Just happy it's my weekend.

'Nuff said. For now.

Happy Happy B-day J!

I hope you had a wonderful day (even if you weren't necessarily looking forward to it :) )

I hope it doesn't seem weird to post this, but we've gotten to know each other a little better over the past couple of weeks AND You're the reason I started doing the blog thing in the first place (the latter is reason enough to do this! :P ) Having this blog is such a cool thing in my life...I desperately needed an outlet for my inner drama queen/wannabe writer.

Did I ever tell you how I found your blog? Oh, I think I did once...I wanted to know more about you...the mysterious yet warm and friendly woman who would be housing me.

So I Googled you. (I love Google but I wonder if Bing is all that and a bag of chips. Anyone? Anyone?)

I didn't know what a blog was. I'd heard of them of course, knew that at one point they were all the rage (but like with most things in my life, I came late to that party i.e. sex, drugs, cell phones, etc.) but I had no idea how wonderful they were.

I've told you this already but I really do appreciate how you've made me feel at home here.

I was hesitant and excited both when it came time for me to decide to move out of my last place. I liked your ad immediately and when I came to see the place, your energy was infectious (and the price was right!) so here I am. Over a year later. I really didn't think I would be here that long as I was still in moving-to-London-at-some-point-sooner-rather-than-later mode.

I appreciate having a place to live while I figure my shit out (and someone who can tolerate the fact that I HATE HATE doing dishes...you and Shanna should talk since you've both had the distinct pleasure of living with me :> )

I live in a home with loving people and animals and know I'm pretty lucky. So thanks again.

Sam.

P.S. You told me I didn't have to get you anything for your birthday but I'm going to only partially listen. I actually have a card for you as well, but that will be filled w/mushy stuff. I hope you like it. It made me think of you the minute I read it. Not that you're mushy...

Duh! or if you prefer, Doh!

So I mentioned that one of the necessary things for me to have at work (in order for me to work without having major neck pain) is that I just have to move the monitor close enough to see it w/out craning my neck forward

=

Changing the size of the font here in Firefox to be much BIGGER so that I can see it better w/out craning my neck forward.

>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<

So do you know cool I think it is whenever somebody tells me that they read my blog? It seems like such a self-indulgent thing to be doing but I'm loving it. My Leo side is basking in the glow...

Oh! I'll come back to this later. Going to do a separate post in honor of J's b-day since I decided back in August to dedicate a post to those special people in my life.

Cranky Sam is not a pretty sight

I had a wee tantrum today after arriving at work and finding out that the computer on the desk I was going to sit at was still logged into someone else's login (who had left for the day) so I had to scramble to find somewhere else to sit and fast when I didn't really have the time or the patience to deal with it.

See the thing is, we're not allowed to "nest" at work (even though of course people still do it) and there are too many people, on too many different types of shifts and not enough stations so there a few of us who live like nomads, dragging our crap around (we are getting lockers, but again, just like the desks, we'll have to share) For the record, I'm not opposed to nesting, before we had our "remodel" I had a nest/desk I could sit at everyday w/out worry it wouldn't be set up for me when I got there and I just really miss having a regular spot..there have been so many fucking changes with this merger and enough is enough! To further explain why this is a big deal, a couple of months ago I finally did something about making sure I was working ergonomically and it's made a world of difference to me physically (mainly my neck!) so I need my work area set-up a certain way in order to work comfortably. But since the remodel, each and every time I come into work and go the desk I set up the day before, it's taken or unavailable and I have to start all over again and it's driving me fucking nuts. (To make matters worse, we also can't eat even snacks on the floor (OK, admittedly, this one is better for our health!) and our beverages must be in spill proof cups. No plants allowed either...and don't even get me started on how we're packed in like sardines while other departments that don't talk to people on the phone at all have spaces to work in that are bigger than what we've got!)

Well, today I snapped. I'm sure our visitors from Atlanta (they were around when this happened) must think I'm a total bitch but this is fucking ridiculous!

