Oh where to begin

When I initially took the job w/Northwest 3 years ago, I actually had secret (or maybe not so secret) dream of one day taking a flight to England and then not come back.

My desire to move over there was so strong I pared down my life and possessions to the bare minimum and then started telling others of my serious desire (and intention?) to move over there.

I think of this now because next week I'll be getting together with some people from the SPCO and some of those people were the ones I told about this grand plan of mine. Now I'll have to explain how it all went tits up. Well, maybe not so much as tits up, but majorly postponed.

I've even lately been starting to seriously think about the fact that maybe I'm going to stop wondering where on earth I should go and stay and settle and just do it here, in Minnesota. As long as I keep my loathsome job -for the perk of having opportunities to travel outside of MN -then why not just stay here and make a home for myself here somewhere?

My family and friends and the love of my life is here. But it scares the hell out of me to think about putting down roots. And doesn't that mean the end of my interesting, nomadic life?

And hell, why I'm at it, why not just say "Fuck it" to going back to school?

This is my life...work, hang with friends and the B man and taking the occasional trip and having a mini-adventure.

Is that enough? Why shouldn't it be enough? Is something really missing?



(Thank you John Mayer. Once again you've written a song that speaks for and to me. Now if only I could fully enjoy watching you perform. The way your mouth moves is slightly strange and not necessarily attractive to me. But I wouldn't complain if that mouth wanted to get near me...)

Of course this is all part of the now very quickly approaching birthday (less than a month away ...Ack!) and the feeling that I have to just MAKE A BLOODY DECISION about how I want my life to go already. I'm not content to just keep drifting along, just getting from point A to point B.

OK, so now I'm now just working toward a tizzy and that's no good for a beautiful day off.

So let's change the subject shall we?

Here is a perfect example of how insane (and insanely funny) my mother can be...

I finally got around to calling her yesterday because I had some time to kill before work for a change and as usual she doesn't even ask how I am or anything, just launches into a story she wants to tell me. Now granted, this a funny story and I truly enjoyed it and got a laugh out of it.

She met Pop in '76 on a trip to England and after she got back they started writing letters to each other, love letters. She went back in '77 and the letters continued. And then they started talking about marriage. She told me that she had written to him about her conversation with my brother and I about her getting married again. My brothers reaction was along the lines that he was OK with it but it would depend on the man. My reaction was to ask if she could marry Shaun Cassidy. !!!! Isn't that hilarious? Then the conversation turned to us moving to England and my brother asked why couldn't we move to California and after Mom asked him why CA, he said the girls were prettier! Now my brother was probably only about 10 at this time so my mom asked him when did he start thinking about that and he told her "about 2 months ago" ...again, hilarious!

It turns out that she is making some scrapbooks with these letters and photos (good for her...I actually can't wait to see them...and it'll give me a good excuse to get my butt over there and see their new apartment. The moved across the hall from where they'd been living back in March/April and I've yet to go see it...bad daughter!)

And now here's the flip coin of her and how they both are...well...you just decide for yourself.

As they're JW's, they don't even celebrate Mother's/Father's Day (we SHOULD show them our love and appreciation every frickin' day of the year!Well, yeah, but do we? Nope, so why not just "do the day" up?) and so usually I don't bother with a card or anything...but this year, I found some really great cards (Oh the one for my Pop was PERFECT...thanking him for treating me like princess and that I knew I could be a royal pain sometimes) and sent them, but after the actual holiday so it wouldn't be so ...blatant that it was for that reason. Apparently it was too close to the holiday for their comfort so yeah, they got them, but they THREW THEM AWAY!!!!

Oh well. I either play their game and send the damn things a month or so later or just not bother. Geez Louise.

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It's a beautiful day and I'm inside messing about on my computer. Typical of me. I suppose I ought to head downstairs and make some breakfast and have coffee. And maybe enjoy that coffee outside on the deck. Tonight is a B night and tomorrow night I should be hanging out with R.

It was a long long week but it ended with that it was FINALLY the end of my being on that damn "DML" at work. I went on it 18 months ago (due to attendance/punctuality) It was a Decision Making Leave day where I got a day off with pay to decide if I really wanted to continue my "career" with them. In deciding to stay, I had to NOT be absent or tardy for 18 months and I did it (for the most part...a tardy and an absence in March '09 didn't count against me thank goodness...at least as far as I know) and now that damn thing isn't hanging over my head.

Have I mentioned that there is a tiny glimmer of hope that I might actually qualify for Summit/Pinnacle this year? What's that you ask? Well the top 10 agents with the most sales/tickets sold per hour/percentage from each office go on an all-expenses paid trip (including the time off of work I believe) to some fabulous destination every year. This year it's at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. (I guess all that being at work, every day was a good thing after all) and I want it. But I'm not gonna kill myself for it or be who I'm not or do what I wouldn't normally do. I just hope I make it and if I don't, well, I still do a damn fine job.

