have a feeling I just might be able to budget more frequent haircuts with the money I'll be saving on rent! Have 2 a year instead of 1! :P (I still have bills to pay and savings to start!))

...And that's just one of the many things I have to keep in mind. That while I hate moving, where I am moving to seems like it will be just as cool, in different ways ...

I have to focus on the positive and how I'm going to be able to actually get back on track financially and dig myself out of the hole I fell into.

And it will all be new ...the sounds I hear out of my window. The view I see from those windows (er, if any.) New things to see when I wake up in the morning.  And the things I'll see when I sit outside on the steps having a smoke.

I will love having my bedroom in a separate room. I will LOVE having my bedroom in a separate room. Have I mentioned how much I will love having my bedroom in a separate room? :P

And I'm looking forward to having a separate bedroom -and all of my clothes in one place (well, this could be the case now but I hate putting clothes away.)

I'm looking forward to ...that kitchen. Yes, the kitchen. There's no counter space. And it wasn't upgraded like the one upstairs. And there are no drawers. But it's ...charming. Absolutely charming. And I'm so happy that I'll be able to call it mine in little over a month.

I can see making a home there. Actually making it a home. --I can't remember if I ever felt that way about this place. I probably did but financially it's been dragging me down and I "lost that lovin' feeling" a long time ago.

It's definitely been an adventure living down here. Fun at first but not being able to enjoy myself in my neighborhood, not so fun.

And while I'm excited about the charms of the new place (did I mention cool arched doorways?) ...if I were to find out an efficiency in Galtier Towers opened up, I'd go for that ...wouldn't I? Maybe not...it's too nerve-wracking waiting for a rental application to get approved. And I think they're tougher than this woman Jean was...

She seems nice. Really felt bad about missing our original appointment to see the place [again] and I appreciated that she apologized. (I sometimes wonder where on earth manners have gone.)

So...the next life. (Oooh, I just found the next song of the moment! You have been listening/watching ...right? :D)

☯☯☯☯☯☯

And now time to reflect on the many ...blessings, yes, I said blessings, in/about my life these days.

1. Really good friends. Good friends who are experiencing good things and I'm so happy for them. 
2. A job that I mostly still like.
3. Love. Love that keeps me on my toes [too.] Love that keeps me going when I feel like giving up. Love that really sees ME and is way more that I ever could have expected.
4. My mother's health is still holding steady. She's worked really hard and hasn't given up on herself.
5. That the weather finally is delightful. Downright perfect.

☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯

Ah, so yeah, moving. And once again I'm going through my stuff. Wondering what should I keep on keeping.

I think I might have to whittle down the dishes to 4 place settings. 4? Or 2? I'm going to miss living with a dishwasher. I should start just doing them all by hand now so I get used to it. Pretend I don't even have a dishwasher...wait, nope, can't do that. I didn't just buy a new box of dishwasher detergent to have it sit and go to waste. (I have this crazy idea about using up everything I possibly can in order to not have to move it... the dishwasher detergent, soaps (laundry, hand,) groceries, etc. (Crazy like a fox or just plain crazy?)

*sigh*

So here we go...again.

It only seems like I have a lot of choices

So I'm all over the place in terms of where I'm going next. Looking at places of my own. Looking at renting from someone again. Looking at living in a duplex/fourplex. Looking at other apartment buildings. Looking at living in an another apartment I can't really afford and living poor (though I really think I'm convinced this time that I shouldn't do that again) or living somewhere that is more than 1 bus away from work.

I also need to think about where I'll end up with the credit I have. (Hence the title of this post.)

Is it greedy of me to want to live on 1 busline, at an affordable rate, in a place that is also ...nice?

Maybe not. This is my future home I'm thinking about. Will it be possible that I will find a place that I won't have to move from -ever again?

I am probably putting too much pressure on myself to find a place that I'll never move from again aren't I?

Me. Who doesn't really think about the future beyond the next month or so...I'm obsessing over finding a place that I'm not going to want to move away from for a very very very long time, if ever.

Maybe I need to not hate moving.

I mean, what's the big deal? I've done it a million times. And each time, I still end up with less stuff than I had before...the minimalist in me likes that. Likes that a lot.

At the end of the day no matter where I end up, there I am.

What I really should be thinking about is the life I envision for myself and while where I hang my hat plays a big part in that, it shouldn't be the be-all/end-all of it.

My goals for life need to include getting out of debt. Getting some savings started and living debt-free.

