Totally worth it

Ah, what a wonderful weekend! Will do mini-recap and then actually head to bed soon...am getting a cold so will put myself to bed earlier than usual and pray I actually fall asleep right away.

Thursday evening; part I: seeing B and having a guy at McDonald's think B was my husband -hilarious. He gave us free ice cream! - part II: later that night, having drinks and great conversation with dear old pal J. Very surreal though considering we haven't seen each other for 10+ years or so. I was nervous but had no need to be. Toast was made..my contribution was "to old friends" and his was "and to new beginnings". How sweet! We're not the same people we were, but yet we are...just a little bit older and wiser.

Friday; part I: lunch and coffee w/D. Again, wonderful time with amazing conversation. It was like no time had passed. I'm looking forward to this new beginning with her as well - part II: dinner and movie w/R ("Yes Man" pretty good/funny!) and more excellent conversation.

Am aglow with love and gratitude for these people in my life...for all of my friends. I am so lucky (and them too 'cause I'm FABULOUS! LOL :) ) to know such smart, funny, interesting, charming and witty folks. I'm really looking forward to what the future has to bring.

There really is more to write than this about these get-together's but just don't have the energy tonight. Evil, evil cold. That'll teach me to skip my vitamins for a couple of days!

"Bones" season finale!!

I've just started watching and OMG! I cannot wait to see what the frick is going on!

Weird, weird, weird, WTF!

My....head....is....spinning....

I'm so confused...why, why, why did they do this?

I am likin' that they each get to play their characters differently...but...but...but...

They have succeeded at creating a great cliffhanger and I know I'll be eagerly awaiting season 5!

(May 16th...it's been renewed for not only 1 more season but 2. Ya hoo!)

Sadness ...but only about a book and a random celebrity

So I just got done reading a book called "Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Single". I was excited to read it because the author is from Minnesota and the story is set here in good 'ol Minneapolis. And that title! Well, what unmarried woman who likes to read chick lit wouldn't be hooked like a fish seeing a title like that???

Well, before I was even halfway done with it, I found myself at amazon.com looking to read what others thought so far...and then was inspired to add my own 2 cents. So I reviewed it, in two parts. I'm copying my review because A. I can't think of anything else particularly brilliant to blog about right now and B. It kind of goes along with what I was writing about the other day about how I'm searching for books to read that are different than from what I have been reading.

So, now for your reading pleasure (OK, because who am I kidding...I'm [now] writing this blog for my readers...thank you those who read this...you make my day! Now if I could only get a comment or two sometime? :P :) )

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I haven't quite finished it yet but just had to comment on what I think so far because there a couple of things that I need to respond to immediately. The first is something I LOVE. Near the beginning there was this part that spoke to me on so many levels and made me feel like I wasn't alone..."Don't think about the last ten years, which have collapsed in a lightning split-second, and even though I'm not sure what I was doing for ten years, we can be sure I wasn't getting married or having kids or buying a house or working on getting out of Minnesota. We can be sure of that." I love seeing in print someone else having these thoughts about their life. [Even if it's just a fictional character.]

On the other hand, while I'm enjoying this book so far, there is one thing that is bothering me. This character is a size twelve yet she acts like she's much larger than that. Now it's one thing if the character was actually going to do something about it but I don't think that's the case. This story is not about that ...so far. She is constantly beating herself up about her weight and that just makes me really sad. As a much larger-than-a-size-twelve woman who has worked long and hard to make peace with my body, it's sad to read about a character totally blowing her weight out of proportion (pun intended). I guess I really don't blame the author for that, society is such a harsh critic of womens bodies. It just would have been nice if the story was being told without the character being obsessed with how fat she thinks she is.

Of course I've yet to finish this book. Let's hope by the end she has a different attitude.

