This post is for me. Not necessarily because I haven’t posted anything in so long that no one checks anymore …but because I NEED to write. Just write, something, anything.
So…so much to report for the year and let me say it has been one hell of year so far. There have been challenges but I'm very grateful for all the things that are going right and/or are good.
1. Pop still with me/us.
2. I finally went down to FL and visited Aunt S again.
3. I will be 49 years old in 6 days.
4. I am going to be buying a condo in the foreseeable future.
5. B and I are growing closer every day, week, month, year….
6. New setons (no knots!)
7. I love my therapist, A.
☯️☯️☯️
Pop…oh Pop. He survived that fucking cancer but he’s not the same man he was. And as much as he’s been unhappy, I’m selfishly so fucking happy he’s still with me even if he's not always so happy to still be We don’t talk very often but it’s such a comfort knowing he’s there. I faced that fucking…dragon and I don’t want to face it again but I don’t think I’ll get that lucky. (Actually I'm now wondering how the fuck did I survive that???)
49.
Fuck. 49. How the hell did that happen?? 1 year left before the big 5-0. What I find surprising is that think I’m going to enjoy my 50’s. I’ll be getting married in my 50’s. I’ll be living in my own place in my 50’s. I will make a home with B in my 50’s. All things I'm really looking forward to.
Speaking of home…yeah, buying a condo. Renting just doesn't make financial sense anymore. I didn't think that condo-living was the kind of lifestyle for me but …yup it is. Low-maintenance living. I can dig that. It's the next step in my journey to full adulthood. It's where I will live until the day I get to live with B.
It's been scary and exciting and I'm all over the place with location (pun intended) but I just have to trust the process. I don't want to settle anymore than I'll have to in order to find something in my price range. What's helping is that I do have some must-haves....though they keep shifting …currently at;
-patio/deck/balcony.
-in-unit or same floor laundry.
-off-street parking.
-really really close to a bus-stop.
And I don't think those are too much to ask for/find.
But I gotta say that there is nothing like looking for a place, buying a place, for yourself, to smack you in the face with the fact that you’re not a rich bitch after all. (Oh Aunt S.)
The excitement comes from thinking about making a new home for myself for these next few years. I'm looking forward to creating an area for me to write. And I'm excited about getting some sort of dining set to use when I eat. I'm excited to get into a 1 bedroom home again and not sleep in my living room anymore.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
B. oh B. This is definitely a shared experience that is bringing us closer.
🏡🏡🏡
And now I’m starting to think about getting a car again at some point down the road. A car would allow me the freedom to go a little farther out of the city. Shit. (I did go finally get my license renewed.)
I'm hoping that I will find a place that ticks all the boxes in my price range…and when feeling physically better…get my ass back to Amsterdam. (Wonder if at some point, I could talk B into retiring there with me (ha!)…in the meantime, maybe just plan on a trip that lasts longer than a few days!!!!)
Somehow, someway I will learn to budget and deal with my finances in a grown-up manner. Saving/saving for emergency fund. Pay down/eliminate debt. Still have money to travel.
Shit, I gotta eat something. I’ll be back.
And I’m back and stuffed.
And I think 5-7 are for another post…
Onward and upward.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them