Now of course, I take some responsibility because I could have remembered that I would have to take a different way to work this weekend (due to the fucking construction on 35W/62 Crosstown) but I didn't, so therefore, I couldn't stop at Target to pick up the pita chips/hummus & chicken salad that I was especially looking forward to having for lunch/dinner tonight, (instead, had to take the long way, which meant stopping at SA for lunch/dinner because they were on the way and the quickest to get in and out of) and so then I was running later than planned... all that and then not only could I not flex, I also didn't have those few minutes before the start of shift to get myself situated. (The man yelled at his wife, who yelled at the kid, who yelled at the dog, who yelled at the cat, who yelled at the bird...it's the butterfly effect baby!) And it was the final straw. It's been so aggravating that I've been thinking of talking to my manager about either helping me find a station that I can claim needs to be mine and stay the way it is for medical reasons or putting up notes and trying to organize some sort of schedule or system so that I can find a regular place and if I share it, so be it, but it'll be the same fucking spot I can go to every day!

I'm so fucking spoiled. When things don't go my way, I'm an absolute and total bitch. (How do you people stand me? :P ) But it's not so wrong to just want to spend your 8 hours a day/40 hours a week in a place that's comfortable for you is it? Didn't think so.

Or am I so cranky because even though I had a fantastic time w/Shanna yesterday, starting with yummy food at Hell's Kitchen downtown, Rosedale Mall sucks eggs....very few places had women's sizes (Lane Bryant moved out! JJill only carries women's sizes in the catalog!) and the one shoe store that was full of ugly-so-they-should-have-them-in-my-size didn't carry my size...which was especially disappointing once I started getting excited about a particular shoe that was actually cute! I was in a world where there was no place for a person of my size. Neither body, nor booby, nor foot. (Ah, yes, this is why I rarely go out shopping and do most of it online these days)

Oh poor Sam, you know it wasn't all bad...being there brought to mind something quite significant (but in a good way)...Shanna heard this yesterday but as this blog is a recording of my life for me to look back upon someday, I shall repeat it for history's sake... I worked at that mall back in '91 and I was selling shoes for a place called "The Cobbie Shop". (In that same location today is the shoe store I went into that I talk about above)-and that is the place I actually met B for the first time. He had just started dating the woman who the assistant manager of the shoe store, J. He came in to the store one night to pick her up for a date and that's how we met. I thought he was a nice guy but soooo not my type. (I was into the... effeminate type at that time of my life) (And coincidentally just the other day he told me that when he met me back then that he thought I was cute (as in attractive!) A few months later, I left the world of shoes behind and began my career in arts ticketing. It would take another 4 years before I would meet B again and when I did WHAM! There were fireworks, alarms, heat, smoke and my blood boiled...all when he came up to me and hugged me (I thought it was cool that he remembered me...little did I know that he thought I was sexy so of course he remembered me!) In those four years, I had become attracted to a new kind of man...and this time around it was with a manly man with muscles and facial hair! ...and the rest is history.

So with that, Rosedale wasn't a total failure...I got to think about meeting B, my own years of working in retail (prior to shoes, it was men's clothes) and how my life was back then. I also didn't walk out empty handed...I found a cute pair of earrings (Shanna and I went in on a buy one, get one 1/2 off deal at Express) and at Sephora, I picked up a tinted lip balm and a small thing of perfume. We also hit up "target boutique" on the way back to Minneapolis and I got the first pair of slippers I'll have for this winter.

I should feel guilty for shopping but I paid bills and I just felt like I needed to live a little and so I did. Being out and about was fun (though physically I'm a wreck...I'm so out of shape it's ridiculous, Shanna deserves a freakin' medal for her patience! All of my friends do when we go out!...and yeah, I'm gonna get right on that! :P)

---

So it was a long day. The people who were calling got a taste of less-than-perky Sam and I'm sure what I was "giving" was why I got what I got. There was no smile in my voice. :(

I feel much calmer now...I'm home and have unclenched by watching the latest episodes of "Fringe" and "Flash Forward" (have I mentioned the latter is TV crack?) ...I'll save "Supernatural" and "Bones" for tomorrow night. Nothing like a little escapism to cheer a gal up.