I was telling a friend that I can't even imagine what a life where I'm not deprived and just surviving feels like. It seems like all of my adult life has seen me living paycheck to paycheck and it sucks.

Ah, growing up is kind of a bitch sometimes.

And growing up can't happen if I don't find a place to live that is actually within a realistic budget.

So it's time to experience the alternative... live somewhere I can actually afford. Hmm, what a concept.

And now back to real life.

So my vacation with my mom and her friend Blia was...OK.  I think next time around though I will have to plan a little bit better. Going on vacation without any money and having to rely on your mother (though I'm glad she was willing to help) is not my idea of fun.

Vegas could have been a place where I had more fun but instead it was just a destination -somewhere to go so I didn't have to sit home for a week bored out of my mind.

Picking up a cold on the day before we came home also sort of put a damper on the experience. I think the best thing about the trip was being somewhere warm and sunny.

And now back to real life. Home today with this damn cold and what a rotten day it's been. They're doing construction in one of the apartments next to/below me (I can't quite tell which) that woke me up at 8am. And then tonight, there is water leaking from the area where the hose is connected for the washing machine. And it's not from me doing laundry.

I am worried that they're going to find some way to charge me for this and/or for anything else they do to the apartment when they do the upgrades after I move and I'm going to get screwed.

And now I'm also stressing about finding a new place to live. I got excited about some available efficiencies at Galtier Towers but now those aren't available and they only have studios which rent for 860.00 a month! Much as I think I could swing it -I am nuts. I have barely survived this 845.00 a month.

I just sent an email to the woman that owns a place I looked at last spring. It's the upper unit of a 4-plex. It was charming and small and had a lot of character. It just doesn't have any amenities and the laundry is 2 narrow flights of stairs down from the apartment.  The price tag is great though... 675.00 a month. And because it's a 1 bedroom, I could see myself sticking around a while and really making it a home. While I've loved my apartment, I've not really "settled" as I've known from the start that it was too much money and that I probably wouldn't be able to stay here forever.

I think I'd have to save my pennies though and hire movers this time around. It wouldn't be fair to my friends or family to have them help me move into this one.  The stairs will make it challenging.

Now the big question will be will it still be available in the next month or so...it's been available for months but now it's getting to be that time of year when people are ready to move.

Will I miss out on this too?

I know I should probably be willing to look at other parts of the city and taking another bus but I really really need to avoid that. One bus is already hard enough some days.

Or should I go ahead and look at Mears Park again? Even though the leasing agent turned quite rude once she found out I was just looking and going to be looking at other places. Should I really let that dissuade me from considering it? The location is ideal and it has amenities and the rents are within the range I can make work...

Fuck. Moving.

Going to Paris

April Fool. Sort of. Somehow, someway I have managed to find myself going to Las Vegas with my mother -and her friend Blia -for this vacation. We're going mainly to see "Paris" -it's our way of going together. (I did think about trying to get to the real thing -do that just go and see the Eiffel Tower and come back thing but that was going to cost just a little bit too much.) I wonder how it'll live up the real thing ...I'll have to be sure to ask the ladies as they've both been.

I'm getting picked up in about 5 1/2 hours and I probably should be trying to get a little bit of sleep but I'm too restless to sleep.

Am I excited? I don't know.

I'm nervous though my mother's health is holding steady. And we packed all of her medicine -even stuff that she may not need. And we're both going to be watching the salt. And we're both going to be eating salads and fruit. I think that this is maybe going to be a kind of ...way to reinforce that she needs to keep taking care of herself. So she can travel -even if it's just within the U.S. She's worked hard and I hope that means she can handle it....and has a good time to boot. And it's a good thing we'll have time apart because we both need our space. (Another thing I get from her...my sense of independence.)

And I love that SHE is excited. My parent's do love to travel (yup, that's where I get it from) and I think it's cool that they take solo trips. (I wonder if there would be somewhere I could talk Pop into going?)

It's nice making your parent's happy.

It's nice making other people happy.

None of us are rolling in the dough so we will be doing things on the cheap. I was thinking that that I really would be spending a good 8 hours a day at the pool ...but probably not (and I am going to be sure we're putting on lots of suncreen because to get sunburned would just suck.)

I am glad that my mother has been very eager to reassure me that we'll all have plenty of time for ourselves ...so I guess I better do some reading about free, fun/interesting things to do in Vegas.

I can't believe it's already time for the trip..! OK, I guess I'm getting excited. But one thing at a time. First, to deal with the airport and getting seats on the flight.

----

And this has been serving as a welcome distraction from the apartment search. A very welcome distraction.