This is soooooo right on!

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Here's the problem with being a fixed sign: Yeah, you sure know what you want to do with your time (unlike those vacillating Pisceans and dithering Librans), but when plans go awry, you sometimes flip your shit, and usually don't particularly enjoy yourself. Occasionally you even waste a ton of energy trying to get things to go back onto the track you'd originally imagined. However, think back to the times when you managed just to let things go: Often what happened was more exciting, interesting, and enlightening than what you'd planned. Keep that in mind the next time your train goes off the rails—it may be going somewhere good.

That's from Seattle Weekly - Sign Language.

And OMG he's hit the nail on the head...thinking back to my last days off I had fully intended to have my day(s) of staying in and keeping to myself (I've decided I like that description much better than describing it as hermit time) ...but because I didn't, I got together with Shanna & later Irma and had a good time. Every time I'm dragged kicking and screaming out, it's always fun and worth it in the end.

It won't stop me from wanting to stay in and keep to myself though... :P

Those who didn't know me when I was in my 20's wouldn't believe that back then I was a whirling dervish, flitting about from one thing to another with barely enough time to sleep. Working 3 jobs, spending time with friends and B (when we were "on" back then), going to plays, musicals, concerts, etc. I was living life to the fullest (and also not standing still long enough to realize how depressed I was and no amount of distraction would be the solution to facing up to my demons) and wringing every drop of experience I could out of life.

Hmm, ruminations on my life...I sometimes feel like I've already lived a million lifetimes in my not-quite-40-yet years. Moving, changing jobs, changing friends, relationships...

One of the many many things that therapy helped me see was that I function better with routine and consistency. That having certain things I can count on are what hold me together. That makes total sense. With a life that has changed constantly, I crave stability.

Now how all of that factors in to my need to stay in and have time for myself...I don't know but that's just where this post took me today.

Now on to other things for the time being. More later. Maybe.

My main goal for first day off is...

Sleep. Nothin' but sleep...

Oh, OK, so maybe I'll scoop out the cat box again and do another load of laundry but that is IT!

I'm so happy to be free of work for 2 whole lovely days.

2 days free of whining, helplessness, putting-on-a-smiling-face...not to mention the crap I have to deal with the people calling! :P

I can tell it's been an even more than normal exhausting 8 days because I actually went to bed AND fell asleep before 3 a.m. last night!

So this is all for now.

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

5 Down, 3 to Go.

Today sucked ass. I am having a love/hate relationship with the new system. The hate is mostly 'cause I'm not more proficient on it yet (give myself a break right? It's only been a couple of weeks...)

Plus, today I was worried about my girl, Shanna. She is in the middle, of the end, of her recent adventure and I feel so helpless. I hope it ends as soon as we hope. She is on a buddy pass and there is always an element of risk because it's standby. I just never thought it would be as bad as it has been for her. (OK, I guess I'm not making it look all that attractive a thing to take advantage of, this benefit from work of mine, but I swear it works out fine most of the time!)

Plus, I'm not going to even pick her up from the airport because now she will probably (hopefully!!!!!!!) be arriving in the morning, early morning and I don't do mornings...unless it's for sex. ;) :P

Fuck. I'm tired. I'm used to 5 days on, 2 off so it feels like it should be my weekend now but nope, I've got to push on for 3 more days.

And I'm worried about not hearing from a certain friend of mine. I think I really messed up and I didn't mean to (I do NOT crave drama for anyone else other than myself.) The whole thing is out of control and I wish I had never gotten into the position that I'm in.

Things like that are why sometimes it feels safer to just stay home and keep to myself. I can't hurt others (let alone myself) ...then again, I can't even get away from doing dumb things at work. Urgh. Not even going to get into it...let's just say you have to be careful who you jokingly call "your bitch". I was making a fucking joke and it got blown out of proportion. Fucking, fuck, fuck. (Have I not learned my lesson about making inappropriate jokes/saying inappropriate things at work in jest? That's part of what got me fired from the job I had working at a credit union a few years ago...(we were in the break room talking about bras (I didn't start it!) and I jokingly offered to just lift up my shirt and show them the one I was wearing...) Uh, yeah, I know)

Oh well, what can I do? Just learn more lessons.

I suppose I ought to wrap this up now and prepare for sleep.

Later 'gator.

Kickin' Asses and Taking Names

Got off of work early tonight. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Then again it is a Saturday night and apparently people had better things to do than call us.