---

Finished it last night and while I appreciated the reality of this fiction (our heroine isn't the practically perfect heroine you usually get in chick lit) I am disappointed that the story went in the direction it did. While yes, she stops focusing on the weight (thank goodness, it was getting old) the story becomes all about her relationship, being proposed to and then getting married. But why she even bothers is baffling to me. All she does is complain about her boyfriend/fiance' and his family. She takes the crap dished out to her and doesn't stand up for herself. She gets caught up in a world where she won't have to worry about money anymore but at the cost of her self-respect. When she does have a shot at real love she blows it off and goes ahead and gets married to a guy I don't think she even likes (because we never know what she likes about him, other than her being attracted to his looks when she first meets him.)

I wanted her to be human and make mistakes but by the end I didn't like her. She represents just one of the many examples I used to think were just a figment of my imagination of a person who gets married for all the wrong reasons simply because they are so desperate to get married.

Or maybe I just prefer my fiction a little more like ..."Bridget Jones Diary" (but way less like a harlequin romance novel).

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Ah, the freedom of the internet. Lots and lots of ways to be a little fish in a big pond.

Random thought:

- I'm sad that Farah Fawcett is dying. Not that I was a big fan or anything (though have "Charlie's Angels" episodes on my someday-will-watch TV list.) I mean it's one thing when you hear a beloved (?) celebrity has passed away but to hear they're dying...and Ryan O'Neal is so heartbroken. Sad. Just sad.

>>>><<<<<

It's almost 3am and the wind is blowing something fierce out there. It's actually howling! I'm so glad it's "Friday". Next 2 days should be fun! and exciting! and interesting! and emotional!

I'm seeing those friends I haven't seen in YEARS. It's also payday again, thank god!

J - I love how you often close with "Onward". Can I just openly copy that?

It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind

So I found myself last night watching that very special episode of "House". I couldn't wait. I wanted to see "House" and "Cuddy" getting together. Maybe it would have been more exciting had I watched ALL of the episodes leading to that moment but you know what? I don't care. In fact, I'm not even going to watch any more episodes. I'm just not loving it. I've got better things to do with my time (or do I?) than watch a show that isn't doing it for me. I just haven't fallen in love with it like I did with "Bones". (May 11, 2009 ...re: "House" hook-up -you've got to be kidding me! I hate when they play with us like that! Now if they do that with "Bones" I'm gonna be p.o'd big time!)

Nothing wrong with that right? Right!

Though speaking of "Bones"...I was reading various comments in response to last weeks episode and talk about a woman's prerogative to change her mind! It felt like it was out of the blue but at the same time, makes sense that her character would decide something contrary to what she had said before because she could come up with valid, logical reasons for it. I'm actually probably going to watch the episode again...or at least the good parts, especially near the end. I can't wait to see next weeks season finale. This is supposed to be the one where they finally get together.

So another "Monday" and work today/tonight was OK. Mother's Day tomorrow and hopefully that means the phones will be quiet and we can all goof off or at least get some reading done! Isn't that a terrible attitude to have? Yeah. It's just been weird having this job that is so ...I don't even know that word I'm looking for. I've had other jobs where between calls there was always other work to be done, but not here. We just sit around. So I guess I really shouldn't complain about getting paid to just sit around should I? I can't say I'm bored though because you never know what the next phone call is going to be about.

Today I was accused of yelling when I wasn't. I was just speaking firmly, clearly and strongly. This lady wanted to confirm some relative of hers actually got on a flight. Now in order to give out that information we need a confirmation number or an e-ticket number and she had neither. She just expected me/us to pull up the list of passengers for the flight and see if whomever was on it. Wrong! Post 9/11 it doesn't work that way. She just wasn't taking no, sorry, we need more info. for an answer so I finally just said I'm sorry I can't help you, I'm releasing this call and then released the call! I've never actually done that before (what I did do once in frustration was just hang up on a call...and felt so bad about it I told my manager) ...now if she had had a better attitude there might have been some other ways I could have found out something for her but nope! Ugh!

