Oh now THIS is exciting

Not.

Not a whole lot has been going on the past couple of weeks...and what little stuff that has happened hasn't been exciting enough for me to muster up the motivation/desire/energy to post about.

I didn't qualify for Summit at work and I took it badly. I didn't realize how badly I wanted it until I didn't get it.

Fall is officially underway and this year I was not, am not, as sad about it. For the last few years I've gotten especially blue around this time of year...not sure if it has to do with the whole "end of summer" thing though I think that was mostly it. Another summer I didn't take advantage of the weather to go out and about and DO things. But this year? Nope. I think I've been too distracted by living in the now to be sad about what I didn't do in the [now] past. Life is too short for regrets.

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So my goal of getting celebratory cards to people on time is still something I need to work on. My parent's didn't get their anniversary card until over a week later when my brother and I had an anniversary dinner with them. I actually put together said dinner...made them some lemon pasta with chicken. Then we all sat around and chatted for a bit and it was nice. I was a little afraid that they would gang up on me and "witness" to me now that my brother is back on the religion, but nope. Whew! I mentioned this delay to a co-worker who didn't understand what the big deal was, about the anniversary in general, but it's more than their anniversary, it's the anniversary of when we officially became a family with this man that my mother fell in love with and who became "Pop" ...a man who stepped in and became a true father to my brother and I...and we needed that in light of our biological fathers absence. (I really must be growing up since I didn't call the bf an asshole this time around!)

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B and I are good. We've gotten together a few times now and are continuing to really talk and enjoy each others company. It's actually 7 years today that we started just talking again after our last break-up. I don't remember how long we were apart but I sent him a postcard telling him that if he ever needed to find me, where and how he could find me with the phone number and address I had at the time. (I wasn't easy to find with all the moving and changing phones/jobs that had been happening in my 30's...oh who are we kidding? I'm still not permanently settled anywhere...but this brings up another topic I'll get to soon...) It took us almost another month to actually get together in person.

This time around it's been better in so many ways and I think it's because we're both committed to each other as best we can under the current circumstances. We actually sat down and said OK, we're doing this. We're going to be in this relationship. Oh sure, there have been those big speed bumps along the road but they've actually helped. They've allowed me, us, to stop for a minute and really think about whether we wanted to keep going. And on that note, let me just pop in a perfect song for that last sentence (it's just such a great song by Keane how can I resist? :P )




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I've gotten caught up with almost all of the fall season premieres I care about (damn you "The Big Bang Theory" for your lack of availability from the usual sources online) and so last night I found myself watching episodes of "House Hunters International" of all things. I almost shouldn't have because it reminded me that whenever I watch that and the U.S. version, I'm struck by the thought, "how on earth do people afford these houses?" Now I realize that while this is "reality TV" it still is TV and it only reflects a small percentage of the population but it always brings me around to thinking about money which leads to thinking about jobs.

I make less than $25K a year and have to reconcile myself with the fact that unless I do something about getting some further education - which would hopefully lead to a better paying career/job - this is going to be as good as it gets for me. Oh there I go being dramatic again but seriously, unless I get off my scared, lazy ass, this is it. Oh maybe I don't necessarily need more school but I do need the desire to find better and it just isn't there right now. I may rail against the job but it's a job that I've managed to hang on to for over 3 years now and it has some perks (did I mention I'm thinking of making the trip to Amsterdam an annual New Year's Eve thing? Who's with me this year besides Diane?)

The crazy thing is that I really don't need to be making gobs of money. I've become accustomed to living on a smaller income. And you know what? I actually like my life. I'm not bogged down with material possessions. I have what I need with a tiny bit leftover for fun.

But lately, I've become enamored with the idea of settling down and getting my own house and that's gonna cost money. And I'm terrible with money. I admit it. I'm nuts to even think about getting a house of my own but oh the desire is strong. After having moved around so many fucking times in my life, I want to settle down and have a place of my very own. As long as I'm going to stay in MN, well then, why not? I just need to practice discipline. Fiscal discipline.

Renting from someone is so easy, renting from the fabulous is so easy. I can afford this life.

I guess I have the winter to think about what's next for me as the spring will bring about the fabulous putting the house on the market. (I would consider it but it's too much house for one person and I'd prefer something with less levels and in St. Paul.) I know the housing market is great right now and I'll just have to leave it up to the fates as to how it all plays out the next few months. In the meantime, I finally mustered up the courage to run my credit reports. And I'll be focusing on paying off some more bills as best I can -or at least making payments on them.

All that and still trying to live a balanced life. Ha!

You know it's a Friday night and wow, already after midnight. How'd that happen? Oh yeah, I took a nap earlier this evening. Maybe I should have gotten motivated and rung up friends to see what they were doing but nope. I wanted some me time this weekend. Back to the grind tomorrow. Not that I mind starting my work week on a Saturday. I kinda like it.

Well so I guess I will just stop here for tonight. G'night.