When you look into the past, it finds you

My head is spinning. I think the universe is trying to tell me something and that something is that I shouldn't ignore my past so much.

I scanned pictures into the computer last night...old pictures (recent ones are awaiting developing) and now people from my past are suddenly appearing, out of the blue. OK, one just appeared and I went looking for the other but still!

I was merrily wandering my way over to St. Paul tonight, doing errands before my shift here at the SPCO and then wham! There she was. My old BF D. Outside of Punch on Grand Ave. I'll admit I haven't thought about her a lot lately and then last night, looking at pictures and then today there she is.

She was my best friend from the age of 11 up to ? We had fallen out of touch at some point then met up and spent A LOT of time together probably around 8 years ago or so. She had no problem asking me what happened...why did I not want to see her anymore and so today I told her honestly it was because of her husband. I don't recall all the details but I do remember that he was opinionated/judgmental and we disagreed strongly over things. I also remember being frustrated because we never spent time alone. He always had to be with us, whatever we were doing. Now, for the most part, we had fun. Playing games and eating good food but there were very different lives being lived and I guess I thought we had reached the end of our road. But we exchanged numbers and she assured me that she would like us, sans hubby, to get together and I think that would be nice and/or interesting.

How is it that you can being going-on-40 and the minute you see someone you knew when you were a child -you're instantly taken back in time and it's like no time has past?

I have done a stellar job at moving forward and surrounding myself with new friends while never, ever looking back at some old ones. Was that a mistake? Nah, not going to beat myself up for choices I made in the past.

Then, in curiousity I decided to just see if another old friend featured in pictures, J, was on facebook. He is. I sent a friend request and if he responds, great and if not, that's OK too. That one also didn't "end" well.

I was a messed up puppy in my 20's and friendships suffered because of it. I would hope that I'm not the same person I was...in fact, I know I'm not. I got therapy and dealt with a lot of crap.

I just don't know if it's a good idea to reconnect with people from your past. Especially if you can't move past the past and see if there is enough for a present and future friendship. Maybe it's enough to just honor people that were part of your life for however long they were in your life and move on.