The More Time Passes...

The more I realize that doing this blog thing is a major commitment and we all know how I feel about commitment! Actually that's not quite true. I've been working for the SPCO for over 4 years, the airline for 2 and been with B for over 5 (this time around. He's been a fixture in my life in one way or another since I was about 23.)

I've got staying power in some things, but in others, not so much.

My life has been in flux one way or another since the very start. First there was the mother who didn't stay married to biological father (he was a wanker to put it mildly, people have heard me say worse, much worse, but I really like the word wanker tonight...I've been watching BBC TV) then her marrying step-dad #1, then her taking a trip to England and meeting the man who would eventually become step-dad #2/Pop. After the wedding, there was the moving to England and living in 2 different houses (for part of the time we actually lived in 2 houses at one time! Boy did I feel rich!)

There was the picking up of a cockney accent, then dropping it when we got back to the states (Mom lost her job & was homesick so back we came) because I couldn't handle the teasing I was getting from the other kids. There was moving back and forth between St. Paul & Minneapolis repeatedly throughout my prepubescent, pubescent & young adult years. There were moves due to Mom & Pop separating, fires, and just general necessity.

When I was about 36, I mentally calculated the number of times I had moved in my life up to that point and it equaled 18. Yup. 18. That number is up to about 20 now. Of course a good 1/3rd of those moves were after I moved out of home ...I'm actually curious as to what I counted so now, if it's not too boring, I'm going to list them here ...for posterity. Ages are approximate. (This ought to be interesting since I've had 2 cocktails! I sure don't mind that I have leftover booze from the party last week!)

1. Minneapolis. Baby. Apt.
2. Minneapolis. Toddler. Apt.
3. Minneapolis. 4/5 - 8. House. The grey house in South Minneapolis near Lake Nokomis.
4. London. 8. Flat in house with other flats. Shared bathroom w/other tenants (Remind me to someday tell you the story of my being really lazy/aka naughty in this house..there's a particular thing I did that was reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllly bad!)
5. London. 9/10. House. In SE Camberwell...an area of London. A nice house I thought. Even though my room was tiny. (Hey, I'm gonna have to remind my brother of that, he thinks I always got the bigger bedroom!)
6. London. 9/10. 2nd House. This attached to nursing home my mother was in charge of.
7. St. Paul. 10. Apt. in East St. Paul on Bates Ave.
8. Minneapolis. 11/12. Lower unit of Duplex in South Minneapolis.
9. St. Paul. 13. Back to East St. Paul Apt. building we lived in before.
10. St. Paul. 14. Fire happened so another duplex but in East St. Paul
11. St. Paul. 15-18. Parent's bought first house in East St. Paul, across from a cemetery!
12. St. Paul. 19. My very first Apt. in Downtown St. Paul. Lowry Square.
13. St. Paul. 20. Living with girl I'd gone to High School with, in Highland Park. (Ooooh, should I look for her on Facebook??? BRB) (Nope, didn't find her...then again, her last name could have changed)
14. St. Paul. 21. Back to parent's house in East St. Paul.
15. Crap. Drawing a blank! Where did I go next??? Hmm, Oh, I remember..back to Minneapolis in Dinkytown because I was going to attend Horst (now known as the Aveda Institute). Even after dropping out (yup, you've all heard me say it, I'm a "beauty school drop-out" :P ) I stayed living in this rooming house because it was affordable even though it meant sharing a kitchen AND bathroom.
16. Minneapolis. 23. Moved in with a little old lady named Mrs. G who was a widow living by Cedar Lake in Minneapolis. It was a nice house (the decor hadn't changed since the 70's though). First time living with a dishwasher! She actually was gone most of the time I lived there because she was a snow-bird and was in FL or CA or AZ or something like that. I had a couple parties while she was gone, but nothing too crazy. I might have stayed but she was mean. I wasn't allowed to have overnight guests...even if they were gay and there was no hanky-panky. She also freaked out because I put knives with wooden handles in the dishwasher. Things just didn't work out. Later I found out she was developing Alzheimer's and she eventually went into a care facility.
17. Minneapolis. 24. (I was only at Mrs. G's for a few months). Franklin/Park in one of the 'hoods. Nice apt. with hardwood floors, new tiling in the bathroom and a non-working fireplace.
18. Minneapolis. 27. To lower unit of tri-plex with pal J. Can't remember who lived in the bedroom and who lived in the "dining room" first. J. eventually moved out and my brother, J moved in.
19. St. Paul. 31. Back to East St. Paul, back in with parent's who had lost the house & now were in an Apt.
20. Minneapolis. 32. Uptown w/S. Love that she is still my friend after living with me! Not that I was horrible but this is really when the hermit years began.
21. Minneapolis. 33. Downtown Minneapolis. S & I decided we wanted our own places & the place we had in Uptown made that decision easier. The apt. seemed great at first but turned out to be a nightmare & the management company total wankers.
22. St. Paul. 35. Moved into an Apt. on Grand Ave. in St. Paul in a building owned by B. I had lost a job & was behind on rent. Things really falling apart. I was so grateful I could do this because I couldn't go back with parent's again.
23. Minneapolis. 38. Current place in North Minneapolis. Was time to stop taking advantage of B & get my own place (even if I'm renting from someone else). Time to start standing on my own two feet again.

Well, what do you know? This was more than 18 by the time I was 36 & more than 20 now. Holy cow! No wonder I have very little possessions now. I hate moving. The less stuff I have, the better & easier it is to do.

Why am I choosing to think about all of this now? Well, daydreaming I guess. About what you might ask? Well, having my own house & never moving again. It ain't gonna happen though, not anytime soon 'cause my credit is bloody awful.

But the thought of making a permanent home ('cause for me, all things are permanent decisions in my mind even if the reality turns out to be different) is appealing in ways because should anything ever happen with B & his situation, well, duh! He wouldn't have to live in a dinky apt. where there was no room for his stuff, his tools! (Of course I shared this thought with him ...he just keeps listening to all these things that I think & just blurt out w/out thinking about it first and the reaction was neutral, as usual. Is that a good or bad thing? I like to think that seeds are getting planted. Oooh, that reminds me of another thing I want to blurt out to him, but this one I'm not going to share, sorry!)

It's not appealing though to think about the responsibilities of home ownership. My dear landlord/roommate J, B, my parent's when they had a house, other friends who've owned houses...kudos to them for doing it but I know it's hard. But that's just the immature me, scared me speaking. I'm sure the pros outweigh the cons...right? And there will have to come a time I grow up and cut the Peter Pan act (uh, I've never seen the movie, any of them, but have heard about them, so I am using this reference correctly right?)

So again, why am I thinking about all of this now? I don't know. Must be more of that taking-stock-of-my-life-as-I-get-even-closer-to-40 thing I've been doing lately.

Well, I'm content for now. Hopefully J doesn't have any current plans to change the status quo & I can just keep hanging my hat here while I continue to figure out my life.