I know I haven't posted anything for months but it was the worst fall of my life.
The biggest blow being the loss of my mother.
But nope, not ready to write about that yet.
Soon. I think.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Randomness. Synchronicity. Coincidence. Fate.
So how did you like that? Have to be willing to acknowledge that you were an adult before getting here?
I don't think I'll keep it.
(11/26/2015 I have no idea wtf I was talking about above.)
Anyway. Sunday...day whatever of recovery from the surgery.
The surgery has turned into quite the life changing experience.
And while I'm sitting around doing...nothing, I'm worrying about my friends who have such full fucking plates and are barely hanging on. How do they do it?
"If you want something done, give it to a busy person"
"Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger"
I have visions of learning how to mow lawns and do small repairs and maintenance. If I learn how to do those things, I could contribute something of value. As I get my shit together, financially and otherwise...I want to be someone that is counted on.
And I want to become more comfortable with children....of all ages so I can share those parts of life with my friends...all of them....
But yet not let die...the part of my life that is single and childless.
Physically I'm on...pause (?), but mentally?? Whoa!
And typing this is not very fun because I can't get comfortable enough to type without a lot of discomfort that's not doing me or my butt or my back any good.
I don't think I'll keep it.
(11/26/2015 I have no idea wtf I was talking about above.)
Anyway. Sunday...day whatever of recovery from the surgery.
The surgery has turned into quite the life changing experience.
And while I'm sitting around doing...nothing, I'm worrying about my friends who have such full fucking plates and are barely hanging on. How do they do it?
"If you want something done, give it to a busy person"
"Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger"
I have visions of learning how to mow lawns and do small repairs and maintenance. If I learn how to do those things, I could contribute something of value. As I get my shit together, financially and otherwise...I want to be someone that is counted on.
And I want to become more comfortable with children....of all ages so I can share those parts of life with my friends...all of them....
But yet not let die...the part of my life that is single and childless.
Physically I'm on...pause (?), but mentally?? Whoa!
And typing this is not very fun because I can't get comfortable enough to type without a lot of discomfort that's not doing me or my butt or my back any good.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
so THAT happened (and it might be TMI but I have to document this experiece.)
Had a fucking awesome birthday (even though B fucked up this year.)
Then it all went to shit.
Day after birthday - Saturday...it started to be really uncomfortable when sitting down.
Sunday...getting worse.
Monday - B took me to Dr...[external] yeast infection? On my butt? WTF? OK, Yay...NOT. Then he took me to the pharmacy (Fine, I'll take the damn pill and use the creams) and back home. (Made up for not having anything waiting for me from B when I got home on my birthday??? Mostly.)
Tuesday - still fucking miserable and then more fun started...I couldn't goddamn pee without...straining is the best word I have for it.
Wednesday - back to Dr. office. J took me (best big brother ever, again.) and hello red ass. Different Dr. (Not resident, real Dr.) says...whoa! Fever over a 102 and area really hard and red. She sent me to hospital.
Hospital
Nurses ...PCA's ...most are angels. The experience is ...humbling. I had to set aside pride BIG time. The word dignity was thought of a lot during this whole hospital experience.
...later that night...Ultrasound. Yes, pretty sure...abscess.
Thursday - Surgery. On my ass. Surreal experience...being "put under" and then waking up and going...WTF? Hole (aka the Wound) in ass deep enough to hold a golf ball (was told that by one of the nurses.)
(Um, Thursday or Friday, I'm sorry I can't remember!) R, K & E came for visit. That was totally awesome. I love them so much!!!
Saturday - Sent home even though still couldn't pee.
Sunday - N (another angel and I'll talk more about her later) came over and changed the bandage for me!)
and later that night...one too many times straining to pee...EXPLOSION of discharge (blood and infection (it has a form?)) ...back to ER (thanks again J!) and again a fever. They got me on a bed to wait on pretty quick after seeing how much I was leaking!) and then oh that fun ER visit ...
This was a whole 'nother experience.
