Here we go again.

Another post from the work computer.

Some fuckers broke in the Fabulous' house on Monday night. They took my laptop. The fuckers. They really did a number on the front door but I guess we should be grateful they didn't destroy anything else. And I know I'm grateful they didn't decide to harm the animals because I'm sure Pickles was barking up a storm. Good puppy!

But this is really all I'm going to say for now...I'm not going to go into all of the details...mostly because this is just an update post because I want to leave...though what am I hurrying home to?

I'm being reminded again just how dependent I am on having my own computer w/internet access. So time to reacquaint myself with reading, videos, DVD's and...going to bed at a halfway decent time!

Well, OK...

Onward. With prayers that her homeowner's insurance goes ahead and pays for a new computer (a girl can dream right?)

Nope, not gonna be easy money

It's gonna take organization, creativity and consistency to do the job and the compensation is fair.

I'm so excited and happy about this opportunity to work for/with Troy that it really has me thinking about the full-time job and if I can bear to stick with it.

I posted this status on FB the other day..."would almost rather poke my eyes out with a sharp stick that go to work "tomorrow" (saturday)"

and it's true.

While some of the callers are great ...and I get a kick out of selling the higher and/or premium cabin fares, overall the job feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. And most of the pressure is called "stats". Worrying about them everyday, obsessing over them. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to maintain a decent amount of time being available for phone calls but it is. I'm also bored and so so tired of the same goddamn questions..."how many miles do I have", etc. Yet I still just want to be able to help as many as can w/out the pressure to get them off the phone or sell them on some damn credit card.

I've been saying that I'm burning out. I give 110% percent and it's catching up with me. But in thinking about looking for a new job (here we go again) there still is the reality that in this economy, with all of the other competition out there, that finding a new FT job that rewards good customer service w/out the pressure of the call center life may just be a dream.

So I am going to allow myself to take as much PTO as I want and focus on doing a good and productive job for Troy and have the airline job as just something I do to keep flight benefits. I'll go, do my thing and just get through the shift one hour at a time.

Did I mention how excited I am about what I'm going to be doing? I'll be his marketing assistant and responsible for the mailings of everything from direct mail letters, cards, gifts and invites to events. I can't help but feel a wee bit ...guilty about taking work away from maybe someone else who A. needs a job and B. has more experience in the field. I won't lie. I'm rusty on word processing programs, spreadsheets and mail merges but I am finding lots of help via that oh so wonderful search engine that is "Google"!

And I know that I deserve this opportunity and I WILL shine and help him become a lean, mean, organized, VP who stands out from the crowd. It's like all of this has awakened that part of me that enjoys being a big fish in a small pond. Being important and OMG, needed! Strangely I don't get that feeling from Delta. Even when there are a million calls on hold because hundreds of flights are canceled due to weather, I don't feel needed in that job. I'm merely a cog in the wheel. One of hundreds. The lowest on the totem pole.

Does Troy have any idea of the gift that he's giving me, just to feel this good about working a job? I'm going to have to do my best not to gush or thank him too much. I do have a tendency to go on a bit don't I? I guess I just feel so damn lucky.

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Speaking of lucky...the tax refund gods were smiling on me this year. I've already filed AND gotten both my federal and state refunds back. And they were halfway decent amounts to boot! Goodbye $200+ Dr. bill that's been hanging over my head since last summer! And I'm pretty much caught up w/the Fabulous on rent & utilities and for sure will be back on track by the time I move next month (crikey! just a little over a month left here...) The guy I was in the accident with is paid off. That will help I'm sure when I go to court to deal with the consequences of my actions (or lack of action!) ...yeah, I'm gonna have to go to court after all. I thought that might be the case but then thought differently but now it's been confirmed. Am just waiting for the summons...

We're getting some money from profit sharing at the end of the month and I will sock that away toward my fines/ticket. I hope that by paying the fine in full and being very humble and this being my first offense that they won't take my license away or worse, throw me in jail! I should be more nervous and/or worried but I just can't think about that right now. I will just have to deal with it when it all happens. Jason said that if he wasn't working or on a job when my court date rolls around that he'd go with me. Thank god. This is going to be scary enough as it is. (I guess I better have a back-up in case he's not available since I feel that way...any volunteers?)

