I really must have too much time on my hands because sometimes my thoughts go a wanderin' down those twisty, winding, confusing, dark paths that I mentioned in my previous post...
Usually I'll jump off that path and hole up somewhere w/my many distractions of books, TV and FB games until the urge to continue down that path passes but lately, that's not really working all that well.
My latest, current, obsession is ...actually right this minute trying not to throw up. Weird. But I did just totally scarf down waaaaaaaaaaay too much spaghetti/meatballs followed by a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. And I've been so good lately w/mostly having "serving size" portions ...I've been doing good for months! And then tonight, the self-control I've been practicing went right out the window.
OK, throw-up crisis averted. Sure, maybe I might have felt better had I done it, but I really really really (did I mention really?) hate to throw up. (Yeah, I know, nobody likes it...) anyway, so where was I?
Oh yeah, the drama queen was about to make a brief appearance. So we're only given our one life right? (Unless you believe in reincarnation and all that jazz) And lately I'm [still] obsessed with why I am the way I am and my life is the way it is. The choices I've made (or not made) and if I shouldn't have made different ones. For example, my relationship. It works for me, for the most part/most of the time, but I feel like there is something wrong with me that it does work. (Way more highs than lows) The thing is, is that I didn't dream about having a husband and kids...all I wanted was to be loved deeply and passionately by someone and never looked beyond what would happen beyond that.
And then I start to worry that I am getting so set in my independent ways that I wouldn't be able to be a true partner to B, or to anyone should the opportunity rise. (Actually, wait, I know this last part is crap because living w/the fabulous has and is as true of an example of how to live with someone as living w/a significant other is ...the sharing of a home and with all that it entails with caring about what makes the other person happy with mostly good results...but w/out the sex! :P And, man, I hope I get this lucky if I do ever live w/who I'm having sex with...)
Every day it crosses my mind that turning 40 is really now on the horizon (I do like that it is a lovely round, even number) and not just a distant thought. I guess with it being the beginning of a new decade for me, I've decided (!)to throw myself wholeheartedly into the whole “The unexamined life is not worth living.” (Socrates) thing.
And then THAT leads to
making me think about how selfish and self-absorbed I'm being. And then THAT leads to thoughts about why am I not volunteering somewhere for some cause...
So you see why I am going a little crazy right? Yup, really must just be too much time on my hands.
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It's a little bittersweet right now, because I've got a purring pussy on the bed w/me. Sebastian, the cat that "belongs" to the fabulous has gotten comfortable enough w/me lately to come up, hang out and sleep. And he's adorable, especially when he's sleeping. I still miss my baby, Louis. Maybe in honor of the thought of him, I'll wear my necklace tomorrow....
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I wonder if anyone else ever obsesses over all of this? I can't be alone in this can I?
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I'm beat. It's about 1:30am and it was a long day. With the volcanic ash disrupting international flights, today was no picnic at work. And with hundreds of flights canceled this weekend, it's only gonna make things all the more challenging when weekend callers are already annoying idiots!
OK, yeah, I know that's not very nice to say that, but I swear, weekend callers ARE the worst! They don't know what they want and love to complain more than the weekday/night crowd (yes, it IS possible :( ) Sheesh. That's stinkin' thinkin' though and I suppose I ought to "nip it in the bud." Maybe this weekend will be less painful if I have a better attitude..in spite of the canceled flights mess.
So enough. For tonight.
Onward. With gratitude for a place to express myself,
Musings from a big and beautiful sometimes "drama queen" on her current state of existence
What's It All About?
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
While you’re here, in this time and in this space, you are beautiful and you are perfect.
You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.
Noire
She'll be 2 years in 2 months! Time flies!
Things I'm grateful for everyday....
- My family
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
- My friends, old and new.
- A roof over my head.
- My computer & internet access
- Being employed (even if I don't always like things about my job)
- The public library and the joy of borrowing books with/on/for my Kindle
- That I can walk on two legs, use 2 arms/hands, have ten fingers/toes, can see and hear, etc. (uh, no offense to anyone who is physically challenged)
- Other people's creativity and efforts
- The love of a good man (he IS good)
Current Favorite Quotes
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castañeda
"..there’s something lovely about knowing that when it’s right, you really know it’s right because you’ve already been through all the wrong." ~ Sade
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." —Mark Twain
(This bit not so much as a quote but somethings I wrote down that I want to keep and this looks like a good place to do it)
7-25-07
1. Almost everything comes from almost nothing.
2. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
3. Leap and the net will appear.
Facts of Life (per Sonya Friedman)
- 1. No one can bring your life to you
- 2. No matter what you do, someone important isn't going to like it
- 3. Though painful, rejection won't kill you - it may even lead to growth
- 4. Every choice means giving up something different
- 5. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you're trying to get from them
- 6. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
- 7. There are no quick fixes that can permanently change your life
- 8. Life is on a rheostat, not an on/off switch
- 9. Some problems cannot be solved - but you can make peace with them