So now...another 3 days of IV's ...but this time around heavy doses of antibiotics, blood pressure checks, bandage changes ...again with a bunch of angels (nurses and PCA's). Another 3 days of asking relative strangers to help me wipe after using the toilet and help me shower. But oh those massages. Her name was Missy. And I got a 45 minute massage 3 days in a row!!!! I truly believe that contributed greatly to the healing that was finally starting.
No visitors this time around. But that was mostly for the best because even though I managed 2 showers, I was feeling ...gross.
Wednesday - home again. Home sweet home. This time around...just keeping wound "bandaged" ....hello surgical pants and Depends!
and it's now like 3 1/2 weeks later and I went to work yesterday (Friday) for the first time in 5 weeks. It was only a 1/2 day but it was enough.
Thankfully Monday is Labor Day and that means a paid day off and slightly shorter work week.
And now, here I am, with a long weekend where I will continue to take it easy and take painkillers and some more antibiotics.
Do I want to talk about the fact that I've only seen B once during this whole ordeal? Do I want to talk about the fact that 4 1/2 of those weeks were unpaid and now I'm fucked financially again? Do I want to talk about how bored I've been being stuck at home, missing out on pedicures, hair appointments, wedding showers and a date with R, K & E? Do I want to talk about how dirty my apartment has gotten?
Not really.
Instead, I'll just have to express so much gratitude for the love, friendship and support I was shown by family, bosses and co-workers and friends.
Especially N. She's been so fucking awesome. Changing a bandage for me when I needed it (and for being willing to do it again if necessary); checking the Wound when I was nervous about it (I did mention she's a former nurse right?) because I can't really see it; bringing me smoothies, food/groceries, cards and money (from a collection they took up at work.) and spending time with me. Her visits and having company kept me from going insane. And all of that while she's got already so much shit going on in her life outside of working full-time and raising 3 girls.
I've really got so much to be grateful for. In no certain order:
Then it all went to shit.
Day after birthday - Saturday...it started to be really uncomfortable when sitting down.
Sunday...getting worse.
Monday - B took me to Dr...[external] yeast infection? On my butt? WTF? OK, Yay...NOT. Then he took me to the pharmacy (Fine, I'll take the damn pill and use the creams) and back home. (Made up for not having anything waiting for me from B when I got home on my birthday??? Mostly.)
Tuesday - still fucking miserable and then more fun started...I couldn't goddamn pee without...straining is the best word I have for it.
Wednesday - back to Dr. office. J took me (best big brother ever, again.) and hello red ass. Different Dr. (Not resident, real Dr.) says...whoa! Fever over a 102 and area really hard and red. She sent me to hospital.
Hospital
Nurses ...PCA's ...most are angels. The experience is ...humbling. I had to set aside pride BIG time. The word dignity was thought of a lot during this whole hospital experience.
...later that night...Ultrasound. Yes, pretty sure...abscess.
Thursday - Surgery. On my ass. Surreal experience...being "put under" and then waking up and going...WTF? Hole (aka the Wound) in ass deep enough to hold a golf ball (was told that by one of the nurses.)
(Um, Thursday or Friday, I'm sorry I can't remember!) R, K & E came for visit. That was totally awesome. I love them so much!!!
Saturday - Sent home even though still couldn't pee.
Sunday - N (another angel and I'll talk more about her later) came over and changed the bandage for me!)
and later that night...one too many times straining to pee...EXPLOSION of discharge (blood and infection (it has a form?)) ...back to ER (thanks again J!) and again a fever. They got me on a bed to wait on pretty quick after seeing how much I was leaking!) and then oh that fun ER visit ...
This was a whole 'nother experience.
- I could finally pee without straining,
- Dr. who came over from my clinic was told "you have the most beautiful eyes" (and she did, OMG did she ever!)
- Massage. Would I like a massage during this next hospital stay? Are you fucking kidding me? Yes please.
So now...another 3 days of IV's ...but this time around heavy doses of antibiotics, blood pressure checks, bandage changes ...again with a bunch of angels (nurses and PCA's). Another 3 days of asking relative strangers to help me wipe after using the toilet and help me shower. But oh those massages. Her name was Missy. And I got a 45 minute massage 3 days in a row!!!! I truly believe that contributed greatly to the healing that was finally starting.