So I'm home earlier than usual and I feel like getting shit done. My to-do list for the evening;

-laundry
-switch out the summer clothes for the winter clothes :(
-scoop out the cat box
-take out bedroom garbage
-pick up items in room that don't belong and put away
-straighten up my shelf in the bathroom

and of course catch up on a couple of TV shows in between. (As motivation and reward)

I am frickin' superwoman. I've accomplished a lot since I typed the above:

*doing a load of laundry (currently in the dryer!)
*took garbage out
*scooped the cat box (Fresh Step scooping cat litter really rocks and I'm beyond caring that it's probably nothing but evil ingredients)
*cooked pork chops and mashed potatoes (so now have eaten dinner and created meals to go with the leftovers)
*picked up crap off the dresser that belong in the bathroom AND tidied up my shelf in there

Whew! I'm pooped.

Now going to reward myself w/latest episode of "Fringe". After I get done watching that, then I'll do one more big thing tonight...switch out the summer/winter clothes (didn't make sense to do it before I did the laundry -of which 1/2 are summer and can be packed away) ...

Later.

Ooooh. Just got done w/"Fringe" -Wow!

Time to go clean up cat puke, wash hands and go down and get the laundry out of the dryer.

Whew again! I feel like I need another shower. Looking at all those sweaters made me hot. And I've realized that I'm lacking in long sleeved t-shirts...and I think I should get a pair of capri type leggings to wear under my skirts for the winter -or long johns...and I'll eventually have to do something about boots won't I?

But I'm done! My to-do list for tonight is complete. Yahoo! Woot woot!

Now, "Supernatural" here I come.

Random S^*t!

I've been indulging in getting groceries delivered from Coborns the past couple of months and with winter approaching...well, they'll really be getting the business from this chick. They don't have everything I need/want/get from the grocery store but they have a lot and the prices are comparable! And I can live with a delivery charge. I recently learned Lund's delivers now too so maybe I'll try that sometime...we'll see.

Moving on...

"Glee" - Kristin Chenoweth singing! - Goosebumps! But the difference between her speaking voice and her singing voice just blows my mind.

A few years ago I was interested in checking out the "Just for Fun" singers "class" I saw in the St. Paul Community Ed catalog. I think "Glee" is awakening my desire to find and join them or some other group like that. I'm not interested in a church choir but more of a chorus ...that will sing a variety of material like they do on this show.

I wouldn't be looking to be a "star", I just want to be with other people and singing for the pure joy of it.

OK, so I stepped away for a moment to go find out about the Just For Fun singers and I would seriously consider signing up right now but they meet on Monday nights and of course right now I work Monday nights. :(

I did some further research though and there aren't really any other chorus groups that I would a. have any interest in joining or b. would be good enough for because they're looking for more professional singers and/or you have to audition.

Maybe when we re-bid again for shifts in February I'll aim for a Sunday/Monday as my days off.

So the other day I remembered that during this month it will be 6 years that B and I have been back together. I think it's the longest we've been "on" throughout the 15 years or so (I've lost count) we've been in this on-again/off-again relationship. And for the most part, it's been so much better this time, in spite of his other life.

OK, well it's almost 4am now and I guess I should think about crashing.

3 down and 5 to go.

Short but sweet

"Eastwick" is a new favorite! I didn't want to like it because of Rebecca Romijn but was willing to give it a try because of Lindsay Price (oh how I miss "Lipstick Jungle"...at least we got mostly a "happy" ending in the season/series finale) ...not that I have anything against former models...OK, maybe I do...but just a wee bit. Anyhoo...she and the entire cast are really good! They are staying consistent so far and keeping the stories moving along nicely while remembering details correctly. (This opinion is from what I've seen so far in the pilot and the just watched 2nd episode, not on the book, which I've never read (should add to my reading list?) nor the movie which I haven't seen in years.) Questions are answered and more asked and I can't wait to see what happens next. People...[critics] have been saying it's just another "Desperate Housewives" but with witchcraft, but I strongly disagree with that. I may have liked DH (in the beginning anyway, I gave it up after the end of season 2) but not as much as I'm liking "Eastwick".

So I've also decided to put off "The Good Wife", "The Forgotten", "Melrose Place", and "Three Rivers" as well as the aforementioned "Dollhouse", for later. The only other new show I'm going to keep watching for the time being is "Cougar Town".

So with my other "must-see's" this brings my count down to 14! Yippee!

Eh. Miscellaneous.

One of my favorite bloggers wrote something that I'm going to (once again) copy/paste because I soooooo hear her loud and clear...aka she said what I keep trying to say, but more succinctly.

"Do I want to go back to school? Maybe, but I think it's more of an escapist thought than a career plan. I want the learning but not the work. I think." (Beth/Sum of Me blog.)

Uh huh. Yup. I hear you girlfriend! But let's not really talk about that tonight.