It felt wrong to hang up on her. Normally I bend so far backwards I can see up my own a#& to help these people that my calls per hour suck and I go home drained from giving, giving, giving but today I just wasn't gonna do that. I've got to get better at that. I just have to keep the recording in my head that says "you can't please all the people all the time", "you are not responsible for other people's thoughts, reactions and feelings", "it is what is is" and "you can't win 'em all" playing on continuous loop until I'm convinced enough to be working smarter not harder at this job.

So it's about 1am and my desire to head to bed before 4am last night failed miserably. I ended up finishing up a new Nora Roberts book "Vision in White". I have to say that this is the first of her books I've been unimpressed with. It was just a typical, ordinary story of boy meets girl. She usually does much better than that with her boy meets girl stories. Her stories are usually much more complex, deeper, richer and more interesting and this one was blah. It was actually the first in new quartet of stories about these 4 friends who as little girls loved playing "wedding" and how as adults they own and operate a wedding planning business, each contributing a talent to an aspect of the business. This one was about the photographer and then we're gonna get 3 more stories for the remaining women. Now I will probably read the rest because I'll be curious to see if she makes their stories more interesting than this first one.

Am I falling out of love (pun intended) with reading romances (TV romance is a whole 'nother topic!) For the past few years I've been reading more stories that are about something other than boy meets girl yet still have that element of romance to them. What's the difference? Well, usual standard romances are boy meets girl and then there is some conflict before the heroine realizes how wrong she is and after admitting her feelings to the hero, they live happily ever after. Now the reason I read romances isn't so much for that aspect but for the story of reading about a man who falls so deeply in love with the woman that he can't even imagine loving anyone else. (I know, I know!)

These days, I'm just digging more the supernatural/paranormal-with-romance-throw-in stories because they are in worlds beyond the mundane. I like the minds that come up with these fantastical worlds (plus the sex they write about is better! ;) )

I still need to expand my reading list though because as I've stated before, I've got favorite sci-fi/fantasy authors writing serials but the waiting between books is torture.

I guess this is just one of the many changes a person goes through as they grow up. Their tastes change and expand. Maybe someday I'll love reading about history or...some other topic that currently I have no interest in. And maybe someday I'll weigh 100 pounds. :)

An epiphany!

So it's been a lovely day. Went out and enjoyed the weather and got to spend time with my sweetie tonight. Now I've just finished watching the latest episodes of "Castle", "Better Off Ted", "The Unusuals" and the finale (season? series?) finale of "Scrubs" (It was all about the ABC shows tonight) ...then afterward was perusing the TV web site/pages and came across Matt Roush from TVGuide Magazine's review of the finale of "Scrubs" and was moved to write the following:

Sam Jones wrote:
Fri, May 08, 2009, 03:51 AM
I can't read this Roush review of the finale of Scrubs and take it even remotely seriously. It was a GREAT finale...felt like a true series finale yet if it does come back I'll watch it. It's had it highs and lows but the new interns bring great energy to it and I still enjoy it. Why say goodbye to an old friend just because they may not be what they were in the beginning? It's still has a lot of heart and humor and shame on you Matt for being so negative about it.

-----

I mean seriously! Why are people so critical and hell bent on a good show ending. So what if it isn't the same show we fell in love with ...things change. Everything changes. If we're still being entertained by these characters that we've invested years in, then why should we be so quick to kiss it goodbye? I've never understood the whole "leave the party while it's still fun" idea (e.g. what they were saying about why they were ending "Sex and the City")

I guess I get that the actors might want to not play the same characters for decades but hell, that's why they have breaks in between seasons so they can go off and do whatever, plus they won't literally play that character forever...

So as I look at those words I wrote I have to think to myself ...yeah, that's right. Like duh! Sam. People and friendships do change over time and even if you don't always see eye to eye it's no reason to give up on the relationship that you've had for years and years. I get that people can grow apart and have different lives but there has to be some way to retain those pieces of yourself that you gave to others (though I don't believe in hanging on to friendships that are all about negativity and constant pessimism...who needs to be with someone who can't find joy in any part of life?) Don't we all just want a friend who will be in that jail cell with us and not just be the one bailing us out? The kind that support us, even if our choices aren't always what they consider the wisest? The kind that are patient and forgiving as we fumble through life.