No visitors this time around. But that was mostly for the best because even though I managed 2 showers, I was feeling ...gross.
Wednesday - home again. Home sweet home. This time around...just keeping wound "bandaged" ....hello surgical pants and Depends!
and it's now like 3 1/2 weeks later and I went to work yesterday (Friday) for the first time in 5 weeks. It was only a 1/2 day but it was enough.
Thankfully Monday is Labor Day and that means a paid day off and slightly shorter work week.
And now, here I am, with a long weekend where I will continue to take it easy and take painkillers and some more antibiotics.
Do I want to talk about the fact that I've only seen B once during this whole ordeal? Do I want to talk about the fact that 4 1/2 of those weeks were unpaid and now I'm fucked financially again? Do I want to talk about how bored I've been being stuck at home, missing out on pedicures, hair appointments, wedding showers and a date with R, K & E? Do I want to talk about how dirty my apartment has gotten?
Not really.
Instead, I'll just have to express so much gratitude for the love, friendship and support I was shown by family, bosses and co-workers and friends.
Especially N. She's been so fucking awesome. Changing a bandage for me when I needed it (and for being willing to do it again if necessary); checking the Wound when I was nervous about it (I did mention she's a former nurse right?) because I can't really see it; bringing me smoothies, food/groceries, cards and money (from a collection they took up at work.) and spending time with me. Her visits and having company kept me from going insane. And all of that while she's got already so much shit going on in her life outside of working full-time and raising 3 girls.
I've really got so much to be grateful for. In no certain order:
- Netflix/Hulu Plus. I've now binge watched "Melissa and Joey" (3 seasons!) and "Arrow" (2 seasons) plus a shitload of episodes of "Chopped". Plus a shitload of movies, most of which I've seen before.
- My brother and his willingness to take me to Dr. appointments without complaint.
- That I still have a job.
- For a source for "happy"
- For my new phone and my kindle. Spending time in bed not so fun w/out something to do.
- For being at a lesser weight than before...even if it hasn't lasted.
- Coborn's Delivers. 'Nuff said.
Is it THAT time again?
Hmm. Interesting lyrics I'm paying attention to right now.
Release You - Johnny Hates Jazz
Losing the fight, closing my eyes
I’d run out of luck and I’d run out of time
The beat of my heart was fading away
The last thing I saw was your beautiful face
You and I, we can’t deny
That we’re still holding on
To everything we thought was yet to be
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
Everyday I watch as you grieve
I know that I must but I don’t want to leave
I call out your name, you stop and you stare
There are only the trees but you know that I’m there
In this dream, the in-between
I wish that I could hold you
But I am just a presence in the wind
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
Through the mist you blow a kiss
And then you walk away
And finally I know that I am free
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
How do you know when it is time to let something...someone go?
Release You - Johnny Hates Jazz
Losing the fight, closing my eyes
I’d run out of luck and I’d run out of time
The beat of my heart was fading away
The last thing I saw was your beautiful face
You and I, we can’t deny
That we’re still holding on
To everything we thought was yet to be
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
Everyday I watch as you grieve
I know that I must but I don’t want to leave
I call out your name, you stop and you stare
There are only the trees but you know that I’m there
In this dream, the in-between
I wish that I could hold you
But I am just a presence in the wind
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
Through the mist you blow a kiss
And then you walk away
And finally I know that I am free
So I release you, yes I
I've made my peace with you now
It is time to say farewell
Deep inside you know
You've got to let me go
Though I love you with all my might
I must go towards the light
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
How do you know when it is time to let something...someone go?
Friday, July 25, 2014
Happy Birthday to Me (Part I?)
It's 3:30am and I should be asleep...I got up about a 1/2 hour ago to "do my business" and couldn't go back to sleep right away so I decided to check my phone...email, texts and FB...looking for the birthday wishes I know are waiting for me (none, none and 7, so far!) and one of the 7 FB birthday wishes was from my uncle Cliffy (he'll always be Cliffy to me, not Cliff)...
What? You say? Your uncle Cliff(y)? You've never mentioned him before. (Well there are a few family member I haven't mentioned but I digress)...
