People I'm grateful for

I've written about the things I'm grateful for and I thought it was about time that I acknowledged some, just some, of the amazing people I have in my life.

Earlier tonight I was thinking about my manager at work, her name is Judy, and how happy I am that I'm back on her team...it's knowing that I would have her back as my manager that was the fire that got lit under me that made me bid for the group sales department. (When she initially told us she was moving over to groups I didn't think I'd miss her as much as I did.)

It's been a rough year (literally the past 12 months or so, not just 2011) for me at work, attendance-wise, and she was my manager for most of it. We had some real heart to hearts and I think it was her approach and patience with me that helped turn the corner. She made a very good point about me getting in my own way and she was right. I do have a tendency to do that.

When we finally had a chance to talk about my coming over to groups, she was honest with me and made it clear that she was on my side, but that she was taking a chance on me because the other manager has her doubts about me due to the attendance issue. I appreciate her vote of confidence and have that as additional motivation to not screw up.

I couldn't really explain to her when, how and why my attitude about work changed. Where this new level of commitment to the job is coming from..I guess the important thing is that it's there.

That actually is just a part of things I'm feeling good about these days ...knowing that I've got so many people in my corner and rooting for me to be happy and successful. I feel so much love and support and am humbled by it. Hence this post. (But who are we kidding, I'm a Leo and am lapping up the attention like a starving big ol' kitty cat!)

So at work...and oh speaking of work...I'm loving that I'm feeling good about it for the first time in a long long long time. I could say I should have moved on sooner but I also think things happen for a reason and when they're supposed to. It's been a couple of weeks now in my new job and I'm enjoying learning new things. Oh sure there are lots of grumblings and unhappy people but I'm going to try really hard to not let that get to me. I came from that where I was and I'm looking at this as a fresh start. I believe people can change -especially if they want something else for themselves and their lives. And I want something different for mine and it starts with not hating my job anymore.

I am not unaware though that it's a slippery slope and I've got to do my best to not slide down it. My success will require discipline and hard work but the payoff will be continuing to be person that has control of her life and not someone controlled by their life and letting it all get to me and squash me down.

The adjustment period is interesting...I have this new life that I'm getting used to. A life of waking up earlier and getting home earlier and having actual weekends off like most of the world. I kind of miss the weekday off thing though...it made me a little different and as much as I just want to be like everyone else, I like being a little different.

I liked telling people I had my weekend during the week. I liked being able to sleep until 11am.

Anyway, I've gotten off topic...

Before I left work yesterday, Friday, I had a nice conversation with Judy as we talked about the training I've had so far and what the plans are for next week. I'm in a unique, good position being that I'm the only one who needs training for the job. I can take it at my own pace and get all of the individual attention that I need. And I've got this manager who is tough but fair, sympathetic yet practical.

So first person grateful for...Judy, my manager at work. Maybe it's unprofessional and/or not the wisest idea to blur the line between manager and...friend but as long as I do my job and keep getting my butt to work everyday I think it will be fine.

And then there is my aunt Sally. After my visit a couple of weeks ago we made a point to keep in better touch and now have a weekly phone date, on Saturday afternoons. And while our time was later today than was intended, it worked out for both of us and we had a nice conversation. I think I have to let go of the thought that I have to rescue her from her life and problems but I can't do that...and I've learned that staying away and not talking to her was not the answer either.

She is such a dear and is like the mother I never had...oh, my mother is ...my mother and if anything were to happen to her I'd be devastated but there is this distance between us because of the religion...yes, the religion. Anyway...

Sally is also the big sister I never had. And the little sister. And a friend. We can talk about anything and be completely honest with each other. I've got this amazing person in my family who I feel unconditional love from, with and for. I miss that since Grandpa died.

And then there is Ryan. Sharing a house with someone is a big deal. While I miss the fabulous and the animals, it's a different thing to be living with a friend who knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. We're still adjusting to my new schedule which really has made things interesting in terms of how we live in the house...I knew it threw him for a loop when I told him about the new schedule but he's been a trooper and not made me feel bad about changing things up from what we thought it would be like with my living here.

And we're still friends, real friends who can also talk about anything. And yeah, we're family.

And then there is B. It's been challenging lately with our mismatched schedules (to put it mildly) but we've endured and I love that he has stuck by me as long as he has (or really is it that I'm just that good in bed or he is? :P )

There is still laughter and passion and lust and love. There is conversation and communication and....love. I may get frustrated when we don't see each other as often as I'd like but there is surety and complete certainty in our love for each other. Am I going to cling to what I want for the future or be happy with the love that there is now? I'm opting for love in the here and now.

It will still be a roller-coaster because that's part of the deal in loving the kind of man who has a whole 'nother life but as long as he continues to be my biggest fan and supporter, I can deal. I can deal.

Then there is Michelle at work...we don't work together anymore and it's been a tough adjustment to not see her on a fairly regular basis but we've managed to have some breaks together and we'll keep doing that. I refuse to lose her friendship just because we don't work in the same department anymore. But just like anything worth having, it will take effort and commitment but she's worth it. I believe I've mentioned I never thought I'd be as close to someone whose life was so completely different from mine because they have a spouse AND kids but we work. She's more than a wife and a mother and it's been good for me to see that. It was narrow-minded of me to think that once a person was those things that that's all they were.

Ah, so smart but not so much sometimes. *Sigh*

So it's like after 2am and maybe I'll think about winding down now. I've been trying to be better about getting to bed at an earlier time but I'm still working on it.

So just like a lot of other areas in my life, it's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.

Onward. After I go upstairs and take my happy pill*

*increased dosage of anti-depressant and maybe the reason I'm feeling as good as I am? Probably has a wee bit to do with it 'eh?

P.S. Oh! My court stuff for the accident in November is finally DONE! Went on Friday and the public defender got my charge reduced to "following too (to? gah, it's the middle of the night and out of all of the words in the English language I don't know which one is the correct one I'm looking for!) closely", which is a petty misdemeanor instead of "regular" one and got the money reduced down to a total of $128. That's less than 1/2 of the initial amount! I am keeping my license. Now I just have to deal with that other damn ticket....

I actually sometimes lately can't believe that this is my life. Lucky me.