Anyway, I've just been doing a lot of thinking about old friends lately since some very significant people have come back in to my life. One who hasn't, another dear old friend, E, came to mind today because it was his birthday. I don't know if that friendship will ever get over what broke it apart. I just hope he is happy.

I want all of my friends, old and new, to be happy and to have the lives that they want for themselves. I hope that I have matured enough to express that more often and to show them that I still sincerely really want the best for them.

It's certainly been a day/night for insights.

Part of my afternoon was spent on a phone call with R, my navigator for this Stay Well, Stay Working program I've been in for the last couple of years and in that conversation I mentioned my whole treading water/swimming in place thing and she made a really good point that even when a person is doing that (she first pointed out the obvious...kudos for that 'cause it means you're keeping your head above water and staying afloat) don't discount the currents in the water that carry you along toward... whatever. They'll take you closer to where you need to go eventually.

I also mentioned to her about how I hope this is the summer that sees me enjoying the weather and being outdoors more and again it's like duh! Yeah, I should actually tell people that I want to do more active things. Why didn't I think of that? Seriously, why didn't I think about that?

You know this is what I love about talking to other people...learning new ways to think about things. Learning how other people think about things. People are fascinating, fantastic and frustrating aren't they?

Well, I'm putting myself back out there to be amongst them and the hermit days are over!

Delayed or Immediate Gratification - which is better?

Woo hoo...it's the weekend for me and I'm psyched. Hopefully beautiful weather which will allow me to go and lounge around on the deck and be free from the worries of work.

I'm about to start watching the 3rd episode of the 2nd season of "House" and the thought occurs to me that maybe I could just skip ahead, way way ahead, and just go watch the episode where "House" and "Cuddy" do the deed which recently aired. Isn't that really what I want to see? Argh. This is a tough one 'cause I do like to see how their relationship progresses through time to get to this point. Maybe I could watch it then go back and watch the earlier episodes...hmmm, there's an idea.

Or maybe I'll just be good and resist the urge.

Hmm, what else is going on? Talked to J last night for a bit. It was really nice. It has been about 11 years he figures (he's right) and while so much has happened in our lives, in a way it felt like no time had passed. We covered the basic stuff and will get together one of these days. I've missed him and that friendship.

And on Facebook D reminded me of a crush I'd had when I was in Jr. High. A serious crush. On a boy working at the local grocery story who reminded me of Huey Lewis. If I remember correctly I finally approached him one day and I think what happened is that he said I was too young for him (I was about 13, he was 17...?) Anyway...that is the bad thing about losing touch with old friends...I've forgotten good things/memories. So you know, forget what I said before, in the previous posts...I'm looking forward to doing some reminiscing with both J and D and seeing where the friendships go from there.

I know good friendships are hard to find and I've let too many go. Part of me wants to go and re-read the old journals I kept, to see what was going on at that time but the other part of me doesn't want to get bogged down in any remotely sad or bad memories.

So for now, I'll resist.

Speaking of resisting things...or more accurately, not resisting something...I'm hopefully having a real date w/B tomorrow night. He still makes my blood boil after all these years. When we saw each other last week he reminded me that it has been about 17 years since we first met. It's been about 13 years that we've been involved with each other in one way or another (I'm counting all the on-again/off-again periods in there). I just don't want to be with anyone else. I stopped fighting with myself about my relationship with him a long time ago. It is what it is.

Season/Series Finales are coming up (or have happened) and then let the waiting for a new season to begin begin! I'm really hoping that "Scrubs" is renewed. I'm OK with it not having all of the original cast. The interns that they have this season are great!

Granted, without old shows being put out to pasture, I wouldn't have new shows that I really like e.g. "Better Off Ted" (you have GOT to watch it if you haven't been...actually the season finale has already aired but they're all available to watch online) and "The Unusuals" (the first episode was so-so but after that, every episode so far has me liking it more and more)...