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Hmm, mounds of laundry staring me in the face. Just can't get motivated to do it. As long as I have some clean underwear, I think I'll just keep putting it off.

So proud of myself. So back in ...May? I put the air-conditioner in, and then the other day I finally took it back out (I was freezing my ta-ta's off (oh how I wish I could really freeze them off or at least a little bit of them! :P ) and it was time :( ) Now really having to face the reality of approaching fall and winter. Blech. I'm so bummed that I can't really wear the flip-flops anymore. (I'm not one of the crazies who will wear them until the first snow) I've also now got to make some time to change out the summer clothes for the fall/winter ones. Sweaters, jackets and socks/shoes (oh my!) :(

Speaking of shoes....I need some different ones. I've got like, 5 pair (excluding my flip-flops) and they all leave something to be desired.

Sadly, my feet are like little small square Fred Flintstone feet. If I want to be lazy and cheap (like I was oh so many many many years ago) I will just make size 7 1/2's work for me...but after years of selling shoes and knowing my proper size ..well, I just can't settle for anything less than 6 1/2 WW (technically I really could go with a 6 WWW/wwww but those are even harder to find than the 6 1/2 ww's)...(man oh man, nothing about me is normal sized. I just can't catch a break ..cue the violins people!)

So in the meantime, I've got the following:

1. Black clunky mary-janes with velcro closures that have a nasty habit of coming "un-stuck" at the worst times.

2. Brownish/burgundy slip-on's that are actually OK but I wear them practically every day and they don't always go with what I'm wearing. They're so ugly they're almost cute. Almost.

3. Black flats -well, these are cute but the soles are not very thick and I dread the day I get a hole in the bottom. I've already had them fixed once and not sure they'd survive another fix.

4. Black fisherman type "sandals" ..they really only work spring/summer/fall ...they're OK but nothing special

5. Black low heels,...actually these also cute but they're pretty beat up and really should be replaced. Actually, if I could find them again, I'd buy another pair ...but I doubt I will 'cause I've had them for years...

I also need new winter boots. Mine suck. My instep is so frickin' high that I can't even zip the damn things up and they're uncomfortable to boot (ha ha ha you saw that pun comin' right? :P)

I did recently splurge (well, it wasn't a total splurge, they were on sale for $29.99 when I usually have to pay over $50) on a pair from Easy Spirit and the bastards sent me the wrong size! I doubt the proper size is gonna fit but I was, am willing to try. They're black (gee, big surprise) and I want to be optimistic about them because they're a combination of a. black b. dressy enough for skirts and dresses c. casual enough for casual outfits d. look easy enough to slip on and off (which comes in handy at airports) and e. are fairly fashionable. (FYI: The last one is the toughest requirement I had (have) in my search because wide wide sizes are usually U G L Y.) If you're curious about 'em, check 'em out at http://www.easyspirit.com/Nidi /604994108416,default,pd.html# Cute 'eh?

So now I've got to get my butt to a store to return them (running the risk they don't carry them in the store and/or in my size) or drag my butt to a post office and send 'em back and hope the correct size ..when I finally get them, actually do indeed fit. I ask you, is it so wrong to want shoes to just feel comfortable right away. Is it wrong to want them to feel like slippers?

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So I had a fun "weekend". S and I impulsively got together Monday afternoon (crazily enough we both were free of other obligations that night) and had ourselves a bit of an adventure. She was depressed and stressed about some recent shit in her life and felt the need for some escape from the daily grind. (Lemme tell ya, it was reeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly tough convincing me to leave the house (aka put on a bra) on my first day off in over a week, but the payoff was going to be worth it.) It included driving around my not-so-great neighborhood (no offense Jen), avoiding ex-boyfriends, picking up Chipotle for dinner and munchies for later in the evening, lots and lots of laughter and "brilliant" thoughts and ideas. Take from that what you will and I'm sure you'll know what I'm talkin' about. I joined us later for the winding down part of the night. (Note to I: next time you will be included from the start, won't spring the plan on you so last minute like that) ..it was a blast.

Then Tuesday was my slothful day. Well, until about midnight that is. S decided to have another adventure and I aided and abetted her. It's not for me to share but let's just say that something in my life was helpful to her.

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Caught pilot/series premier of "Eastwick" the other night. I like it. Will go back for more and not worry so much about how well it follows the book or movie. I'm gonna "let it go" and just enjoy. And I mentioned I like "Cougar Town" right? Am going to trade the new "Melrose Place" for 'em (and then maybe catch up on MP later...)

Anyhoo, back to work today and now let the countdown begin. 1 day down, 7 to go.