In spite of that, I feel lucky! I finally got around to dealing with finding a better rate for my car insurance and found way better...and I solemnly swear will never ever ever be without it again as long as I'm driving a car and will hopefully never have to go through all this shit again.

While I mostly paid bills, I did treat myself to a couple of things with the tax money...new underwear, a skirt and a shirt. I may have splurged a bit on the skirt but it's a beautiful long black sweater skirt...and while I already have several other black skirts, this one is "just right"...

OK, so it's like going on 3am and by the time I proof/edit this I'm sure it'll be after 3 so I'm going to just stop here for tonight.

More to come!

What I should have said was...

Ridiculously over paid AND easy money???? Or why on earth would it pay so well? Is it that terrible of a job?

So my mind is a racing a million miles an hour thinking more about this job I'm gonna do for Troy.

So many questions! We're talking tomorrow or Friday and hopefully I'll get a clearer picture of how this will work and the expectations.

I'm even pondering asking if maybe I shouldn't work out of his home base until after I move (less to move!!!!) plus then he doesn't have to schlep supplies over to me...the downside to that is that I'd have to get dressed and leave my house for this and it was kind of a nice idea that I could do this at home, in my PJ's!

Meh. We'll just see what we see after we talk about this some more.

In the meantime, I'm gonna do me a little more research on Variable Annuities and mail merges! Woo hoo. There is some exciting reading! :P

Ridiculously Over Paid or Easy Money?

Sometimes you can just be rolling along and living a boring life and then WHAM! Something exciting comes along...

Last week a former co-worker, Kathy, from a job I had years ago sent me an email telling me that one of my former "bosses", Troy, was looking for someone to do some Marketing work part-time and she gave him my email address. I half-jokingly asked Kathy if he asked for me or was just telling her that he was looking for anyone for this and she said he called her specifically looking for ME!!!! Talk about flippin' flattering! (Thank goodness I've kept in touch with her over the years, even if it's only the occasional email!)

Here's a little background...

Years ago I went through a temp phase job-wise and had all sorts of administrative/clerical & data entry gigs. One assignment was for a company called CUNA Mutual.

The job was to provide administrative support for a Financial Representative in a credit union, The woman I supported was named Lynn and she was awesome. Doing that temp gig was the coolest in all the assignments I'd had up to that point. I got a kick out of being someone's "assistant". (Finally felt like I'd found a job I really liked again after spending years getting nowhere doing another type of work I loved, arts ticketing and then dealing with the drudgery of office work)

After that assignment ended, I had some other jobs...(not that I remember what I did after that since that was like almost a decade ago now!) Anyhoo, a little bit of time passed and then since they/CUNA liked me well enough, they asked specifically (there's that word again...couldn't find a better one) for me to come and do another temp assignment with some Rep's at Postal Credit Union. Troy was one of the 2 Rep's I supported between a couple of their branches.

The woman who had been doing the job, Kelly? was going on maternity leave. After her leave was up, they kept me on with her, but part-time. Eventually they were able to make it permanent and full-time because Kelly decided to quit (she was moving out of state with her husband and the baby if I remember correctly?) The other Rep (I don't remember his name) eventually left, so it was just Troy and I doing our thing between the North St. Paul and West. St. Paul branches. As the nature of the beast that is life, things changed. Had the PCU had not decided to take over the Financial Services program and have their own Representative and decide to have one of their own employees supporting the Rep, I would have kept working for him and might still be working for him today.

I was totally bummed but that didn't last long because fate intervened and it turned out that Lynn, the first Rep. I'd supported needed someone to support her at US Federal Credit on a permanent, full-time basis as well. You know I'm not religious right? But that experience was one of the few times I truly felt that someone was looking out for me (you know, the big guy "upstairs"!).

While I was sad to not be working with Troy anymore, Getting to work with Lynn again was enough to make it not seem like the end of the world. They both were completely different in their styles and how they worked. Troy's strength was/is in dealing with his clients in person and would leave pretty much ALL of the administrative/office side of things to me. Lynn, while wonderful, was very self-sufficient (just a tiny example of that was that I would take care of his voice mail with writing down the messages and then reviewing them with him and she always listened to her own and kept track of them...not that I was complaining...I got to get really good at my job and later actually grew bored because it was not a challenging enough of a position...but we'll just skip the rest of that story)

I still say, to this day, that both of them are on my top 5 "bosses" of all time list.