Anyway, as I wrote in my FB message to him (after "Friend request" sent) there is nothing like something really sad happening to re-connect with family. I got a call last Saturday from my brother informing me that my uncle Clinton had passed away.
Now this is perfect description of the whole "threw the baby out with the bathwater" thing...
Many many years ago...decades in fact...my grandfather -the asshole sperm donors father -started to criticize my mothers parenting/character and I wasn't going to stand for it...at the ripe young age of 12 or so, I decided to stop spending time or even talk to my grandparents. In fact I stopped talking to EVERYONE on that side of the family.
My mother may not win any mother of the year awards for the kind of mother she was when I was growing up, but she is MY mother and nobody criticizes her!
I walked away and didn't look back. I buried all of the good memories...spending time at their house with my brother on holidays and during the summer, watching soaps, eating good food, getting presents at Christmas and on my birthday, having a crush on my uncle Cliffy (he was a teenager and the "cutest boy I'd ever seen") and playing with my grandmas dogs, Peppy and Poochie.
I cut them ALL out of my life. The aunts, uncles and cousins from THAT side of the family all because of the only 2 rotten ones in the bunch. Wait, now that I think about it, there may have still been a tiny bit of contact with Clinton but the details are fuzzy at the moment.
My mothers side of the family became even more important because their rottenness was hidden and not directed at my mother and on the surface all was wonderful...wait, not gonna necessarily gonna go there at this time, this is not about them...
Anyhoo....fast forward 20? or so years....my grandpa on THAT side of the family passed away and while I sent my grandma a sympathy card, I didn't go to his funeral or service.
And now here we are and all I can taste is regret that I didn't have a chance to know my uncle Clinton as an adult. I remember him being nice. He was a good guy. And my uncle Cliff? He posted a very nice birthday message on my FB page. Apparently HE'S not holding any grudge (I'm also assuming this since he accepted my friend request) and seems to be still the nice guy I remember him to be too.
So I've already decided I'm going to go the service for him. It's next week and I'm sure it's going to be a very very very emotional night. While it's not about me...it's about celebrating his life...it IS about me letting go of old hurts and embracing family I haven't seen or talked to in years.
*sigh*
OK...now that I've gotten this stuff all down, I think I should try to go back to sleep now. I've got to be up in 4 1/2 hours and get my butt into work. And today will be a FUCKING great day. My co-workers have also already been showing me the birthday love and there will be lots more today. And then tonight...spending time with my BFF's. R, K & E along with N...who yes, has become a BFF.
So woo hoo...hello 44!
What? You say? Your uncle Cliff(y)? You've never mentioned him before. (Well there are a few family member I haven't mentioned but I digress)...
Anyway, as I wrote in my FB message to him (after "Friend request" sent) there is nothing like something really sad happening to re-connect with family. I got a call last Saturday from my brother informing me that my uncle Clinton had passed away.
Now this is perfect description of the whole "threw the baby out with the bathwater" thing...
Many many years ago...decades in fact...my grandfather -the asshole sperm donors father -started to criticize my mothers parenting/character and I wasn't going to stand for it...at the ripe young age of 12 or so, I decided to stop spending time or even talk to my grandparents. In fact I stopped talking to EVERYONE on that side of the family.
My mother may not win any mother of the year awards for the kind of mother she was when I was growing up, but she is MY mother and nobody criticizes her!
I walked away and didn't look back. I buried all of the good memories...spending time at their house with my brother on holidays and during the summer, watching soaps, eating good food, getting presents at Christmas and on my birthday, having a crush on my uncle Cliffy (he was a teenager and the "cutest boy I'd ever seen") and playing with my grandmas dogs, Peppy and Poochie.
I cut them ALL out of my life. The aunts, uncles and cousins from THAT side of the family all because of the only 2 rotten ones in the bunch. Wait, now that I think about it, there may have still been a tiny bit of contact with Clinton but the details are fuzzy at the moment.
My mothers side of the family became even more important because their rottenness was hidden and not directed at my mother and on the surface all was wonderful...wait, not gonna necessarily gonna go there at this time, this is not about them...
