Spring 2017

And here we are. So much to write but as I'm composing this on my tablet as opposed to typing on a regular keyboard, it just might be that I'll just write about the highlights.

It's funny how you can just be going along and then wham! Something comes along or happens that turns everything on its head.

Life is ...well let's just say it's keeping me from getting bored.

Today is Easter Sunday and I went to R & K's for dinner. I got my first smile from O. I so love those little boys! Everytime I spend time with them I fall more in love with them.

I am looking forward to watching them grow up and I hope that someday we'll have as much and love and friendship between us as I do with Aunt S.

She really has stepped into Moms shoes without replacing her.

They will ease any pains I might have now that I officially can't have children (I think I'm glad my mom wasn't here to see this (- ah! Maybe that's why Pop was upset)) and no more pregnancy tests before surgery!

I had a hysterectomy on 30Mar. They took out my uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes and 1 ovary. This was my preventitve action to avoid developing endometrial cancer.

My body decided to find another way to get my attention and say "hey you, take better care of yourself!!!" I've begun to believe that that is part of why my fistula won't go away. So I'm learning how to take care of it and ALL of my body better and that includes seeing a Reiki healer. But more on that in a bit.

I'm choosing to eat better -more often than not (hey, it's a process :/ )
I'm taking supplements to help my body from the inside out (they work!)

And I just read an excellent article earlier tonight that really spoke to me and had to be immortalized here at the blog.

Here are some of the more pertinent bits ...

"In my own journey, I found what worked for me had far more to do with my mindsets and attitudes towards my health rather than any specific fad or program. Like most things, weight loss is all about fundamental behaviors, and the “work” of losing weight is all about how you orient yourself toward those behaviors — i.e., they are as easy or difficult as you allow them to be.

Eat less. Move your body. Why does something so simple feel so impossible for so many people?

It feels impossible because we’re not just dealing with calories. We’re dealing with people. We’re dealing with ourselves. And understanding ourselves and why we do things is one of the hardest things for any of us to do.

I believe that for everyone who is overweight or obese and doesn’t want to be, there’s a story. There’s a story about how they got that way. Therefore, there needs to be a story for how they’re going to stop being that way.

Losing weight is as much psychological as it is physical. Counting calories and workout plans are fine, but we don’t change our behaviors without dealing with our mind and our emotions. "

☯️☯️☯️☯️☯️

So my approach is coming at it from different angles ...Eating less. Eating healthier. Taking supplements to heal me from the inside out and learning to not hate my body for all of the ways it has let me down most of my life. And that last part is part of what the Reiki healing is all about. I've had 2 sessions so far and I'm learning about letting go of things that have hurt me or are hurting me and learning that I'm not alone in my journey and it's OK to ask for help. I'm being reminded of who I've forgotten I used to be. The little girl who was bright, precocious, and energetic who grew up to be a woman who was smart, inquisitive, and active has been asleep for a few years and it's time to wake her up.

So here we are...

I have another very important reason to start valuing my life (more than I have been) and take the best care of myself that I can.

I've had hopes and dreams of being the Mrs. and I believe they will actually now come true.

Not tomorrow or next week or next month or even this year BUT someday the man I love, have loved for decades, will do a hard thing and change his life...for the better. It won't be easy but he knows that he's got an opportunity to stop living a double life and will be ready to start living a open and honest life with the woman who loves him the most and just wants to make him happy. He will have a partner who puts HIM first.

I will happily give up my single life for them. To get to be a family with the man I love and his daughter is my dream.

I'm also not afraid to admit that I'm scared too. My life will change completely and won't just be about me anymore.

And I worry about what she will think of me. I can hope that with a lot of love and patience she'll see that I love her dad as much as she does and will let me love her too.

But first, me. Healing.

Well that's enough for now. Next post - J, my big brother just may have himself a wife in the near future!!

Xo