Synchonicity (or Why? Why not! part II)

Synchronicity - is the experience of two or more events which are causally unrelated occurring together in a supposedly meaningful manner. In order to count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.

Event 1 -writing that previous post about my self/body image
Event 2 -finding the hungry-girl website (well, actually it was the subject of email newsletter sent by Oprah's guy Bob Green that I subscribe to) that is all about food and how to make favorites less fattening and more healthy
Event 3 -having gotten this book Eating Heaven by Jennie Shortridge from the library that I thought looked relevant and interesting

I've only been up for a few minutes and haven't had any coffee yet, so be patient with me as I attempt to put thoughts to computer in a coherent fashion.

Stayed up waaaaaaaaaay too late last night...I just had to finish that book mentioned above. It was sad, happy and poignant all at once. And now I just have to write about some of the things buzzing around in my head about it.

The heroine is a single woman in her late 30's named Ellie who is struggling with her weight (how could I resist this book?!) yet her life becomes more complicated as she ends up having to take care of her uncle who is dying from cancer. Yet in the midst of that, she continues to work as a freelance writer who writes about food -the various ways to change the recipes so that they're Fat-free! Carb-free! (Taste-free!) when all she really wants is to enjoy them as they are meant to be enjoyed being made with real butter, real cheese, etc. because she LOVES food.

She deals with her anxieties, stresses and loneliness by binge eating.

Her feelings of loneliness hit me especially hard and at one point I read "Lying in the dark, more alone that I know how to cope with, I feel a shrinking sensation I remember from childhood fevers. I have to open my eyes and draw a deep breath to keep from disappearing, touch my skin to make sure I experience sensation."

As the story continues, her life revolves around taking care of her uncle after they discover he has cancer, shopping for the food she needs to cook to use for her articles and dealing with her distant (geographically and emotionally) family.

Having grown up with a self-absorbed mother and a distant (and fairly recently deceased father) she is using the coping mechanism of eating to replace to the love she didn't receive as a child (though some love was offered in the form of a replacement father-figure in her uncle, the man she is now taking care of. (He's not really her uncle, but I won't go into that sub-plot because this post isn't about that)) and using food as an excuse to avoid dealing with what's really eating her (I think that's actually the subject of another book isn't it?)

As her uncles condition gets worse,2 things happen, the first being that she is sent to interview a chef for a newspaper article and it changes her life because she meets the man who not only shares her passion for food but makes her feel alive again (and her size doesn't matter!) and the other being her that she is so overwhelmed and preoccupied with doing what she can for her uncle that she stops focusing on herself. Her coping strategy changes. Watching her uncle die, she has no interest in eating at all and actually loses weight.

A part of me wishes this wasn't yet another story that I've read about how being large is a symptom of something being wrong in the characters life and it ends with them dealing with that problem and them losing weight (Good in Bed/Jennifer Weiner; Jemima J/Jane Green, etc.) I keep looking for that story that is about a plus-sized woman who doesn't lose the weight in the end and I'll just have to keep looking.

However, while yes, this was that kind of story, I know there is some truth to it. For years I wondered what exactly it was that led to me becoming this size (because of course it wasn't only because I was eating more and becoming less physically active!)-though therapy never uncovered the exact answer other than my acknowledging that my weight serves me some uses (it definitely gets me the attention I crave, (yes, I know there have got to be alternative ways to get the attention I think I need)) but as I wrote about in my previous post, I reached that point where I decided to stop fighting with myself and am just allowing myself to just be. Life is not a fiction novel and I can't just write myself thin.

Ellie eventually quits writing the articles about changing beloved recipes and the book ends with her writing this:

How to Eat

Why do most women in our country have an obsession with food, the eating as well as the not eating of it? We gladly feed others, yet we struggle with our own hunger. Is the food the panacea to fill our empty souls? Have we lost touch with something vital-say self-fulfillment, or even just self-acceptance-and all we can do is medicate ourselves with the pleasure of fat and calories (or heaven forbid carbohydrates)? On the other hand, if we don't eat and lose weight might someone love us more? If we're hungry and our stomachs growl, are we more virtuous than if we're full and satisfied?

I'm just one woman, with my own variations on the female love-hate relationship with food, but I say, let's start a revolution. Let's make food simply food again, sustenance and nourishment, and fun when the occasion calls for it. From here on out, I will try my best to live by these seven secrets of the sane and happily well fed:

1. Eat when you're hungry, and don't eat when you're not.
2. Eat food that tastes good. Period. No exceptions.
3. Eat food that leaves you sated instead of waiting for the next allotment.
4. Eat food that nourishes your soul as well as your body. Consider it a spiritual quest.
5. Savor every bite. Enjoy every meal. If you're not fully aware and appreciative of what you're eating, you're just wasting it.
6. Eat with friends, with people you love, or with your own good company-anyone who appreciates food, drink and good conversation as much as you do. (This would not include a TV set.)
7. If you start worrying about eating, stop it. Be happy you can eat.

(the end)

I like it when just as I am thinking about a subject, things happen to expand my awareness (or even knowledge) of said subject. This is a perfect example.

So, it's my Sunday now and it's a GORGEOUS day outside. The sun is shining and it's 76 degrees according to that little weather channel thingamabob in my system tray down below. Tomorrow is payday and I cannot WAIT! I am so broke it's pathetic. But I have a roof over my head, a little bit of food in the fridge and enough gas in the car to get me to the bank and to work tomorrow. What else could I ask for?