OK, well all that intense thinking I did about B the other day resulted in him, texting me but with a text that didn’t make any sense. I won’t get into all of the details, but suffice it to say that he wasn’t answering my questions and he thought I was ghosting him. Guess he’s not reading the blog anymore.
I had told him repeatedly in text that I was just giving him space to figure out what he wanted.
As nervous as I was, I decided to just rip off the Band-Aid and I asked him straight out if he’s gonna get divorced, he said NO and that means that the end for us. He doesn’t get to still have me in his life. He doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too.
I asked him when he changed his mind and he said within the six months to the last year. WTF? At first I wanted to take it personally, but then I realized it’s all on him. He is the coward or maybe that’s too harsh. He just couldn’t bring himself to tear apart his family in order to give us a chance.
I’ve got so many thoughts, feelings and emotions swirling around in my head. I’m in shock right now well maybe not shock because I guess I always knew this was coming and I guess I’m just not surprised. If we really were gonna be together, we might’ve made it happen a lot sooner. And of course, there’s anger, I’m really pissed because I chose to wait for someone all of these years and now he decides that he’s not gonna honor his promise….I’ve spent the last 20+ years of my life waiting on this man and it was all for nothing? Yeah, there’s a million lessons I’ve learned about this, from this, but damn him.
And of course there’s heartbreak. I love this man. I loved this man, but it’s just not meant to be and I was at least thankfully already thinking of just letting him go.
I am sure I’ll have more to say at another time, but for now this is where things are at.
