It's been a gorgeous day outside -for the most part and once again, just like on most other gorgeous days, I've been inside playing around online.
And I'm bored. And a little bit lonely.
And here is my new favorite word:
Ennui - Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom.
Yup, that's the state I'm in right now. I love weekends but I think I also ...don't.
There are a million things I could do ...but I don't. Why don't I go to a movie? Or volunteer? Or go to a bookstore? Or get together with friends?
I did see R & K yesterday. They came over here to check out the new place and then we went and grabbed some dinner at Cosetta's. Afterward we went out to Ikea. It was fun doing something with other people. I was so happy not being alone for a change. (I do so so so many things alone these days.)
I guess I normally don't ...mind. (Well, I thought I didn't mind.) I've made a point of trying to structure my life so that I don't feel lonely very often. But here I am. It's a Sunday afternoon and I'm definitely experiencing ennui.
I thought having a little extra money would help but nope. I've got enough for a movie or to go get coffee in the local coffee shop or grab a beer at the local bar (which I've been meaning to check out) but ...but.... I would be doing those things.... alone.
*sigh*
So what the fuck is my problem? Why am I not calling up the handful of people I know who I'd actually feel comfortable enough actually socializing with and seeing what they're up to? (I've got a million excuses for it...number one being it's too short of notice.)
And here's a good question...is it really because I don't want to get...dressed aka put a fucking bra on?
Oh, here's a thought...maybe if work was busier I'd need this alone-and-loving-it time but work hasn't been busy lately and between the boredom there and now here at home no wonder I'm climbing the walls!
Well, at least it's after 8pm now. I'll have some dinner, watch the latest episode of "Hannibal" and take my shower and settle down with some reading before crashing.
I will have survived another boring and feeling kind of lonely day.
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them