So fast-forward to now.

After I got the email from Kathy, she sent me his phone number and I left him a slightly babbling voice mail last Tuesday. We finally touched base this morning before I left for work (thank goodness, the suspense was killing me!) and there have been lots of changes for him career-wise. He is no longer a practicing Financial Representative/Planner but now is on the Wholesale side of things and sells a specific Variable Annuity for a company called SunAmerica to other Financial Representatives and Stockbrokers. He said he pretty much works out of his car, has an office in his car and spends most of his time out on the road making sales calls. It's his own business and his wife does most of his administrative work. He also has a scheduler and an internal wholesaler who helps with the follow-up on the annuity once it's sold.

What he needs, is looking for, is he'd like [me] to be part of "Team Troy" in being the person who is responsible for the mailings that are sent to out prospective clients -everything thing from thank-you's, "trinkets" (pens, etc.), to mailings of what I can only assume are introductory letters and information about the "product".

He would supply everything, supplies, printer, postage, etc. And I would only have to spend about 5-7 hours a week on this. And the pay is $25/hr.

$25 an hour.

$25 an hour.

I can work from home (will have to create a "home office" environment and find a place to store the supplies and "trinkets"). I can do it when I want. I don't have to get up early (hallefuckingjulah) or go anywhere, except for the post-office. I don't have to "dress" up. I don't have to interview for this! It's mine if I want it. OMG.

Am I fucking dreaming or what?

We have a lot more to talk about and will be talking again on Friday morning. I've already got a bunch of questions for him and will have a million more by the time Friday rolls around. I'm going to want to do a good job and make the most of this opportunity.

I've got to remember or figure out mail merging again!

So wow huh?

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Boy, can life ever be interesting sometimes. It's time I remind myself of things I have to be grateful for. (Maybe by focusing on some positive things it'll distract me from the actual pain in my neck that I woke up with today. It hurts like a motherfucker. But I don't want to go to the doctor because he's only going to recommend more physical therapy instead of a chiropractor...actually you know what? Fuck that, I'm getting nice amounts of tax refunds this year (thank god!) and along with catching up some rent w/the Fabulous and paying off my ticket from that damn accident (the guy is finally paid off though, Yee Haw) I might just go ahead and pay for an appointment with one...and I think it would be a reimbursable expense from my FSA funds...?) Anyhoo...where was I?

Oh yeah, the things I'm grateful for.

I found cheaper car insurance. It helps that I can use my new upcoming address (did I mention moving is happening mid-March? Yup, gonna rent from Ryan. Totally excited about that but I'll talk about all of that in a bit) and signed up for renter's insurance. The savings of like $75 or so bucks a month will help my bottom line.

Hmm...what else? Well, the moving thing.

Ryan found a really great house and the closing will be on Feb. 18th barring any unforeseen complications (of which I hope there are none that can't be overcome)

It's in Robbinsdale and has the perfect set-up for renting to someone with it's finished basement with a toilet and shower. It also has a 2 car garage and a cute little patio/deck.

The commute to work will be similar, maybe a wee bit longer, but easy as it's mostly freeway (please let Suzette keep runnin'!) of Highway 100 and 494. I will be sad to leave the home that the Fabulous has given me the last 2+ years but life is changing for her big time and it's time for me to move on. I don't know how long I'll be with Ryan but I'm going to take the time to really get my financial shit in order so that maybe someday I can get my own place again. I'm so tired of moving. Thank goodness I don't have a lot of stuff. (I'm actually tempted to get rid of even more of the few things I have, but a lot of it is what I call my "history" in the form of journals, photos and date books/calendars that date back years and years.)

Sheesh, it's late and I've yet to devote any time to the zillons of FB games that I "play"! Maybe I'll just take the night off and let the crops wither and the food/drinks spoil. I've got the latest Nora Roberts novel "The Search" waiting for me to dive back into and of course work tomorrow so maybe I'll even try to get to bed at a reasonable time...Oh who are we kidding?

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Valentine's Day is coming up and other than 2 great cards I found for B, I have no idea what to do for him this year. I think I'll need to spend a little time thinking about what he'd like (besides the obvious! :P). I hope he gets me at least a card that is as absofuckinglutely awesome as last years...that one was the best card he's EVER given me (and then the birthday one, the significant 40th birthday one was the most boring and impersonal card ever..what was up with that? Uh, guess I'm not quite over that yet am I? Get over it Sam! He shows his love to you in a thousand other little ways and it all counts in the big picture!)

