They've been here almost a month now and today is the first time since they moved in that they are both gone at the same time and I'm home alone again. O is at work and V is out with O1 daughter and walking some dogs in a park near here.
I'm still loving them and glad they're here. V continues to charm me. What a good kid. Now I'm wondering if I made the right choice and wonder what life would have been like had I been able to give him a child or be with him and watch A grow-up.
I wasn't ready so...the past choices are the past choices.
V is giving me a reason to...I don't want to say live again because that sounds so dramatic but ...yeah. My life has been going on and I've been so lonely. E was great but she wasn't a...kid that needs my love and attention. And this one needs me as much as I need them.
Thank goodness I'll be chatting with my therapist tomorrow. This whole thing happened right away and so intensely.
But maybe it really is that my maternal instinct was there all along but I buried it.
So there is a new me coming along.