Hmm, what else? Jenn and I are still trying to figure out what kind of and/or how my painting will be. I've opted against the pendant idea as it really is just too...vain. It's one thing to wear Louis around my neck and another to have a pendant of myself.

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I think I've mentioned how happy I am to have a computer again haven't I? While it was fun to step back into the 80's with the watching of actual broadcast TV, read book and write in a journal, I so so love having a computer. TV, my blog and my FB games.

I've managed to catch up on a few TV shows (the season finale of "Glee", etc.) and have so many more to look forward to ("Drop Dead Diva", etc.)

And now since I'm just casting about for things to write about, just so I can continue typing, I think that's a sign that I should stop and go get that breakfast and coffee.

So...until we meet again. Take care.

Really

I'm still here. Have just been in the "honeymoon" stage with my new computer.

As it's about 2:30am, let me just briefly reassure you that I will be back a bloggin' soon. (Have all sorts of things buzzin' around in my head and hopefully will soon have some motivation to take the time to put them down onto "paper")

Time to crash now.

Well good grief

I've FINALLY got my "fancy" new laptop (well fancy as you can get for under $500) and I sure hope it'll be worth the good 2/3 of my paycheck that it took to get it. I was beginning to doubt it for the first fucking 3 hours after I got home with it after work tonight. It's now almost 3:30am and I am tirrrrrrrrrrrrrrred. I've been getting used to living a computer free existence and in bed before 2am the last couple of weeks.

I don't want to be a slave to the machine again so I will just have to get back into the slightly less bad habit of NOT being up 'til all hours of the morning messin' around on this.

I am pleased to see some new design templates here...you know how I just love playing around w/how this looks.

Well. OK, so just a brief post tonight as there are a couple of other things I want to do before I crash.

Thank god I did eventually get this to work because I was about to cry. I've so missed this...typing, surfing and my FB games. Yup.

Until next time.

So how much can I say in less than 5 minutes?

Yesterday, Thursday, my "Sunday" was a pretty good day. Had breakfast w/my sweetie, then I was actually up, about and out enjoying the beautiful day. Treated myself to a mani/pedi (my first but not my last!!!) then treated myself to "Sex and the City 2".

The movie was outrageous, funny and just over the top. But those are some of the things I loved about the series so it was nice to "see" the girls again.

It turns out that NOT having a computer right now is NOT the worst thing in the world. I'm rediscovering watching TV on the actual TV and writing down my thoughts in an actual journal. I'm catching up on my reading and I FINALLY did all that laundry that I've been meaning to do for the past couple of weeks.

Oh sure, I'll get a computer again ...think I've decided to just save up for a new one...well, that's what I'm thinking for today. It could change.

And now I must go, more fun to had tonight after work w/R.

ttfn.

Sad Sam

My computer is dead. Dead, dead, dead.

I'm writing this from work. Thank goodness for internet access here BUT no access to Facebook and I'm beyond bummed I have no access to it. I'll have to head to the library on my days off and hope it doesn't take me all fucking day to get on (with school out there is bound to be more competition for the few internet computers they have) and that I can get everything done that I need to do in the hour we're allotted.

It started w/the wireless connection "acting" up last week and then day before last, it wouldn't even boot up.

I finally broke down today and stopped at Best Buy and talked to the Geek Squad desk and THEY say that it's probably the hard drive that needs replacing since it won't even boot up in "safe mode"...with all the costs associated w/that for them to do it I'm looking at about $250. So the guy recommended just looking at spending around $70 more than that and getting a new one since my "baby" was already about 5/6 years old.

So I spent a wee bit too much time here at work today looking at laptops and if I want one w/a CD Burner, guess what? I'd be looking at easily another $150+ above the $250 to get a new one. I could get a netbook for around $250 and while they're awfully cute, I think too "lightweight" and temporary for what I want.

A co-worker, who claims to know his stuff, says he'll tell me what hard drive to buy, and then after I buy it, he'll install it for me. Ha! We'll see if THAT actually would happen. (It doesn't help he's going out of town for 5 days tomorrow!)

Either way, nothing can happen 'til Friday when I get paid again. Maybe I should look into renting one for a little while? Hmmm.

Thank goodness I've got some new books from the library because having no computer at night when I get home from work is not pretty. I've already started and finished w/the latest Dresden wizard novel by Jim Butcher and am currently 1/2 way through Kim Harrison's latest. And with my days off coming up and no computer to distract me, I just may be forced to finally do laundry and clean my room. I've really been slacking off with getting shit done. So this will hopefully turn out to be a productive time for me.

You don't realize how much you miss something til it's gone do you? How much you take for granted the things you count on daily.

Anyhoo...so there's the latest drama from my little universe.

Aaaaack!