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Work sucks as usual. Between the pressure to maintain stats (calls per hour, talk time, etc.) and the massive amounts of canceled flights from volcanic ash, improper scheduling of flights w/out the crews to work 'em and fucking winter storms/snow, it's been a nightmare for months. But I'm thankful I have a job. I'm thankful I have a job. I'm thankful I have a job. I'm thankful I have job. (Oh to only really truly believe that)

Well...I think I'll just stop here for tonight. I'm sure I'm forgetting to write about something but I can't think of it (obviously :P ) so I guess just...

Onward. With scads and scads of things to do to be prepared for this new part-time gig.

Anniversary

Before I write this post tonight, I really should move my lazy butt up off this bed and walk the 3 feet to the bathroom. Not sure why I'm putting it off. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I'm just so warm and cozy snuggled up under my comforter. Enjoying the feel of freshly laundered sheets. B was over tonight and it was a nice slice of domesticity to have his help in turning the mattress around and then putting the sheets on the bed.

Tomorrow, technically now today since it's after midnight, is the anniversary of making the choice to put poor Louis out of his misery. The hardest day (outside of the days of finding out my grandpa had died and the day of his funeral) of my young life.

I still think of him, Louis, every single day in one way or another. Usually when I'm in my room and looking around at his favorite places to sleep, like the end of the bed. Sebastian has adopted that now and it's sweet. I am grateful that the Fabulous has her "kids" that have become dear to me and fill some of the space that was left in my heart after saying good-bye to Louis.

Sebastian, with his fur several shades of ginger is actually about the same size and sheds just about as much! ...but that is the only thing they have in common. Louis was a cranky old man w/everyone else especially in the last year or so of his life and Sebastian is more of a lover not a fighter and sweet as can be.

But will I ever want another pet of my own again? No. Nope. No. I am content with loving the pets in the house and will miss them when it comes time to move out but I am still done with taking on the responsibilities of my own. The ability to not only feed and clean up after them combined with loving care and attention is just a bit much for me now. (I'm not exactly succeeding 100% in taking proper care of myself let alone another)...it feels a bit selfish when I know there are lots of animals that need loving homes out there but I am just going to draw that line in the sand.

So a year ago it felt like the end of the world and I never thought I would be done with the crying but life just goes on doesn't it? You keep just getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other.

I hope that wherever Louis and/or his spirit is, he knows I miss him, will always miss him.

Are YOU bored?

Happy 2011. And life is the same. I don't know why I thought that life would somehow be different in a new year.

(Duh, if you want to change you have to be the change right?)

I had a brief one-on-one with my manager tonight. And she tries so hard with me to keep me positive. I don't make it easy for her sometimes. Tonight I was moaning and groaning about that there is just so much shit happening all at once and I am overwhelmed. Between the stuff with the car/my financial irresponsibility, my boredom and frustrations with work, my physical self issues, my hate of winter and cold weather I'm not exactly the most charming company these days. (Not that I went into all of that with her...)

It's just all too much sometimes.

And it's all I can do sometimes to get out of bed in the morning. I'm toying with the idea of going back into therapy...

Blah.

And on top of all of that, I'm restless with my life. I find myself in a routine and while some routine and structure is good for me, I'm beginning to wonder if this is all there is. Is this is as good as it gets? (LOVE LOVE that movie!)

Again, I know, if I want to change it up, it's up to me but the thing is that I don't know what I want out of life outside of the basic need to work and the occasional get-together with friends and family.

Maybe I just need a life coach? Too bad they cost money. (Not that I don't think they deserve to get paid for what they do...) *sigh*

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Meh. Maybe it's just a case of the winter doldrums. I spent most of the night before last (after a low-key date w/B) and most of yesterday and last night watching "Firefly" and then after done w/all the ep's, watching "Serenity". I've seen them both before but just was in the mood for a little sci-fi w/a hint of western thrown in for good measure. Nothing like drowning yourself in a little TV to take your mind off your troubles.

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OK, that's enough of that tonight. Think I'll just go take a shower and try to crash out at a decent hour tonight.

Onward. One foot in front of the other.

