Cranky Sam is not a pretty sight

I had a wee tantrum today after arriving at work and finding out that the computer on the desk I was going to sit at was still logged into someone else's login (who had left for the day) so I had to scramble to find somewhere else to sit and fast when I didn't really have the time or the patience to deal with it.

See the thing is, we're not allowed to "nest" at work (even though of course people still do it) and there are too many people, on too many different types of shifts and not enough stations so there a few of us who live like nomads, dragging our crap around (we are getting lockers, but again, just like the desks, we'll have to share) For the record, I'm not opposed to nesting, before we had our "remodel" I had a nest/desk I could sit at everyday w/out worry it wouldn't be set up for me when I got there and I just really miss having a regular spot..there have been so many fucking changes with this merger and enough is enough! To further explain why this is a big deal, a couple of months ago I finally did something about making sure I was working ergonomically and it's made a world of difference to me physically (mainly my neck!) so I need my work area set-up a certain way in order to work comfortably. But since the remodel, each and every time I come into work and go the desk I set up the day before, it's taken or unavailable and I have to start all over again and it's driving me fucking nuts. (To make matters worse, we also can't eat even snacks on the floor (OK, admittedly, this one is better for our health!) and our beverages must be in spill proof cups. No plants allowed either...and don't even get me started on how we're packed in like sardines while other departments that don't talk to people on the phone at all have spaces to work in that are bigger than what we've got!)

Well, today I snapped. I'm sure our visitors from Atlanta (they were around when this happened) must think I'm a total bitch but this is fucking ridiculous!

Now of course, I take some responsibility because I could have remembered that I would have to take a different way to work this weekend (due to the fucking construction on 35W/62 Crosstown) but I didn't, so therefore, I couldn't stop at Target to pick up the pita chips/hummus & chicken salad that I was especially looking forward to having for lunch/dinner tonight, (instead, had to take the long way, which meant stopping at SA for lunch/dinner because they were on the way and the quickest to get in and out of) and so then I was running later than planned... all that and then not only could I not flex, I also didn't have those few minutes before the start of shift to get myself situated. (The man yelled at his wife, who yelled at the kid, who yelled at the dog, who yelled at the cat, who yelled at the bird...it's the butterfly effect baby!) And it was the final straw. It's been so aggravating that I've been thinking of talking to my manager about either helping me find a station that I can claim needs to be mine and stay the way it is for medical reasons or putting up notes and trying to organize some sort of schedule or system so that I can find a regular place and if I share it, so be it, but it'll be the same fucking spot I can go to every day!

I'm so fucking spoiled. When things don't go my way, I'm an absolute and total bitch. (How do you people stand me? :P ) But it's not so wrong to just want to spend your 8 hours a day/40 hours a week in a place that's comfortable for you is it? Didn't think so.

Or am I so cranky because even though I had a fantastic time w/Shanna yesterday, starting with yummy food at Hell's Kitchen downtown, Rosedale Mall sucks eggs....very few places had women's sizes (Lane Bryant moved out! JJill only carries women's sizes in the catalog!) and the one shoe store that was full of ugly-so-they-should-have-them-in-my-size didn't carry my size...which was especially disappointing once I started getting excited about a particular shoe that was actually cute! I was in a world where there was no place for a person of my size. Neither body, nor booby, nor foot. (Ah, yes, this is why I rarely go out shopping and do most of it online these days)

Oh poor Sam, you know it wasn't all bad...being there brought to mind something quite significant (but in a good way)...Shanna heard this yesterday but as this blog is a recording of my life for me to look back upon someday, I shall repeat it for history's sake... I worked at that mall back in '91 and I was selling shoes for a place called "The Cobbie Shop". (In that same location today is the shoe store I went into that I talk about above)-and that is the place I actually met B for the first time. He had just started dating the woman who the assistant manager of the shoe store, J. He came in to the store one night to pick her up for a date and that's how we met. I thought he was a nice guy but soooo not my type. (I was into the... effeminate type at that time of my life) (And coincidentally just the other day he told me that when he met me back then that he thought I was cute (as in attractive!) A few months later, I left the world of shoes behind and began my career in arts ticketing. It would take another 4 years before I would meet B again and when I did WHAM! There were fireworks, alarms, heat, smoke and my blood boiled...all when he came up to me and hugged me (I thought it was cool that he remembered me...little did I know that he thought I was sexy so of course he remembered me!) In those four years, I had become attracted to a new kind of man...and this time around it was with a manly man with muscles and facial hair! ...and the rest is history.

So with that, Rosedale wasn't a total failure...I got to think about meeting B, my own years of working in retail (prior to shoes, it was men's clothes) and how my life was back then. I also didn't walk out empty handed...I found a cute pair of earrings (Shanna and I went in on a buy one, get one 1/2 off deal at Express) and at Sephora, I picked up a tinted lip balm and a small thing of perfume. We also hit up "target boutique" on the way back to Minneapolis and I got the first pair of slippers I'll have for this winter.

I should feel guilty for shopping but I paid bills and I just felt like I needed to live a little and so I did. Being out and about was fun (though physically I'm a wreck...I'm so out of shape it's ridiculous, Shanna deserves a freakin' medal for her patience! All of my friends do when we go out!...and yeah, I'm gonna get right on that! :P)

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So it was a long day. The people who were calling got a taste of less-than-perky Sam and I'm sure what I was "giving" was why I got what I got. There was no smile in my voice. :(

I feel much calmer now...I'm home and have unclenched by watching the latest episodes of "Fringe" and "Flash Forward" (have I mentioned the latter is TV crack?) ...I'll save "Supernatural" and "Bones" for tomorrow night. Nothing like a little escapism to cheer a gal up.

So it's almost 4am and I guess I should think about calling it a day. So OK.