The apartments are getting upgrades ...and an increase in rent. Fuck. I can barely handle my current rent.
For some reason I really thought that I could handle it...time for some ...TMI. (also known as why oh why am I revealing the numbers?)
If I work my full 80 hours, my take-home/post-tax & deductions check is around 900.00. My absences, unpaid absences have been cutting into that. (Uh, maybe I ought to examine this eh?)
My rent is 845.00.
I thought that I could oh-so-easily use 1/2 of each paycheck toward rent and that would leave me with easily 400 left for groceries, bus fare, bills and cheap fun.
It hasn't quite gone as I'd planned.
If it wasn't for the tax refunds and the profit-sharing...I don't know. It was bad. God, I hate having bills. I still have some to take care of...and I can't do that living here.
I can't save. I can't buy furniture.
And so how the hell am I going to come up with another 120.00 in rent. It's always about rent.
OK, so I just have to find a cheaper version of what I've got now.
I have to be willing to give up having my own laundry. Or being as close the bus stops as I am.
How much are those worth???
I've submitted a question to the ...whatever you call her, oh, property manager and asked if the rumor I heard about the whole building getting internet access ...not just the lobby....was true or not.
If it is. Then maybe I can swing it. The money I put toward using my phone for internet access could be put toward rent...
And ...
No. The bills. And no saving.
No furniture or rugs.
No making my home a home.
No cruises or Caribbean trips.
But as broke as I am...
Paris.
Paris. (Have I mentioned that I've got a small obsession with the Eiffel Tower these days?)
How can I even think about having a Paris adventure (just go and have one great night and see the ET) while I am moaning and groaning about a rent increase???
And I can't stop thinking about Amsterdam. I regret not taking a canal tour.
How can I justify spending what little spare cash I have on a trip to Europe? (I work for an airline, I should be able to enjoy it every once in awhile...right?)
But god, I hate HATE moving. My body hates moving.
Moving.
The raises I got in January were a good thing but it still isn't enough to get me anywhere other than just surviving.
This is why a very special friend (aka the love of my life) has been expressing his concerns about my renting and continuing to live in this apartment. He knows the rent is killing me and he doesn't like seeing my deprivation. I get it. I finally get it.
So...
Moving.
Time to think about what I like about my home and can I find it anywhere else for less money.
*Sigh*
Here we go again.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them