A sign of something good

When you just can't get enough of it. I'm specifically speaking of "My Boys". Just watched the latest episode (thanks surfthechannel.com & megavideo!) and I just love this show. Always want more and can't wait for the next episode. It's not a flashy show. No major drama or trauma. Just about a bunch of friends hanging out, experiencing lifes little ups and downs together. And the poker playing! Makes me want to start playing (and I've never played before.) I believe J said something about playing...?

Ah, TV. My dear friend. I was telling D. when we got together last week that there was a time when TV saved my life.

I watched some as a kid...cartoons and such but then during the preadolescence years and high school, not so much. My parent's had become Jehovah's Witnesses and suddenly the only TV that was being watched revolved around PBS and to a teenager..the horror (I wanted my MTV!) Documentaries, nature specials, Masterpiece Theatre period dramas, Biographies and old movies were BORING. I wanted to watch "The Love Boat", "Charlies Angels", "The Facts of Life" and even "Family Ties" but nope.

So when I moved out on my own for the first time at 19, one of the first purchases I made was my very own TV (and how sad is it these days that most kids I know have their own TV/in their room?) and it was so exciting! (This is actually the same TV I have now...it's 20 years old and still works just fine...not that I watch it much since discovering online TV watching) but anyhoo...it was great that I was able to watch what I wanted, whenever I wanted to.

And is it ironic that now I not only enjoy my "trashy" TV shows but I will often watch some of those programs on PBS?

A few years ago, there was a time when I was DEPRESSED and felt worthless/hopeless and TV was one of the few things that came to my rescue. I had these new "friends" that I couldn't disappoint or piss off. I had the ladies from "Sex and the City" as my new girlfriends and the friends of "Friends" and the "Drew Carey Show" as my new buddies.

(Sadly, the flip side of that was that I was so jealous that these people had close friends that they saw, spent time with and talked to ALL THE TIME. (Of course, I realized through the magic of television writing we were only seeing them when they were together because that was the whole point of the show...who wanted to watch a show about people hanging out by themselves watching TV or reading a book?))

But when that moment came when I felt like I wanted to throw in the towel, TV was there to save me. I just had to see what the next episode or season would bring for the characters I had grown to care about and/or love. (Waiting for the next book by a favorite author also helped but that's a whole different post...maybe...)

As time has gone by I've reduced the amount of TV I watch...OK, that's a combination of my knowing I needed more in my life than just TV, my favorite shows ending and making a conscious choice to start making real friends again. It may look like I still watch a LOT of TV (see list over there <------) but this list is nothing compared to how it was before.

I got lucky with my new friends. I first met R, working at a credit union and we had the religion in common, then through him met his g/f and eventual wife, C. Then through C met a couple of other people and it was great being with these people because they didn't know the me that I was when I was in my 20's. I was just me. Making no apologies and lacking the self-consciousness I had developed over the years.

As I have slowly come out of my shell, I just have to count my blessings that I not only made these new friends but that over the past couple of years I've not only reconnected with distant friends (S/San Diego) but that I've recently gotten back in touch with people that knew me during those years and still care about me.

I'm also grateful for those couple of people who have who have stuck around as I ride this roller coaster I call life...my dear friend S who I met years ago working at a temp job. A fellow Leo. I used to joke that she was me, just 9 years younger. We really don't see each other much, which is my bad. She's such a smart woman and I'm so proud of her for refusing to settle for just working office jobs. She's working and going to school full-time to become a nurse.

Then there's another dear friend..one of my oldest friends, J. We met when we were working at Donaldson's (dept. store) back in high school. She's been living in Philadelphia with her husband and 2 kids. I really have got to take advantage of my flight benefit and get my butt out to see her and meet those kids! Even if we don't talk all that much, I can always count on her for a Christmas card and a birthday card.

I'm sure I'm forgetting others but hey it's about 3:30am and I'm tired...

Man, when I think about all these great people I know...what a lucky lucky woman I am. It doesn't matter that we may not have everything in common (though I do tend to feel a bit more comfortable around others who are childless...) ...it's enough that there is respect, kindness, honesty and a genuine like for each other.

I think I'm repeating myself from a previous post but that's where the mind wandered to tonight as I was typing this.

Next topic I think I want to write about is women's self-image and body issues. I was thinking about that today. Stay tuned!