Anyhoo....fast forward 20? or so years....my grandpa on THAT side of the family passed away and while I sent my grandma a sympathy card, I didn't go to his funeral or service.
And now here we are and all I can taste is regret that I didn't have a chance to know my uncle Clinton as an adult. I remember him being nice. He was a good guy. And my uncle Cliff? He posted a very nice birthday message on my FB page. Apparently HE'S not holding any grudge (I'm also assuming this since he accepted my friend request) and seems to be still the nice guy I remember him to be too.
So I've already decided I'm going to go the service for him. It's next week and I'm sure it's going to be a very very very emotional night. While it's not about me...it's about celebrating his life...it IS about me letting go of old hurts and embracing family I haven't seen or talked to in years.
*sigh*
OK...now that I've gotten this stuff all down, I think I should try to go back to sleep now. I've got to be up in 4 1/2 hours and get my butt into work. And today will be a FUCKING great day. My co-workers have also already been showing me the birthday love and there will be lots more today. And then tonight...spending time with my BFF's. R, K & E along with N...who yes, has become a BFF.
So woo hoo...hello 44!
Friday, July 18, 2014
And now 44 is on the horizon.
I don't even know where to begin.
Maybe I've forgotten that I like to write...but only when I feel like I've got something ...significant to say.
...the above 2 sentences were written a couple of days ago and now I'm back...with something to say.
I'm making new friends (and it's kind of scary too.)
Not only are N and I becoming closer friends and hearing more of each others stories, but in the space of 12 hours or so, I've made some friends...women who are living in Amsterdam! My favorite place to visit (these days anyway.)
This is the message I sent to them on the "book of the face" as they like to call it...
So I swear I'm not a crazy person...just a ...fan and fellow blogger (well, you know how that goes....) and this might sound kind of crazy but when I take my next trip to Amsterdam, I'd love to meet you ...buy you guys a drink or something.
My name is "Sam". I'm 44 (well, hell, close enough right?) and live here in the States, in St. Paul, MN. I am an avid food watcher...meaning, I don't cook or bake but I LOVE food...especially watching others cook. Now, wait, not that I'm wanting to watch the next cupcake being made but ...I was watching an episode of Chopped, which led to a Google search "how do chefs prepare for chopped" which led to "I survived 3 rounds on Chopped" which written by Allison Robicelli...which led to the cookbook [Robicelli's: A Love Story, with Cupcake: with 50 Decidedly Grown-Up Recipes by Allison and Matt Robicelli] which led me to you from the review you posted on Amazon.com
So here I am, reading posts on the Sleazy Bakeshop [blog] and am loving it, swear words and all. And I adore Amsterdam. I won't lie, I come for more than just the friendly people, beautiful architecture...the canals! I come for the coffeshops. I would hope that wouldn't be a deal breaker should you decide you'd be OK with meeting this random stranger from across the pond.
Anyway, lovin' the blog so far. I just got done with the 2nd cupcake and I'm going to be reading into the wee hours ...and I just got the cookbook for my kindle so will be reading that too...it sounds like a hoot and maybe, just maybe, I will dip my toe into actually wanting to cook my own food for a change (though my kitchen is seriously tiny and I have zero counter space -the spot where my coffee maker [sits] doesn't count) ....So, thanks for reading and I hope we can meet someday.
and
Hello again....uh, I forgot to mention I work for Delta aka easy access to Amsterdam (Love our non-stop between there and here in MSP.)
When I woke up this morning I had this reply waiting for me -
We also may ask you to bring over various contraband. Kosha salt and the such. You know serious stuff.
How freakin' awesome is that?
And so then I sent this reply ('cause why not just post the full exchange? :P )
And they're hilarious. And they're ...real women. And they live ...near Amsterdam. And they speak English. And did I mention they're hilarious? And I love that they swear. And I love that Li uses the word "tits" as an ...adverb? Verb? Fuck, I don't know. I've never been good with grammar. Anyhoo. They just seem very cool and it's about time I expanded my circle of ...cool people.
