(And yes, I'm using the English (as in UK) spelling version of "behaviour"! Deal with it computer!)
What a long day it has been. I've had the hangovers of hangovers and was a very very bad girl and called in sick to work again. The thing is that at 11:45am...which is around the time I leave for work, I was still kinda drunk and I just didn't feel it was in my best interest to make that drive. So there.
The hangover was the result of more than a few (!) Blatz beers being consumed last night at an annual event hosted by Ryan's roommate, Mark (Blatz). I hadn't attended a "BlatzFest" before but had heard stories. It was a great night with only a couple of moments of high drama. I admit I have a crush on Mark ...but managed to mostly behave -even after finding out that he had just broken up with his girlfriend. When I left there were still 7 people standing and that was around 3 a.m. (see I really had the best intentions of going home and crashing out for a few hours before going to work...but then having to get up every fucking hour to pee did NOT help)
So guess what I did during the evening? Yup. Drunk dialing has got to be considered as bad as drunk driving. People should have to turn in their keys AND their phones (oh to think about those days when we didn't have cell phones...)
I was a coherent, not sloppy (or so I'm choosing to believe! :P) drunk and remember most of what I said in the message I left...I hoped he got my email but also that I was IN. Because I love him. And I know he really tries. And that I hoped to talk to him soon.
Now whether or not he gets this message will remain to be seen. See, he's got 2 cell phones for work and on the one of them I can call him in the middle of night whenever I'm out having a late night. So I called it. But I don't know how often he checks it.
Not quite sure why I've yet again told him something important in an indirect way. The email, now this? The way I've handled this whole break thing. But maybe I won't be so hard on myself because it's not like I didn't talk to him about my frustrations, more than once.
The fair is FINALLY over for another fucking year. But crap, now I'm getting nervous. Do I call him first or just wait? What if he did read the email and has decided that he really should do the honorable thing and let me go? Or what if he's decided that he's going to find better ways to deal with his schedule and we do keep on keepin' on. How will this time apart have affected us? Or will it not have changed anything? Or...or...or...
It really boils down to -for me -that I've got this man who is in my life who loves me and totally accepts me for who I am. But I'm also going to have to keep focusing on making MY life better for me. I guess I'll have to hope that we continue talking and he tries harder and I ease up a bit. Ah, relationships. Sigh. They take work but they should be fun too right?
Now to crash because I still have work tomorrow and no excuse not to go. Better not fuck up the work thing. My manager thinks we'll be finding out around the middle of the month who's qualified for the trip...and I'm just trying not to think about it too much.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them