So it's almost 4am and I guess I should think about calling it a day. So OK.

Hey body, how YOU doin'?

So I'm definitely going to be watching out for the new season of "Drop Dead Diva" sometime next year. I just finished watching the season 1 season finale and Wowza! Can't wait to see what happens next season.

----

I'm going to start spending some time looking up recipes and/or ideas for more healthy things to cook/prepare, with an eye toward figuring out how to keep them fast and easy because I'm just [stubbornly] not wanting to give up any of my precious sleep time prior to work.

See, I've developed a bad habit of not preparing any "breakfast" at home before I leave for work and have instead been stopping for food and of course, most of the time, it's by zipping through a drive-thru of some kind. Now of course, yes, I can make healthier selections at these places ("Eat This, Not That" actually had great advice for fast food junkies like me ..e.g. at BK, a Whopper Jr. (w/out the mayo) a small order of onion rings and a diet soda...yes! Really!) but I usually just say screw it and NOT order that. I could be smarter and do the Subway thing but only if I make the time to actually stop, park and go in. Or hell, I could even go the route of a co-worker and have a bowl of Special K in the a.m., Chipotle burrito bowl for mid-day meal and Special K again at night and then lose a bunch of weight! NOT! (OK, yeah, a teesny weensy bit tempted but I think I'd get bored with that after a couple of days and there isn't a Chipotle right on my way to work...I'd have to detour! Oh I know, poor Sam! Yes, I'd like a nice Gouda to go with that whine :P)

At the same time, I'm sick of fast food in general. Oh, sure I'll keep eating it (who are we kidding???) but I have to do better. (Recent observation is that when I'm low on funds and having to make do with groceries and preparing more meals for myself, I eat less crap/junk.)

Or maybe I should just get my tired, lazy butt out of bed and start adding some discipline to my life. I should get up, have a good, healthy breakfast, make coffee and then off to work. (Why not throw in a yoga'ish workout/stretch session while I'm at it? :P )

I'm so spoiled by my freedom to do what I want, when I want and NOT do anything I don't want to (uh, besides go to work! :> ) that it feels....wrong? No, it feels sooooo right. I spent most of my adolescence and young adult life being told what to do (like most kids) from having to do chores (dishes, taking turns w/my brother cooking dinner, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, taking the garbage out, clean my room, etc.), going to school AND working on days that we didn't have meetings, preparing for and going to those meetings 3 x's a week...(geez, no wonder I was so bloody tired as a teenager!)

Maybe all of this is a roundabout way of saying I like my life (mostly) but that I can make it a better life by focusing on getting a bit healthier. I've been out-of-control and not caring and it's about time to get back on track and pay some attention to me physically.

I wonder if giving up some of the things I enjoy that ARE bad for me would be a good enough compromise so that I could keep drinking the nectar of the gods, Mountain Dew?

---

Speaking of health...It's soon open enrollment time at work for health benefits for 2010 and I've got a LOT of information to read. I'm going to have to pick a plan if I want to continue to get my "happy" pills. I'm not looking forward to whatever choice I'll end up making because nothing will compare to the wonderful health insurance I've had for the past couple of years.

I was lucky enough to get into a program called Stay Well, Stay Working that was a pilot project created to study what would happen for people who had a history of depression and losing jobs when they had full resources to help them maintain their physical, mental AND emotional help so that they could continue working.

We had a "navigator" to check in with and have as a resource for things we needed help with. There was also a survey to fill out annually.

I will hope that after they look at all of the data and results from this project that they find a way to have this as a permanent program for those who need it. Even if I never have it again, it was such a gift and I know played a part in helping me stay focused on being employed FULL-TIME, at one place, for the past 2 years (and even though I've had some rough spots, I still have a job!) I know others would benefit from this type of thing.

