Hi Mom,
You're in the hospital again.
*sigh* (sad and deep.)
Tonight after I got home from seeing you, I had this crazy idea. Since you don't get to read my writing very often I thought I'd write you a letter. For some reason it's important to me that you read MY writing for a change. I want you to read my words and be proud of me. (Oh, I know you're proud of me but I want you to be proud of something outside of my being your daughter.)
It's been a rough year for you. I can't even imagine having to deal with the pain and suffering you've been experiencing.
I find myself wanting to learn everything I can about the latest news -diabetes. I've already started doing some Googling about it. I'm reading encouraging things.
You said tonight that people comment about how they admire your willingness to keep going and I agree with them 100%. I know it's not always easy, but one of the many things I love about you is that you aren't giving up. You have survived so much shit in your life.
You deserve a break and you just don't seem to be getting one do you?
So while I think the rest of this may attempt to focus on appreciating all of the wonderful things you've got in your life, I think it's only fair (and dare I say healthy?) to go ahead and have a good old tantrum and rage against how unfair it is. Especially since you've been working hard on eating better and staying active.
Go ahead. I'll wait. Scream, cry, bitch, whine, moan...wail to the heavens above about how much more do you have to endure. (Um, I guess we could call this your Jobs wife (?) moment because he stayed chill right?)
It's not fair. I'm beyond pissed that all of this is happening to you. You're my mommy. You're my beautiful, interesting, intelligent, young, beautiful mommy. You're far from perfect -like the rest of us -but you're one of the most the fascinating women I've ever known.
So here's some good news about diabetes.
Diabetes is not a death sentence, Far from it. It takes work to know what it's all about and self-discipline to make it something you can live with, but it's totally doable.
I realize, this may end up being just like the congestive heart failure diagnosis and you're going to be tired of hearing about it, thinking about it and talking about it ...but here's the thing. YOU have to learn about it. YOU have to be the one in control of it.
Pop needs your help. He'll need you to say, no, I shouldn't be having this, I should have that instead.
There are so many reasons for you to listen to what your body is trying to tell you. It's just you and it. And it was created as a one of kind. It's the only one you were given.
(to be continued...)
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them