I could only escape into the oblivion of sleep for so long.
Crying last night as I went to sleep because he wasn't on the bed with me.
Crying as I woke up (the 2nd time around) because looking around the room in the daylight and no sign of him..just a slightly used cat box, a bowl of water and lots and lots of cat hair everywhere
Crying as I talked to my mother on the phone.
Crying as I talked to B on the phone, as I asked if he could come over tonight (he couldn't last night...don't even get me started...then again being mad at him tonight is keeping me from crying...or are my expectations too high?)
Crying as I talked to my Pop on the phone.
Only silver lining, I got the shift I wanted for work with the new shift bid. Hallelujah for small blessings...yes, I said blessings. World at large: Just because I'm no longer a Jehovah's Witness doesn't mean I don't believe in God. I will be starting earlier :( (but at least not before noon and that truly is something this night owl is grateful for) and the good news about that is ending earlier...in fact, w/flexing, I'll be done before 9pm. That and Louis being gone are going to be big changes in my life going forward.
******
Wanting to drown my sorrows in food.
******
And everybody being so supportive and kind and feeling my pain makes me cry all over again. I'm blessed with so many caring people in my life.
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He should be right next to me now as I hang out on the bed, on the computer. Being there for me to pet and stroke as I watch TV online and surf the net.
***********************************
Now I'm going to escape into some of that TV online...take me away "The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men and Castle"
Oh crap, BBT has me laughing. (Sheldon getting caught up in the security system electrified net)
&&&&&&&&
How on earth does one survive a new existence without something beloved constantly around?
Is it a bad thing that I washed the sheets, turned the bed around, got rid of the litter box/litter and swept up my room?
And I swear I head him crunch on a piece of dry cat food earlier tonight.
And....
I think I'm going to just stop right there.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them