And now finally, all about PDX

I know it's now been a week since my Portland, Oregon adventure but it was a really long, distracting, wearying week and I will put it off no longer!

I think I had all these big ideas of how it would go, but in the end it was just a brief but effective trip.

I was really worried about getting on the flight I wanted but did. Then we found each other easily enough at the airport. The trip into the city was short and then there we were. I was able to check into my room-at-the-Marriott-paid-for-with-skymiles!!! and get my room right away.

I was in a bit of a daze and tired but determined to "go with the flow" and see where the day took me, took us.

It was raining but armed with an umbrella from the hotel, we walked through parts of downtown from the hotel to their apartment and that about killed me physically (but by god I did it!) Thankfully we made a couple of stops along the way, the first being a stop at the famous Powell's Bookstore (The largest bookstore in the world) where I got myself a little "souvenir", in the form of a new leather bound journal which I'll use during my travels around the globe (much easier to travel with than a laptop). We didn't spend a lot of time there because we were on a mission to make our way to their place to get the pictures taken for the mini-portrait.

(I'll have to be sure to go back and really experience that city for more than a day. Really spend some time there. The vibe there really is relaxed and Jenn had mentioned that it was a really laid back, casual kind of place. I can dig that.)

Then the other stop, for me to get some coffee (I do love me some Iced Mocha's this time of year!) at a place called the daily cafe and a bit more conversation about what the plan was...to take the photos and then go hang at one of their favorite hangout's...a place called Yur's.

They have a really cute apartment and I love her dog Riley. He was a cuddler once he got used to me. I felt a little disloyal to the current cuddly dog in my life but I've got enough love for both.

We talked a bit more and then finally it was time to take pictures. I had changed my mind about wearing something special so just had her take pics of me in a tank top and leggings. She sent me one of the ones that she found "delightful"... we're gonna stick with a mini-portrait of my body shape...

Then when the rain stopped we walked over to this great little neighborhood bar called Yurs. We had some drinks and I had the best burger EVER. It was the "Grinder Burger – Bacon, Ham, cheddar and a fried egg." I will fly my big beautiful ass in a too small of an airplane seat, in the back of the plane, with 5 crying infants again to have this burger again. Yup. Just thinking about it is making my mouth water.

After being stuffed on good food, it was a nice quick little ride on a streetcar back downtown and back to the hotel.

I guess I could have mustered up some energy to do something else, hit up another bar or something (I had a little money left thanks to the $20 B gave me the night before AND that they bought my drinks...) but honestly I was exhausted. So I just took a shower and just enjoyed some channel surfing from a very very comfortable bed. The next morning I just ate breakfast at the hotel (nothing special sad to say) and then it was back to the airport for me.

So in and out in 24 hours. Jenn gave me another really cool thing to remember the trip by...as we were getting closer to their apartment, the day before, she pointed out that rosemary grows wild everywhere and I mentioned my recent renewed interest in it having recently made a chicken salad using that and some tarragon, so when I got in the cab for my trip back to the airport, she had some tied up in string in a plastic bag for me. I was absolutely floored and touched that she did that. It's currently hanging up here in my room and it's probably dry now. I'd like to make sachets out of it or something.

I'm glad I went even if it was just a quick trip and left me exhausted. (Yes, that is enough to make me want to get in better shape physically ...) I think I had huge expectations and none at the same time. I guess I should try to explain what I mean by that but it's almost 2am. So maybe I'll just leave the full explanation out like I usually do. :P

She's going to draw some sketches up and email them to me and we'll see how this is gonna go.

I enjoyed getting to know her a bit better and am glad I decided to do this.

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So now it's the weekend and while it started off bumpy (no wireless connection!!!!) earlier today, so far, so so. I've got laundry starting me in the face and a full evening tomorrow...another dr. appt. to deal with some other issues that have come up (no need to share the details, suffice it to say just a couple of things that I will choose NOT to live with for a change) and then supposedly meeting up w/B. He's been out of town again himself the past week and when he gets back there are usually fires to put out...

I'm excited because finally the Sex and the City 2 movie is finally out tomorrow...I'll have to put the word out with my friends and see who wants to go see it with me.

OK, well, I am too tired to continue this post so I'll just close it here. I'm sure I'll have more to say another day.

So ciao for now.

I really really really really like how this guy...works

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Work with your own impulses rather than against them. If you know you're a little on the lazy side (as most Leos are), or a bit vain (also frequently a Leo trait), use those tendencies to your own advantage. Laziness can lead to efficiency and intelligent redesign. Vanity can be a motivation too—to work hard enough to be able to afford nice clothes, or simply a kick in the butt to keep going to the gym. When the wind is blowing in the wrong direction, a skilled sailor can angle the sails to get where she wants to go. You can too. Harness the forces already at work within you to take you in whatever direction you choose.