Now I just have to pick a new health plan that is the best plan for me and hope I make the right choice.

On that note, let's make a good decision for me and put myself to bed. Ciao.

Tra la la

Happy Hump Day (it's my Wednesday) ..only 2 more days to go 'til I'm off again.

I have a new appreciation for a 5-day work week after that 8 day stretch I did last week.

So the other night I found myself giving "Flash Forward" a watch and dammit, I'm addicted! Great, that's all I need..another show that is a "must-see" every damn week.

Not much else to chat about right now. Am tired and will try to crash earlier because I've got to get up for "breakfast". ;) AND I have been staying up too bloody late the last few nights.

I just get sucked into a book and can't put the damn thing down. Oooh, that reminds me, I've got to add some more authors to my "Must-Read" author list. So now I've just added Patrica Briggs, Rachel Caine and P.N. Elrod. Elrod I've been reading for a couple of years now. The other 2 I've recently "discovered" and am now either caught up with the series or will be shortly.

There sometimes is nothing better than snuggling under the comforter with a good book.

So have you noticed I took the yummy man pictures down? Will you miss them? I think I just felt like ..'eh, I'm not a silly teenage girl ...just a silly almost 40 year old and there are probably other cool ways I can express my love for beautiful things. Or maybe I'll change my mind and add 'em back at some point. Or maybe I'll find some other cool or interesting things to add here.

So yeah, it's a cold night here in the city. That big snow we had today was a kick in the pants. Fucking winter. I'm just glad it was all melted by the time I left work. I HATE HATE driving in snow. I'm one of those drivers who piss the rest of you off because I'm going, like, 30 miles an hour on the freeway when the weather is bad and you wish I'd hurry the hell up or get out of your way.

I've just had my share of accidents (not all of them my fault...I think) thank you very much and would not care for any more.

Speaking of driving...it will be 10 years that I've had my license this December.

Yeah, I got my license when I was 29. It's a long story that I won't bore you with, suffice it to say, it just was finally the right time and my parent's were willing to let me have their 1973 Ford LTD. A perfect car for a person's first car wouldn't you say?

Welp, gonna wind this down and then wind me down.

Later.

Simple pleasures

My reward for surviving my Monday is to watch "Before Sunset".

Am feeling the need to watch a really really really great movie that makes me so happy and breaks my heart all at the same time.

It takes my breath away.

Reunited lovers...not just lovers, but the love of each others lives. None of this "one loving more than the other" stuff that I was subjected to by listening to 70's soft rock (but I still love 70's soft rock!) coupled with the unreality of all of those romances I've read over the years...no wonder that I have a very skewed view of love! (Whew, that was a mouthful! Run on sentence much?)

But back to the whole "love of your life" subject...I do believe in that with my whole heart..I don't necessarily believe in soul mates but I do believe that there could be someone who is the love of your life. I'm not sure what the difference really is though now that I think about it. And the funny thing is that, that is at odds with my thought/belief that there isn't only one person who is right for you and you must be with that person forever. I think people can come into your life for a certain reason and when they aren't in your life, it's not because you don't love each other, it's that you learned and experienced all you could with that person and now it's time to move on with someone else. (See what a mess I am?)

Now on to more miscellaneous notes/reflections/observations/ruminations that come to mind as I continue to watch the movie...

Just wondering if I should have started with the prequel..."Before Sunrise" ...but of course (!) the reason I want to watch this movie is to see how an unhappily married man rediscovers the love of his life and it's not the woman he's married to...and hope is given that he's finally making a choice to change his life and walk away from his current life (marriage)...

I think showing interest in someone else is really attractive.

I love that the actors wrote the screenplay w/the director and original writer.

I love that they captured the awkwardness and nervousness of their reunion...it felt real and then there is the truth and honesty that they finally expressed, to and for each other.

And of course I really love that he's gonna miss his plane.

*Sigh* if only things like this would happen in real life...

OK, enough melodrama for now. :P