So as another birthday approaches, it's time again to take stock of my life and get outside of my little "bubble" of home, work, home, work, home, work and the occasional get together with the 'rents, the favorite marrieds-with-child and the love of my life, B.
I've got loads to be thankful for, as usual and a lot of great people in my life.
And I just need to keep putting one damn foot in front of the other.
Maybe I've forgotten that I like to write...but only when I feel like I've got something ...significant to say.
...the above 2 sentences were written a couple of days ago and now I'm back...with something to say.
I'm making new friends (and it's kind of scary too.)
Not only are N and I becoming closer friends and hearing more of each others stories, but in the space of 12 hours or so, I've made some friends...women who are living in Amsterdam! My favorite place to visit (these days anyway.)
This is the message I sent to them on the "book of the face" as they like to call it...
So I swear I'm not a crazy person...just a ...fan and fellow blogger (well, you know how that goes....) and this might sound kind of crazy but when I take my next trip to Amsterdam, I'd love to meet you ...buy you guys a drink or something.
My name is "Sam". I'm 44 (well, hell, close enough right?) and live here in the States, in St. Paul, MN. I am an avid food watcher...meaning, I don't cook or bake but I LOVE food...especially watching others cook. Now, wait, not that I'm wanting to watch the next cupcake being made but ...I was watching an episode of Chopped, which led to a Google search "how do chefs prepare for chopped" which led to "I survived 3 rounds on Chopped" which written by Allison Robicelli...which led to the cookbook [Robicelli's: A Love Story, with Cupcake: with 50 Decidedly Grown-Up Recipes by Allison and Matt Robicelli] which led me to you from the review you posted on Amazon.com
So here I am, reading posts on the Sleazy Bakeshop [blog] and am loving it, swear words and all. And I adore Amsterdam. I won't lie, I come for more than just the friendly people, beautiful architecture...the canals! I come for the coffeshops. I would hope that wouldn't be a deal breaker should you decide you'd be OK with meeting this random stranger from across the pond.
Anyway, lovin' the blog so far. I just got done with the 2nd cupcake and I'm going to be reading into the wee hours ...and I just got the cookbook for my kindle so will be reading that too...it sounds like a hoot and maybe, just maybe, I will dip my toe into actually wanting to cook my own food for a change (though my kitchen is seriously tiny and I have zero counter space -the spot where my coffee maker [sits] doesn't count) ....So, thanks for reading and I hope we can meet someday.
and
Hello again....uh, I forgot to mention I work for Delta aka easy access to Amsterdam (Love our non-stop between there and here in MSP.)
When I woke up this morning I had this reply waiting for me -
Awwww deal breaker ? That is cute. (This is Zoe Btw) I am married to stoney McStonestone of the clan McStone, so fear not, no deal breaker. The only thing would make us hate you is it you is if you hated puppies. You know who fight like puppies? Hitler, Hitler didn't like puppies. We would love to meet you and you can come hang out with us and bake. Make sure you bring a spare liver. We are hoping to get things back on track in September. Yay, a fan! Li is gonna lose her sky
Shit
We also may ask you to bring over various contraband. Kosha salt and the such. You know serious stuff.
How freakin' awesome is that?
And so then I sent this reply ('cause why not just post the full exchange? :P )
- Yay! Hi Zoe. So happy to get message back! I kept reading after I sent that message last night and have now read everything SB blog-wise and Book of the Face anyway and am even more in love with you guys than I was when I started. And whew! Love that your husband and I have the love of the herb in common and it's not a deal breaker. I like booze too but once I met ganja in my early to mid 20's...well that changed EVERYTHING for the better. : ) As for bringing you stuff...I can totally do that! I have vacation time again at end of September but I am NOT opposed to coming over on a weekend...that's the joy of working for an airline. Though summer, Europe...not have as good a chance to get seat on flight so waiting until the fall is the smarter idea...in the meantime...I'll read that book, keep up with y'all via FB and enjoy getting to know some fabulous women who live in my favorite country (well outside of England anyway...I was lucky enough to live there for a couple of years as a kid after my mum married herself a Scotsman who was living in London when she met him) (And how's that for telling you more about me without you asking? : P ) How did you and/or Li find yourselves married and deciding that Amsterdam was where you were going to be living? If that's not too personal of a question to ask?
