Day 2 of my 4 day off stretch. I thought I would be bored. I actually considered giving back my vacation days so that I could have them to use later but then decided it was worth it just to NOT be at work for a couple of extra days. Even if I do have the occasional bout of boredom.
Today so far has been about getting around to a shower and doing a load of laundry.
Yesterday was about catching up on the latest (final book?) in the Harper Connelly series/"Grave Secret" by Charlaine Harris and then getting all caught up on this season of "Supernatural".
Tomorrow will be about seeing B, hopefully and/or Ryan. (I've yet to figure this one out...I made a "date" w/Ryan so that should be priority but Thursdays have been my B night for the last few weeks...crap, double crap.) Don't want to NOT see B. I want to see my honey. Maybe I should insist we 3 have dinner together....but I know neither of them would be crazy about that idea....
I'm thinking about getting my hair cut...professionally. I've been doing it myself for awhile now ...the only person I could be upset with if it didn't turn out OK was me. Having ridden the roller coaster of best haircut followed by bad one (with the same stylist no less!) I gave up. But I think it's time I took a chance again. So I'll really seriously think about it. Maybe I'll splurge and have it colored too. Hide these few stray grays I've got. But will that just start me down the road of constantly coloring? Maybe. Maybe not.
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So I decided to not continue taking the Improv class. The timing just wasn't right. Having to hustle afterward and worrying about getting to work on time was too much stress. (Can't you tell I'm really aiming for as stress-free a life as I can possibly have these days? :P ) But it was a good thing I got an idea of what it will be all about, because if it is offered again, some evening, on a day that is my day OFF, I will sign up for it again.
Life back to what it was before. Will have to find something else to do to liven it up. Then again, don't know why I'm so obsessed with shaking it up. My life is perfectly fine. Absolutely nothing to complain about. Yet I think maybe I am waiting for something to come along and fuck everything up because it feels wrong that everything is OK.
Shit, it took me a LOT to get here though. I was reminded of that when I was skimming my old journals looking for something B says we did back in August of '97. Reading bits of entries was exhausting. I was always so tired. Then again I'm not surprised. If I wasn't working 3 jobs at one time, I was partying with Scotty and other friends or dealing with the various men and "relationships" I was in, in my melodramatic way.
But in moving forward and keeping my eyes so firmly on the now, I've put out of my mind a lot of stuff that wasn't so bad. Like being someone who was competent and successful enough to get offered the job of Patron Services Manager at Jeune Lune (R.I.P) or ....crap, my mind is a blank. But there was a lot of living going on my life and it's all been blotted out. Like in throwing out all the bad and sad, I threw out the good too.
There are people in my life who I've known for YEARS and whenever I'm reminded of something we shared in the past, it's like I'm being a told a story about somebody else.
So am I tempted to go back and really do some proper reading of these journals? Could I handle it now? Maybe. Maybe not.
I don't know. I do wonder how I got here to my current life sometimes. I guess I just kept on putting one foot in front of the other and making choices that were OK for me. Had I known I would get to a place where I was content and had many things to be grateful for, maybe I wouldn't have "gnashed my teeth" so much.
Don't get me wrong, I know I've still got issues to work on (not great at managing my money, still not getting off my ass to find a better fitting job, etc.) but I know I'm still a work in progress just like everyone else.
I'm hungry so now I'll go find something to eat. (Ooooh, try not to let all this excitement get to you.)
Onward. With a growling stomach.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them