I should be saving the watching of episodes of "House" (and then after that the watching of "24"?) for when the season is over for current favorites but I don't want to wait. I know there will be plenty of other fun things I could, should be doing, outside, when summer is here.

I keep telling myself that this is the summer I will go camping/play badminton/go on picnics/go on road trips/go to beaches...I need to show the world (uh, my friends) I am more/will be more than a couch potato! Here's hoping this summer is indeed the one that sees a new side of me.

Saturday night is alright

I got home from work a little bit ago and am now settling in for the night. Do I care that it's a Saturday night and I'm just hanging out at home? Nope. Today was my Monday and will be working the next few days so I'm OK with conserving my energy to deal with all the lovely phone calls I have to take.

Speaking of the job...it's been a year since they announced that NWA & Delta would be merging so to thank us all for the work we've been doing with the integration of these 2 HUGE airlines they've given every active employee 2 round trip positive space passes to travel anywhere Delta flies. I mean ANYWHERE. We'll of course have to pay taxes on international flights, but other than that it's FREE! And it's confirmed, positive space. No standby-nail-biting-am-I-gonna-get-on-the-flight worries. I would love to give them to my parents but oh darn, I have to be the one flying. I can either take 2 single round trips or take someone with me wherever I go. Now the only questions are 1. Where to go (co-workers are talking Sydney, Australia!) and 2. Who's going with me?

Ireland, Italy...just a couple of the places I've been wanting to go and service charges on international trips can be steep (I know, I know, it's still way cheaper than normal but when you fly free domestically it's hard to give up any cash for flights...my trip to England last year ate up an entire paycheck...of course that was because I opted for business (aka first) class) I think taxes will be less than the service charges so it really will be a fantastic deal. I definitely want to use them for international travel. Of course, international travel is easier to get standby than domestic. Ah, who knows where I'll end up and with who (whom?)

We won't have them until June but they'll be good until August of 2010. I think if someone would be willing to take care of the lodging/hotel I would happily take that person along. Would hopefully work out to be a sweet deal for both of us.

Now, on to to other topics. I started watching "House" the other day. I haven't been watching it (lord knows I've got plenty of other shows to keep up with) but have been seeing reports from tvguide.com that "House" and "Cuddy" might be (as the kids used to say) "hooking up" and you know what a sucker I am for shows that have characters getting together after a prolonged period of time. (I think this is what will suck me into "Grey's Anatomy" eventually) ...so I'm in the middle of the first season but am waffling a bit because there are so many more episodes and seasons to go...plus because I've been reading about it I know what's gonna happen with the various characters and that sort of takes away from the element of surprise. Or maybe it's just that I have to get really invested in the characters...like I did with "Bones". I adore that show and am so happy I kept going and watched every damn episode. Can I do that for "House"? We'll see. I do like to finish what I start. (Though that hasn't motivated me to finish "Two Guys and a Girl" or "Remington Steele"...though w/the former I've now watched all of season 1 & 2 and have 3 & 4 to go but have seen episodes from those repeatedly and for the latter it's knowing that I don't know how I'm going to get my hands on the 5th season/special movies/finale that's stopping me from continuing...)

Either way, I know there are more important things I could be doing with my free time but honestly? This TV watching is free (well, not free...the internet costs money but that's pretty damn cheap...thanks J for finding us a really great deal!) I would love to be getting together with friends for coffee/drinks, etc. Or taking yoga classes. Or any other number of things but I'm too poor to afford that right now. (I survive but am what a former therapist called deprived...though I think she exaggerated that a bit) I'm not looking for sympathy (well, maybe a little) or for pity. I'm not looking for friends to cover my ass. My friends are generous and it's not required that we do something that involves spending money but I need to be able to take care of myself and be able to contribute something to whatever we're doing. I just need to be a bit better with money and/or find a better paying job. Or maybe find some more part-time work now that the SPCO season is winding down and I don't have shifts there.

I wonder if there are any internet things out there that are legit/not scams and actually work to make you money???

Bluh. I'll get to where I need to be eventually. Maybe I should start playing the lottery....