Happy New Year

So and here it is again.

Last year on this day I was in Amsterdam having one of the greatest adventures of my life. At the time it was challenging but it sure has given me a great story to tell and it was good to step out of my little world...

On the heels of that trip, I wanted to have lots of adventures in 2010 and I certainly did, both good and not so good.

Do I want to review them and/or the past year or just move on and try to focus on this "fresh start" that we now have??? Nah, I think I'll skip the re-hash of the years events and just keep looking forward...

I think I've decided that every day I'm going to make some kind of resolution, even if it's just something like "stay positive" when feeling overwhelmed and see how that goes. No sense making those "grand gesture" resolutions that eventually you forget all about. I like how Gabbi put it in her blog...

"This year, I will resolve to just do the next right thing.

The next right thing. One at a time, one after another."

It's too much pressure otherwise. What I need to do is to focus on the steps I take, even if they're baby steps, that just keep me moving forward to wherever life will take me next.

It's time I also focus on the fact that I've got some amazing friends who have been showing what true friendship is all about and it's about time I gave them a shout out. I've got many people to thank for being a friend to me and being there for me but for tonight (and in the interest of this not being a post so long you nod off while reading :P) I'll just mention a couple of people...

Frankly, I had a crappy Christmas. Well, crappy in that I was working and there were several hundred canceled flights and therefore hundreds of unhappy callers. Then due to some lack of communication w/B, I didn't get to spend the evening with him after work.

I was at my wits end and hating the holiday(s) when Diane reached out to me and talked me off of what I'm calling "the edge." We actually spent over 2 hours on the phone and it felt like we were back being our boy-crazy, teen-aged selves while yet still being able to piss and moan about some of the downsides to being an adult. It is a really cool thing to have someone in your life that has known you for decades and "gets" you.

(I've said it before but I'm gonna say it again. I'm so happy we're re-establishing our friendship and while being incommunicado for several years wasn't great, it sure is giving us lots of new stories to tell to each other.)

And she is so...wise. I think she's always been wise but I've just never realized or appreciated it until now.

Then there is Ryan. Thanks to him and my new friend Kari (his new g/f) my New Year's Eve DIDN'T suck.

Have I mentioned how much I hate New Year's Eve? Not being able to be w/B and kissing him at midnight is hard. It's the holiday I feel the most alone on (next to Memorial Day, Labor Day and Independence Day) (Oh the choice I make. *Sigh*) (my wild idea of going to Amsterdam again wasn't a possibility due to the current financial state of affairs) I was starting to panic a bit about what I would be doing to get through the night. I was lucky that I had several options too! Diane, Michelle and even my parent's extended an invite to me, but I opted for going up to Duluth w/him and Kari to hang out with them and her friends that she's known forever. And Kari is awesome. She's what I'd call a straight-shooter. She doesn't seem to take any bullshit or seem afraid to speak her mind. And you can tell she really is listening to you. Awesome.

Anyhoo, where was I? Oh yeah...I'm quite proud of the fact that I chose to do something instead of sitting around home feeling sorry for myself again. (As you well know, I've excelled at that.)

We got there in time to relax and swim in the hotel pool before heading out for the evening. I love swimming. Wait, let me say that again...I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE swimming. When I'm in a pool, I'm weightless and free and get to be the ballerina I always wanted to be when I was a little girl.

We got dolled up and I even wore make-up (!!!) and we braved the crappy weather to have a good time out. It was a good evening and I'm also proud of the fact that I didn't get so inebriated as to be really sick today (just tired.)

Ryan is such a good friend at making me feel included and not expecting anything from me other than my company and friendship. I can totally be myself around him...every facet of me that I don't necessarily show off to others. (Granted, in general, I think I could rein some of my personality in ...I tend to be a bit outrageous and probably over-share more than I need to. While maybe it's cool to be such an open and honest person, I probably don't need to put it all out there do I? (But is that just me and something I shouldn't change??) We'll maybe talk about that at another time???)

I thought about having Jenn create another New Year's card for me to send out this year but never got around to with all the stuff going on the past couple of months. I will send some personalized emails instead.

Going forward now will be about meeting my financial obligations, figuring out where I'm moving to next and continuing to take the best care of myself that I can.

And I think I'll start with putting myself to bed at a decent hour tonight.

G'night.