- Oh and I LOVE puppies.
Her reply back even more hilarious...
I will give you answers to all questions and perhapss more later, am vacation now. And am smoking a bifta with my dad. Yes that's how we roll in our family. All stoners in our family. And we actually live in Den Haag. (the Hague) far more civilised. Down the road from Schiphol. Speak soon, I feel we will be besties.
Even before she mentioned where they live, the Hague, I'd read that in their blog and decided to read about it.
- I just got done reading the Wikipedia page about Den Haag. So now won't be complete ignoramus in that regard. Yay to stoners! Enjoy your vacay and no worries about when get back to me. I'll be here.
And they're hilarious. And they're ...real women. And they live ...near Amsterdam. And they speak English. And did I mention they're hilarious? And I love that they swear. And I love that Li uses the word "tits" as an ...adverb? Verb? Fuck, I don't know. I've never been good with grammar. Anyhoo. They just seem very cool and it's about time I expanded my circle of ...cool people.
So as another birthday approaches, it's time again to take stock of my life and get outside of my little "bubble" of home, work, home, work, home, work and the occasional get together with the 'rents, the favorite marrieds-with-child and the love of my life, B.
I've got loads to be thankful for, as usual and a lot of great people in my life.
And I just need to keep putting one damn foot in front of the other.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Things I'm Thankful For.
B.
My parents.
My friends...new friends, N and old friends R & K & S and...
My ipod. (I actually wanted to start with the ipod but it would seem shallow if I started with ...My ipod. :P)
It's a lazy Saturday afternoon and I just got back from haircut #? from Marne next door. I think I finally found that "hair that works" ...looks good down, easy to maintain/do and embraces the natural wave thing I've got goin' on.
I've got to start thinking about doing some laundry soon. And I think I'm going to go through my drawers and closests...if I haven't worn it in a year, it's gone.
I've got to have ...less to take care of, stuff-wise.
While I have decided to stick around in this apartment, I need to maximize its space.
I've now been here for almost a year and am learning more and more ways to "live" in this little space. Little space is fine for just me but only when it's tidy and organized.
So maybe that's what I'll do this afternoon, I'll just see where the whims of tidying and cleaning take me.
So guess what?
Chicken butt.
No, seriously...
N and I are really becoming friends. We hung out for a bit after work last night and it was fun having someone to share stories with.
I listened to her talking about being a parent and it's good for me to learn more about what that's like.
Some VERT important to me people are parents.
And they're still who they were before they became parents but now they just have an extra ...layer to their personalities. I can't imagine being responsible for someone else and it makes me sad that I am afraid I'm not capable of being responsible for someone else. Well, let's maybe not go there.
Besides, I practice a bit with Starr.
And I'll be Starr and house-sitting again next month. She's so easy to take care of. Sweet, good-natured, obedient and lovable. I wonder if humans can be raised that way? Kidding.
But seriously, I'm going to be spending time with children and I want to...contribute to them growing up being respectful, loving, kind, charming, funny and honest human beings. The kind of person other people want to spend time with. The kind of person who is happy with themselves and is confident in the world around them.
And I'm looking how actions speaking louder than words. (N was openly admitting that "do as I say, not as I do" was something she had said about herself and her parenting style.)
Another thing that I think is cool is that I"m getting to see different stages of childhood and how that's going.
R & K w/E. He's a little over 6 months old and still dependent on them for food, changing, comforting and loving. Just starting to sit up and sit in a chair and eat baby food.
B - A. not a todler anymore but a young child, learning how to spell. and do math. And tie her own shoes. And pick out her own clothes. Who still thinks her daddy is the best person in the world. (I agree.)
N - w/3 girls. 14 being the oldest. 14. Yikes. A teenager. Helping take care of her younger sisters. About to go into high school. Dreaming of being a pilot. And a younger daughter who wanted to help others and volunteer at a food bank for her birthday.
How cool is all of that???
And all of these responsible, great people are my friends.
I will watch and listen and appreciate.
