It Is What It Is

Sunday going on Monday and I'm really at a loss about what to write about tonight.

Do I report on my life for the last few days? Do I find some topic that will result in another brilliant essay by yours truly? (:P tee hee)

I don't know why I feel I have to be inspired to post and have it not be about boring stuff like "I went to work, then came home, blah blah blah" because this blog can be about anything I want it to be about right? (Uh, as usual, am I repeating myself?)

It's been a good few days...had a good weekend. On Wednesday, had B over for breakfast ( ;) ) then he took me out for dinner that night (I love love love that I was with him 2x's in one day!) Sure it was only McD's but considering I had to swallow my pride and ask him for gas money because using gas to meet him in St. Paul was going to use up what I needed to get to the credit union on Friday (payday, payday, payday!) I wasn't going to quibble.

He's such a dear to give me these little loans. I feel terrible asking but he's my boyfriend and it's OK to ask them for money once in awhile, right? Just $10 bucks now & then. No biggie right? He's confident someday I'll be a success aka have a much better paying job and won't be broke forever (I pray he's right!)

On Thursday I hung out at the house in the air-conditioned sanctity of my room and then after chatting w/R late in the afternoon, he talked me into leaving the house (he can always talk me into going out) And just like B, he was a dear soul and made the using of the gas in my car a non-issue by coming over and picking me up ...and then he even bought me dinner. We had some nice conversation and could have just talked all night but we ended up watching "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" (it was OK-I came home and googled the first 2 movies to refresh my memory and feel like I had the whole trilogy experience)

Why is it that I can accept generosity from some but not others? Maybe it has to do with how long I've known the person? Either way, I'm not thrilled that I have to be that person that is more often broke than not. I'm suddenly thinking of the movie "Friends With Money" which addressed a similar topic (just like that episode of "Friends" did oh so many years ago & how funny that Jennifer Aniston was in both?!) and just like those characters I'm blessed with friends who never make me feel bad about it and who can occasionally treat me.

Pride is an ugly thing though isn't it? I really want to be able to pay my own way with everyone but find myself swallowing it and letting myself just accept it when it's offered...most of the time. Sadly, this isn't the first time in my life I've been been in this situation financially. Working but not making very much.

I guess I maybe will ease up on beating myself up about this because there have been brief periods of time when I've been doing well and then I'm as generous as everyone else (really I swear it!) (I am even hopeful that I can arrange things so that not only will it be my b-day party that I will be hosting but I will provide all of the refreshments and food (don't worry, I won't go too crazy))

Out of curiosity the other night, I did look at some customer service jobs that were posted on various online sites and there wasn't anything that jumped out at me and said "APPLY FOR ME NOW!" Oh sure, there are some nice sounding customer service jobs out there but the thought of having to start all over again, learning new products, etc. Ugh. I'm just finally getting the hang of what I need to know for this job. I'm resisting change -including probably changes for the better because it just seems like so much work right now. That is of course lazy Sam talking. I need to tell her to hush.

Thinking about the possibilities of having a job that lets me not only make the best use of my talents (really truly sincerely want to help people and make them happy) but a job that has a lot more variety and challenge (not the everyday, constant challenge of trying to find award space using the least amount of miles) but challenges of finding solutions to problems (not life or death problems like flights delayed or canceled so people miss the holidays with their families & friends) and being creative in how I do it. I want the whole experience where I have a relationship (of sorts) with my customers from the beginning and throughout their experience with my company. Someone please tell me what job that is already! It has to exist somewhere but I just can't think of it. What can I sell that I firmly believe in as much as travel or the arts? Is there anything I could do that I could have as my own business and then not have to work for overpaid executives who reap the benefits of hardworking rats in the rat race?

Ah well, moving on...

So after doing the responsible thing with my check (rent/wireless), putting gas in the car and buying groceries, I'm doing my best to hang onto a little bit of cash so that I can get together with some friends on this upcoming "weekend" (I'll eventually forget to put the quotation marks on weekend 'cause y'all know that my weekends are during the week... :) ) (? - why is it that I'm usually determined to spend every single frickin' cent I've got in my pocket??? Seriously, there is no finding money in pockets, under sofa cushions or at the bottom of my purse EVER!)

Anyhoo, so now just working the last couple of days. It's now my "Thursday" and so far everything else uneventful (well in my life that is...not going to even talk about the passing of Farah & Michael...let's just be reminded we should tell our loved ones we love them all the time because we never know when they'll be taken from us :( )

I'm so happy it's cooled off a bit weather-wise. I have the air off and the window open, letting some nice fresh Mpls. air in.

Upward and Onward.