Well tonight ended with a whimper...actually more of a yell with lots of fuck's being uttered. Tonight's less-than-wise decision was to NOT change lanes when passing police cars and a pulled over car. (But my exit was RIGHT there!)
And the other night when Ryan had his party, I went and did my own thing without thinking of him or anyone else (though in my defense I was feeling anxious and nervous...still those are just excuses...)
I've been naughty at work with screwing around with FB (we have access again!) and not being available as much as I should for phone calls. And my "talk time" has been out of control (but that actually is already getting better so I won't whinge about that one too much)
..It's been pointed out to me that I have a tendency to get in my own way. This is not news right? I think it's actually the story of my life.
*Sigh*
I have forgotten my intent to do that thing that Gabbi talked about...about doing the next right thing. I am not listening to my inner wise voice telling me to do things like CHANGE FUCKING LANES.
So what IS up with all of that? Or maybe it's just that shit happens. (Pep talk time...Sam, you are human and not always going to make the perfect choice but it doesn't mean you should give up. You MUST keep on keepin' on and make that right choice. You can do it!)
It's not that hard to do the right thing, most of the time. It's thinking of others. It's obeying traffic laws. It's thinking of the consequences of my actions, whether they be good or bad.
I am trying though, in some ways...
**I did have my physical last week (let's not talk about the fact that I lost 9 lbs since the last time I was in and hearing that has me freaked out and I'm doing my best to get them back -talk about a perfect example of self-sabotage! ...but that may be a post for another day)
***I'm taking an increased dosage of my "happy" pill.
****I'm finally going to the dentist this week.
I will pay the damn fine for that ticket I just got (with my 3rd court date coming up at the end of the month, I need to not have that hanging around.)
Big news! Apologies for not talking about this sooner...I'm changing my work life in a major way week after next. I've been bored with the job and so have bid into group sales and my schedule will be completely different from what it's been the last 3+ years. I'll be working M-F from 11-7:30pm. I'll have weekends off. Crazy! I am not sure how I feel about that but the benefits to my new schedule will be that I will have all of my weeknights free which should give B and I more opportunities to see each other...and the job itself should be fun, or at least a change of pace and maybe kind of exciting?
I just hope I can deal with being alone on Saturday nights. Oooh. Hadn't even really thought about that until just now. I used to have a real problem with them. That's when I felt the loneliest. Working on them helped. Maybe I'll need to pick up some kind of part-time job for just that one night a week...or gee, maybe get a life and do things with friends?
I'm not the same person I was, even a year ago, and I think I am strong enough to find a way to deal with the new life I will have. And if it's really terrible, well, hell, I'll just bid back into the SkyMiles job in the fall.
Well OK I think this is enough for tonight. Time for winding down and then lights out.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them