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
N and are going to start carpooling next week and we've decided that we're going to do the gym thing before work this time around.
For a week and half now we've been skipping the gym but not without expressing our guilt about not going and justifying it by eating "better" in having salads and such.
So, back to the routine but altered. It really is a good idea because then we can still have lunch and just talk with limited distractions.
I've mentioned that her and I are becoming real friends right? And yesterday, twice, randomly/out of the blue, she just expressed her gratitude for my great friendship (uh, words to that effect) and both times I was like "what the hell?..where did THAT come from? Thank you" (I think I said thank you)when I should have just said "thank you.". It's just that it's been so long since someone said that to me.
I'm not complaining...it just that I think it's usually me saying that to someone about them/their friendship.
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
My parents.
My friends...new friends, N and old friends R & K & S and...
My ipod. (I actually wanted to start with the ipod but it would seem shallow if I started with ...My ipod. :P)
It's a lazy Saturday afternoon and I just got back from haircut #? from Marne next door. I think I finally found that "hair that works" ...looks good down, easy to maintain/do and embraces the natural wave thing I've got goin' on.
I've got to start thinking about doing some laundry soon. And I think I'm going to go through my drawers and closests...if I haven't worn it in a year, it's gone.
I've got to have ...less to take care of, stuff-wise.
While I have decided to stick around in this apartment, I need to maximize its space.
I've now been here for almost a year and am learning more and more ways to "live" in this little space. Little space is fine for just me but only when it's tidy and organized.
So maybe that's what I'll do this afternoon, I'll just see where the whims of tidying and cleaning take me.
So guess what?
Chicken butt.
No, seriously...
N and I are really becoming friends. We hung out for a bit after work last night and it was fun having someone to share stories with.
I listened to her talking about being a parent and it's good for me to learn more about what that's like.
Some VERT important to me people are parents.
And they're still who they were before they became parents but now they just have an extra ...layer to their personalities. I can't imagine being responsible for someone else and it makes me sad that I am afraid I'm not capable of being responsible for someone else. Well, let's maybe not go there.
Besides, I practice a bit with Starr.
And I'll be Starr and house-sitting again next month. She's so easy to take care of. Sweet, good-natured, obedient and lovable. I wonder if humans can be raised that way? Kidding.
But seriously, I'm going to be spending time with children and I want to...contribute to them growing up being respectful, loving, kind, charming, funny and honest human beings. The kind of person other people want to spend time with. The kind of person who is happy with themselves and is confident in the world around them.
And I'm looking how actions speaking louder than words. (N was openly admitting that "do as I say, not as I do" was something she had said about herself and her parenting style.)
Another thing that I think is cool is that I"m getting to see different stages of childhood and how that's going.
R & K w/E. He's a little over 6 months old and still dependent on them for food, changing, comforting and loving. Just starting to sit up and sit in a chair and eat baby food.
B - A. not a todler anymore but a young child, learning how to spell. and do math. And tie her own shoes. And pick out her own clothes. Who still thinks her daddy is the best person in the world. (I agree.)
N - w/3 girls. 14 being the oldest. 14. Yikes. A teenager. Helping take care of her younger sisters. About to go into high school. Dreaming of being a pilot. And a younger daughter who wanted to help others and volunteer at a food bank for her birthday.
How cool is all of that???
And all of these responsible, great people are my friends.
I will watch and listen and appreciate.
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
N and are going to start carpooling next week and we've decided that we're going to do the gym thing before work this time around.
For a week and half now we've been skipping the gym but not without expressing our guilt about not going and justifying it by eating "better" in having salads and such.
So, back to the routine but altered. It really is a good idea because then we can still have lunch and just talk with limited distractions.
I've mentioned that her and I are becoming real friends right? And yesterday, twice, randomly/out of the blue, she just expressed her gratitude for my great friendship (uh, words to that effect) and both times I was like "what the hell?..where did THAT come from? Thank you" (I think I said thank you)when I should have just said "thank you.". It's just that it's been so long since someone said that to me.
I'm not complaining...it just that I think it's usually me saying that to someone about them/their friendship.
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
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Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!