Love.
It's on my mind as Valentine's Day is 2 days away.
This year is the first year in probably about 20 years (?!) that I have no idea what my future is with B. We're in a new, uncertain place.
The smart, logical, sensible side of my brain tells me to leave him completely alone for the next [now] 3 years. She obviously cares about the marriage and him (why wouldn't she?) and he needs to really decide if he is going to leave her and be with me. Without any interference.
BUT but but...he is everything I want and need.
I've been looking to see who is out there...and the latest looking at FB dating. I see plenty of good-looking guys and/or read some great intros but none of that matters because they're not him. My heart isn't in it. It's already spoken for and it wouldn't be fair to anyone else that I was already in love with someone.
But I'm so lonely and starved for touch, love and affection. I miss his in-person love and affection and not having that is one of the worst things that's happened to me - so bad it's at the level of losing Pop and Sally. I feel like I lost him too.