2013 - a new year.

I was initially kind of dreading New Year's Eve. I'm always sad because I can't kiss the person I want to at midnight (maybe someday I'll get over that.)

But this year, it was good. And this post will be about the reason it was good. It will be about a friend I have that I've never mentioned before.

Once upon a time (OK, back in '05) I met this woman riding the bus and we became friends. (She was also a BBW and liked my messenger bag with the Venus logo on it.) Her name was Margaret.

Around this time frame in my life I was reading a lot of Anne Rice, including her little known novel, "Exit to Eden".

This was really my first introduction to the alternative lifestyle of BDSM. Great book (well, she's a good writer in general too.)  I was intrigued and curious and thought OK. Different strokes (ha ha) for different folks.

It turns out that Margaret was married and that was their thing.

My questions and interest led to her thinking I should talk with her friend M. He was a Dom but interested in being a Sub.

You know, it just occurred to me that this post might be about things I wouldn't normally share here. Lest I shock anyone ...but fuck it. This is ME. I have to keep on being really truly me and not feel defensive or apologetic. I can't have these ...things happen in my life and not share them. And I'm fairly sure my mother isn't reading this. (I copied the letter to her onto a separate document for her to read when I was at their place last Sunday.)

OK, so where was I?

M and I talked on the phone and emailed for weeks -he lived in WI at the time. He's a librarian and had been able to recommended reading on the topic of dominance and submission from the female's point of view aka being a mistress. And I read all of it.

I thought it all sounded good. Being able to be fully in control and explore that side of myself.

Now of course sometimes reading about something is completely different from experiencing the reality. But then finally the time came when were to meet in person. After having had some intimate, personal and deep conversations, I knew I really liked him as a person and was looking forward to seeing what would happen. Trust is a huge part of any BDSM relationship and I was feeling confident that we'd laid a good foundation down in having gotten to know each other via those phone calls and emails.

(Note: While I was feeling good about him, I was also so nervous before that first time that I wrote up a list of questions/concerns I had about that meeting. That list eventually made it in to a book "To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us"  - by Sasha Cagen ... Is that like the coolest thing ever?!)

I'll not go into all the details but suffice it to say that it turns out that I really wasn't ready or willing to be a Mistress. But it did lead to him being another man who I would know for years. No romantic relationship came out of the experience but a real friendship did. Fast forward to today and this was the 4th NYE I spent with him.

He's been living out of town most of the time I've known him but obviously we've been keeping in touch. So this year, he was again in town to visit his Dad for the holidays, and so like other years,  it's now officially become a regular thing to hang out with him on NYE. We would have hung out last year too but he cancelled because he picked up a bad cold. The year before that -don't remember why we didn't get together, but the year before THAT was the year I chose going to Amsterdam instead (as  I was teasingly reminded.) 

While I was initially wishy-washy on him (even tried to reschedule at the last minute,) it turns out that I'm glad we hung out. It was great to see him. He was good company. I commented to him that he seemed ...lighter and I really meant it. He seemed happier and more relaxed than I remember him being. Being in his forties agrees with him.

During conversation and telling him about some of the latest "new" friends I'd made, this topic came up - because of that experience with DD. That was kind of his thing. (I did mention that...right?)

One of the reasons I like him is that I can talk to him about anything. (God, what a gift that is.) It's always been easy to talk to him about whatever. He makes me feel very safe and comfortable in this friendship. And he's got a gift with the sarcasm... that isn't mean or cruel. He's funny and intelligent. I won't lie that I was sad that it didn't turn out to be a romantic relationship. (But as that is the way it usually goes with the men I find interesting, I've dealt with it.)

Anyway ...so we ended up talking more about the topic of BDSM and I learned a little bit more about him -him as a Dom. And I'm now kind of wondering if I might want to explore the Sub side of things.

Find someone that I trust and respect who might want to explore this with me.

I think that is one of the joys of being an adult. Being able to try new things as you discover who you are. And I think there is something interesting about someone else being in charge of me and making decisions for me.

Oh sure, there are a lot of elements to it all, including the sexual component, but so far, that all still appeals to me too. I've been spanked. I didn't hate it.

So welcome to 2013. A new year full of new possibilities.